A Heartstopper Fanfic

Chapter 1: Bittersweetness

TW: ED BROUGHT UP, SH BROUGHT UP, + A HUGE ARGUMENT

(Charlie's POV)

Taking in deep breaths in an attempt to ground myself,  I can't help but to be distracted by the feeling of my hands involuntarily shaking. My throat is also hurting, raw from the shouting. And my eyes, my eyes are being invaded by salty tears that I just can't seem to blink away no matter how much I try.

"We haven't fought in years, especially like that." Was all that left my mouth in an incredibly flat tone, my voice teetering. Nick purses his lips before making a clicking sound with his tongue, "yeah."  He's stood away from me, hands stuffed into his pockets. Though, I imagine that they're shaking too.

We both hate arguing, it makes us feel horrible.

It's true, Nick and I rarely fight, but when we do it's for stupidly emotional reasons. And believe me when I say that this argument was no different.

___________________________________

(Flashback)

Lily, our puppy, hoists herself up and onto Nick and I's bed with one really powerful jump, waking me.

According to the watch on my nightstand, it's currently noon. I push out a breath. Lately, I've been sleeping in to avoid feeling that brewing heaviness in my chest. The one that I don't miss, and definitely never will. And yes, I'm aware that it's a negative coping mechanism seeping from my youth. This time around though, even when I'm equipped with Geoff's knowledge, I can't help it.

Giving in is just so easy right now.

Now awake, I'm simply staring blankly at the wooden flooring in our room. I have no desire to get up, or even slightly move an inch. That is until Lily nudges my hand and looks up at me with her big brown eyes. So,,I find myself petting her a few times. Her presence alone provides me with some comfort, even a bit of serotonin. And that's a really refreshing feeling to be experiencing right now.

Nick suddenly creeps into the room, a look on his face that I can't quite place, "Charlie, you're awake." I look up at him and his eyes slightly soften at the sight. Nick gulps and then breathily sighs. "I am." I say, stating the obvious. In response to my words, my boyfriend states the obvious as well, "it's the afternoon." His voice is for some reason small, and I can't quite figure out why until I see the worry being illustrated on his face.

Nick's brows are slightly furrowed and a grin is missing. There's almost always the dorkiest of smiles on Nick Nelson's face, especially when he's looking at me.

"Nick, what's wrong?" I innocently question, motioning for him to come sit down beside me.

Unbeknownst to me, Lily's ears immediately go back. It's as if she can sense the rain and thunder that's about to come down on this room.

"God. That's really rich of you, you know? How can you ask me what's wrong as if nothings happening with you, I- when you're-" Nick paused, simply looking at me for a moment, "I'm really worried about you, Char!"

"Worried? You're worried?! Yeah, you yelling at me sure did paint that picture. No Nick, newsflash, you're obviously furious with me!" Tears bred from frustration began to stream down his face, "I'm angry because I can't do shit when you tell me nothing! I'm angry because it hurts to watch the love of my life suffer whilst you expect me to just stand by! It's tearing me apart! Please Charlie, anything, please, tell me anything! Tell me what's going on, please. What's bothering you? What's making you upset? I want to help. I want to be there for you. Don't shut me out after all these years of not doing so, please."