"Lost in Love"

Chapter 21: Learning in Love

.

"When you're old as I am, you'll understand the power of making someone laugh and love you for who you are. Even when you're an old fart like me," Al beamed at me.

.

His words shook me. Was I really being selfish asking Jimin to be a woman for me? Can't I just love him for who he is? Or who he decided to be? It was then that I realised that Jimin said he had made up his mind about us but he never told me. I waited until we were alone that night back at Hannah's apartment. We had just made love to each other. So amazing! Sigh. Jimin's hips were so divine. He definitely knew how to rock my boat, or keeping with the setting, he knew how to ride my saddle. I waited until we were cleaned and tucked into each other's arms to ask him.

.

"Jimin-ah," I whispered.

.

"Hmm..." he replied as he snuggled deeper into my chest and neck area.

.

Oh God! His breath alone on my skin made me hott. I knew we just had hott sex but tell that to my dick. It was already starting to move into an attention position. But I tried to calm myself because I wanted to hear what Jimin had decided.

.

"Ahem... you mentioned that you too had decided about what you wanted for us," and I waited.

.

"Hmm... Wellllll....... I decided that I've not decided as yet," and he smiled at me.

.

I was confused. I thought he was playing with me, "Jiminnnn... What are you saying?"

.

He cleared his throat and told me very sweetly, "I thought I knew what I wanted but then I realised that there are so many factors involved that I haven't even taken into consideration as yet. I want to be able to explore more ideas and options before I make any drastic change in me. There's my dad, Jin, your parents, Suki, Charlie and Sean, Al and most importantly, you. Seeing Anna today reminded me of something," and he paused.

.

"Hmm... she reminded you of yourself," I added but then he said,

.

"Yes. I did see myself in her but I also saw you."

.

"Me???"

.

"Yes you. I saw the gentleness in her heart and her ability to see past the physical. Jungkook, your dreams of me, my mother and Jane brought us here. If that didn't happen, things would've been so different now. Your ability to 'see' me was the catalyst in our relationship. You were drawn to me even before we met, you stayed with me through it all and you've loved me even when I kept things from you. You were patient and understanding and... you continued to love me even though I'm so different than the normal person."

.

I turned to face him better and Jimin sat up to look at me before he continued, "You're so patient with me. You're literally waiting for me to tell you, that I want to change for you. That I want to be the woman who would get pregnant and have a baby with you. I love you Jungkook. But doing that... would require my body to go through changes that I don't know if I could live with. To get rid of my penis and change my hormones. It wouldn't take days or weeks or months. It might take years for me to adjust. I'll be moody, irritable and uncomfortable all the time. I would be in so much pain you wouldn't be able to bear it. It will hurt you as much as it would hurt me because you will know it's because of you that I made the change. You would think that you're the one causing me all that pain when we could've just continue living as men who love each other. Adopting is always an option. The baby won't be ours biologically but he or she would be ours to love, to nurture. Can't you see us with a child, like Anna? So beautiful even though she has so many issues? Anna's blindness was genetic. What if our baby is born with deformities? Can we come to terms with that?"