What We Take Away

Chapter 7 | Cassie

I listen for the rise and fall of Sabrina's breaths as she sleeps in the bunk above mine and breathe until my heartbeat slows back to normal. These memories are heavy and painful, and they have an uncanny ability to visit me when I least expect it. So, why now? Is it because I'm stressed?

My first chemistry exam is right around the corner, and my recent performance in class hasn't been stellar. Even though Ranjit offered to study with me, I'm scared it won't be enough. I need to push myself even harder if I want to get a good grade. I should wake up earlier to review my notes... perhaps then, I'll get the extra edge I need.

I exhale, finally settled. I slide out from the covers and drop my feet to the floor. Now that I'm up, I might as well start my new plan today.

---

After a hectic morning of rushing from class to class, I make my way wearily back to the dorm. My stomach gurgles with hunger as I pass the chiming bell above Cardinal Hall, ringing the lunch hour loudly across campus. I quicken my pace through the lower Lawn, passing fat, puffy hydrangeas, and decorated shrubs as I approach east campus.

Up ahead, near the Cooper Student Center, a group of students cluster around a table with a bright display. Several in the group distribute hot pink flyers and water bottles. A large yellow sign that reads, "PRAYER NIGHT THURSDAYS, CONDOR 9PM" hangs from the table in giant block letters.

Interesting. My empty stomach complains again and I sidestep the group, wanting to avoid the crowd.

"Hi there! Are you interested in coming to our prayer group this week?"

A pretty girl with curly, auburn hair smiles brightly at me. She peers at me while holding a stack of pink flyers in her arms.

"Um..."

I trail off, unsure of how I want to respond.

"Here's a flyer in case you decide to come," the girl says kindly. "We're there every week, and everyone is welcome. We put on some music, and people are invited to receive prayer. And if you're anything like me, then sometimes it just really helps to give God your burdens. Anyway, I hope to see you there!"

She passes me a hot pink flyer, which I take it out of politeness. She waltzes off to greet another pedestrian before I can thank her, so I slowly resume my route.

I glance down at the small notice in my hand. I haven't been to a church service since coming to college, not that I've spent much time looking. And it has been a while since I've participated in anything related to faith. Ma would be disappointed, but she's not here to tell me what to do. In any case, I must stay focused on my studies. The last thing I need right now is to be overcommitted.

I fold the pink flyer into a small square and shove it in my back pocket. A dull sense of guilt lingers in my mind, but I ignore it.

---

I hunker down at my desk over the next several nights, working on the problem set from the Hahn from Hell. While I grapple with rate constants, equilibriums, and endothermic reactions, Sabrina is out playing volleyball pickup games and trying yoga classes or staying out late with friends. I leave the door open just so I don't feel so alone.

However, Sabrina decides to stay in on Thursday night. She and I sit back-to-back at our desks, attempting to work. Even with the portable fan running on the highest setting, the air in the room remains muggy and thick, making it difficult to concentrate.

"Why is it so damn hot?!" Sabrina grouses, grumpy now that she finally has homework.

I'm too hot to respond. Even for the end of September, this humidity is excessive. I pinch the front of my white t-shirt and fan myself slowly. My gray sweatpants are scrunched up to my knees, not that it makes any difference. I press my bare feet against the cool tile of the dorm floor for some relief and stare at the blinking cursor on my laptop screen. At this rate, it'll take hours to finish my lab report.