Teach me to trust

61. Sinful

"I'm okay I just thought we could plan it. Unless you already have something in mind? Either way I'm happy"

"Oh okay" he lays back down, "Yeah I booked us in somewhere tonight"

"Thank you" I respond, looking over at him "You know you don't have to wait on me hand and foot, right? This holiday is supposed to be relaxing for the both of us"

I watch him as I lean over and pick up my drink, sipping it through the straw and raising my brows at him when he frowns at my words,

"You deserve to relax" he begins, looking over at me, "You've been through a lot recently and you deserve this break. If waiting on you hand and foot means you get to relax more, then so be it. I'm happy to be at your beck and call"

"After tonight, can you promise that you'll just relax with me? I'll feel better if you could enjoy this as much as I am. You deserve to relax too. You've been right there with me through it all"

"Okay. After tonight, yes I will laze around and do absolutely nothing other than going with the flow" he lifts his glass to cheers me, "That sound good?"

I cheers him and smile,

"That sounds amazing, yes" I put my glass down and stand from the bed, "I'm going to cool down, I'll be right back"

I start down the sand towards the sea, heading in and crouching down until the cool water covers my shoulders, tilting my head back and relishing in the feeling of the cool water through my hair.

The startling realisation that this is the first holiday I've been on in years hits me, the last time I went away was with my family who I haven't spoken to in years. A bridge burnt through years of no affirmative love and affection and no level of understanding for the youngest member of the family.

Any ex-boyfriend I had never bothered to take me on a date, never mind a holiday.

These thoughts surprisingly don't upset me as much as they used to, that feeling of loss and missing out doesn't hurt my heart the way it used to, now it just makes me feel grateful for the things I do have in my life. My best friend, there for me since I moved here, the friends I found in the most unexpected place, and Nate, who I'm now realising is probably the love of my life.

I float in the water, feeling not only the warmth from the sun but a warmth radiating from my chest and through my entire body. A feeling of love and gratitude and appreciation for the most important people in my life.

The family I found and chose to love.

I stand from the water and head back to the bed, a sudden urge to be back next to Nate when a couple catches my eye down the beach. I stop and turn my head to watch as a man drops down onto one knee and seemingly opening a box, laughing up at his girlfriend who drops to her own knees in front of him and throws herself at him.

I wish I had my phone on me to take pictures for them but spot someone hiding behind a sun lounger nearby and taking pictures of them.

I turn back to Nate, sending him a beaming smile and bounding over to him, dropping on the bed next to him and grabbing his face in my hands, kissing him hard and swallowing his groan. His large hands cradle my hips, squeezing them and tugging me close and holding me to him as I pull away.

"I love you" I breathe out, smiling giddily at him, "I love you more than anything and I can't wait for everything our life is going to be"

I notice the way his breath catches in his throat, his eyes widening and his lips stretching in a grin, his perfect teeth on full display,

"I love you" he kisses me "So much" he kisses me again "I'm going to make our life together the best it can be"

I laugh down at him, kissing him once more before standing and finishing my drink, shaking the empty glass at him and stepping away to head to the bar down the beach,

"Drink?" I ask, "I'm going to get a top up and maybe an ice lolly"

"No, I don't think you are" he stands and takes the glass from my hand, pushing me to lie back down by a firm grip on my backside, "Remember I have until tomorrow morning to wait on you, so relax, I will be right back"

I drop down, leaning back on my hands and smiling up at him, laughing when he runs his eyes across my body, tilting his head back and groaning to himself. He shakes his head and runs his hand through his hair,

"You're going to be the death of me" he looks back at me, his teeth catching his bottom lip, "It should be a sin to look the way you do right now"

I laugh as he walks away, laying back and smiling over at him when he turns back to look at me,

"Sinful, baby. Sinful"