It's Not A Game Of Chance When It Comes To Love

Chapter 13

I had officially ruined our friendship and I hated it. I hated myself for it. It had been bearable bottling up my desire and keeping to our friends pact, but not even being friends was going to be verging on impossible. I needed him to talk to, to share all my problems with, because I knew he’d listen and give me a useful response. I was going to be hopeless without his advice and rationality. He always knew what to say in reply to my outrageous situations.

When the bell rang, dragging me away from my depressing thoughts, I jumped nearly three feet in the air. Grace gave me a funny look. “You were pretty deep in thought there, is something bothering you?” She inquired, looking genuinely concerned.

I sighed, if I didn’t Jord to confer with, I might as well tell Grace. Matt did know after all and so it felt slightly unfair to leave her out of the fold. “I’ll tell you after school, it’s an in depth topic.” I informed her, the weight on my shoulders seeming to grow and grow second by second. I didn’t know if I was going to live through this next lesson.

“Is something bad happening again Jessica?” She asked, unable to help herself.

I nodded. “Something very bad. You know, I think the world actually hates me.” I announced.

She chuckled, despite the reality of my statement. “The world doesn’t hate you, you’re just very unlucky.” She told me.

“Because that’s so much more positive.” I commented sarcastically.

She just had another little chuckle to herself as we made the dreaded journey towards Jord’s classroom.

When we reached the door, I almost stopped stock still, not quite able to make my legs proceed in entering the classroom. After a slight pause, I managed to carry on, keeping my head down and slinking in behind my desk, instantly fishing around in my back despite the book I needed being on the top.

The temptation was to simply put my Ipod on and ignore everything he was saying, knowing that he wouldn’t confront me about it even if he knew I had it on. I couldn’t bring myself to do it though and so reluctantly brought my head up, staring straight ahead and trying not to spare him a glance.

I couldn’t resist it though and let my eyes stray towards where he was standing. I was immediately breathless and tried to slow my fast beating heart as he looked towards the other students, trying to explain some complex forms of Pythagoras’ theorem.

He looked so tempting and my attraction seemed to have been simply amplified by yesterday’s activities. I could still envision his hands roaming my body. Goose bumps rose on my exposed arms and Grace caught my otherwise occupied attention.

“Are you cold? It’s been pretty warm out today.” She inquired.

I just shook my head, happy to ignore her and continue my observation of Jord, letting my imagination run wild at the endless, yet completely unrealistic, possibilities. I wished he’d just exit the room, dragging me with him and shove us inside a janitor’s closet. It might be considered sleazy and gross, but I couldn’t have cared less. I just wanted him.