A Heartstopper Fanfic

Chapter 2: Communication

"N-Nick." I breathe as I simply stand there, my sleeves going past my fingers. He doesn't wake up, again, he's a deep sleeper. Full of guilt I walk over to our bed and weakly nudge him, kinda hoping that I don't wake him up with my light touch or I'll feel awful. To my surprise he flutters his eyes open, confusion on his face because he doesn't remember me leaving his arms, and then concern because I'm pale.

His dominant arm is up by his head so I lay down beside him then grab his hand, draping his arm beside him. I then nestle my forehead against his warm, built chest, "I feel-I feel like shit. I just um- I threw up everything that I had in my system. Now my head is pounding even more, I'm dizzy, and things that shouldn't be spinning are." I let out, feeling relieved to have communicated with him after some time. "Right, okay.." he takes some more time to think and not freak out before adding onto his previous words, "how about we get you cleaned up and then I make you a smoothie? Does that sound good? Are you comfortable with that idea of mine?" It's fine, I'll just tell my body that it's simply a beverage. I won't focus on the fruit which is food that goes into the smoothie...and the ice cream. I won't think about those parts. I won't. "Yea-yes that sounds good, thank you."

___________________________________

Within a matter of minutes I was sitting on the toilet seat of the toilet in our master bathroom. Nick had one of his hands pressing down on a thigh of mine as he wiped my mouth. This was embarrassing, "I can do that myself you know, I'm not a child." He immediately shakes his head, "I disagree, me babying you right now is very necessary. Now, please be good and compliant." That was oddly sexual. "Nick, you're going to make me fall off of the toilet seat." He looks up at me, a piece of his hair immediately falling onto his forehead, "and why's that?"

How naive of him.

"Because you just said something that's oddly sexual, and it made me go limp. If you say something like that again I'll actually fall over and combust." Nick clicks his tongue, "tsk, tsk. You're so naughty Charles, always so horny." I quickly peck his cheek now that my mouth is clean, "only for you."

Side note, simply focusing on Nick's eyes helps the room to stop from spinning so much, it's astounding.

"Alright now that you're all sorted out I'm going to get started on your smoothie, okay?"

"That's actually a really great idea, thank you." I reach out to grab his face and he rubs his cheek against the palm of my hand, even kissing it to show me some extra affection.

Nick throws a big smile my way then heads out the door.

So, why on Earth am I not eating in the first place? That's an easy question to answer, it's the only way that I can have control over something to do with myself. With my mental health in a trash can this is how I have a hold on something, I control whether I eat or not, how much I eat and when I do. It's counterproductive though because it makes me feel worse, extra shitty when adding it up with my mental state...so even then I still feel out of control. And that's when my OCD joins in on the "fun". The wiring in my brain is certainly not up to par.

___________________________________

  I'm in the kitchen, sitting on a barstool with two smoothies sitting in front of me.

Nick must've clocked the look on my face because he quickly and cheerfully goes, "I made one for myself because I figured that having a partner in that sense would help." Fuck. How can someone be so in love with someone else?

"I love you." Is all I let out, not even a mere "thank you". Nick smiles then puts a straw in my drink before putting one in his own, "I love you more."

Moments later I can confirm that the smoothie was good, but definitely what he drinks before working out or playing rugby with his lads. Huh. I honestly believed that those sort of shakes would taste horrible.

Anyways, I was so caught up in conversation with Nick that I unconsciously continued to take large gulps, and at times small sips. Long story short, I finished it and the cup is now waiting in the sink to be washed along with Nick's.

In a split second Nick gets out of his seat and comes up behind me to kiss my shoulder blade, "hey, I'm proud of you." I had heard what Nick said but wasn't necessarily listening. My mind is so loud at the moment that I'm drowning in the thoughts.

I could really abuse my drum set right now.

Having not received a response from me, Nick spins the barstool that I'm sotting on around, forcing me to look at him, "and I'll never get tired of you due to these minor setbacks, okay?" I slowly nod as I twiddle my thumbs, some tears manifesting in my eyes, "thank you for saying that, I really needed the reassurance."

I needed to hear  that.

Nick smiles and then swipes the tears away with his nimble thumb, "I'll always be here to reassure you Charlie, to help you heal, and to be a shoulder for you to cry on. Always Char, I promise." His arm extends out towards me. It's an offer to help me get get up, ""Now, how about I just wash the dishes later and we instead watch any movie of your choice on the couch right now?"

I take his hand, "okay, yeah, that sounds really nice."

___________________________________

Nick props his legs up and onto our coffee table whilst also lifting his arms, allowing me to rest my head on his lap as my legs drape off of the edge of our couch. Only after I settled in and got cozy with a blanket did he lay his arms across my chest.

Being the hopeless romantic I am, I chose a romcom, so I was basically glued to the tv and wasn't focusing on my sore neck from having keep it turned to the side.

  "That guy is so stupid! She clearly likes him and he clearly likes her, so why would he kiss someone else?!" I groan out of frustration, hating what I picked, "straight men are idiots- well- in this case,  cishet men in general! I swear that they're born with no common sense!" Nick is quick to gasp at my statement, "hey! Past me takes offense to that! I used to be- well no, I just thought that I was straight- but still! At the time I was pretty emotionally available, and I was also arguably brainy."

All I can do is blink a couple times at his argument while I process it.

"I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear what you just said."

In response to my comment, Nick ruffles up my black curls, causing them to lay on my forehead and slightly obstruct my vision. I blow on them, lazily attempting to make them move, but alas, that does nothing. Surprise, surprise.  "Gosh, you're adorable" is all that I hear before I get attacked by Nick's merciless tickling. "Stop it, stop!" I whine whilst laughing, now believing that my death was going to be from getting tickled by my boyfriend.

Author's note: Sorry if this chapter was bad! Having just started this book I'm not sure where I'm taking it, but I do know that I want to try my best to being out every aspect of Nick and Charlie's relationship into it, the beautiful and the ugly.