Ghosts (Camren)

Chapter 1

It's been three years of this. You'd think after a certain amount of months, I would get over it. You'd think I would move on. You'd think I'd find someone else to invest myself in, the way I've invested myself in her, but I can't.

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't tried. Since Normani, I've had countless partners and several flings. None of which were particularly fulfilling, and I found myself worse off than I was before. For the last year and a half possibly, I've just been a social outcast. That damned girl essentially ruined me, yet I still love her like she'd never done any wrong. In my eyes, she's still perfect.

Maybe the reason it's still affecting me three years down the road is because she keeps coming back. Normani conveniently pops in whenever she sees fit. Each time she returns, I'm putty in her hands. And she's well aware of it. The days I'm blessed with her presence again, I'm fulfilled. It's the best. It's rehabilitating to be with her whenever she comes back, for however long it lasts. But as usual, in a few days, she decides that we won't work. And she's gone again. By manipulating me and bringing up mistakes from our past, she reappears and is gone in the same instant. She slashes open wounds that had just begun to heal.

I miss her. Constantly. There isn't a day that goes by and I don't think of her, although she hurt me beyond repair. When she captured my heart, she did it with claws that seized it completely. They're never letting go. Despite my prying and incessant endeavors to free myself, I can't. All of my attempts are in vain. I should fend her off for good and protect myself, but she's my weakness. I'm never strong enough to articulate what I deserve when we're together. She's my Achilles heel. I'll always love her. I've just kind of accepted it now.

Cynical is the one word I would use to describe myself. After everything that happened, I've got an entirely different view on the piece of shit we call planet earth. I wouldn't go as far as saying fuck love. Love was a beautiful thing when I had it. I wouldn't go as far as saying fuck her either. It wasn't her fault we ended this way, although she played an essential role. The way I feel now, I'm only comfortable with saying fuck it. Fuck this, fuck everything, and fuck me. Poor, little ole' me.

Wallowing in self pity gets kind of old, though. I don't like to be a Debbie Downer all the time. Today, I was in a relatively good mood. I wanted to treat myself. A few hours after school, I found myself at our local Coldstone. I'd made my order and looked on as the skilled employee fixed it, even impressing me with a few of his tricks. If this were one of those occasions, I'd tip him. But I've been here long enough to know that these employees dazzle every spectator. I was nothing special. Neither were his moves.

So with a lack of interest, I stepped closer to the cashier. There was only one person in front of me. My stomach growled, and I wondered why the hell the line was moving so slow. Nosily, I peered over the girl's shoulder to see what was taking so long. I tuned into her conversation as well.

"Crap... I thought I had some extra money..." she mumbled in a nervous voice.

I was suddenly aware of what was happening in front of me. The poor girl didn't have enough to pay for the icecream they'd already made for her. Her cheeks were flushed in clear embarrassment. A deep scarlet was taking on her olive skin as she feverishly rummaged through her wallet.

I felt a little bad for her. Poor thing. Without giving it a second thought, I retrieved a five dollar bill from my own wallet and placed it on the counter.

"No, it's okay. I guess I just won't be having any icecream today," she laughed bashfully as she tried to hand it back to me.

"Take it," I insisted, stepping back into my place in line.

"Are you sure?" the girl asked as she turned around. When she did, I saw how pretty she was. Beautiful, even.

"Mhm," I nodded happily. The smile I was rewarded with afterwards only further solidified the thought that I'd made a good decision in helping her out.