Undeniable Lies- Saiouma/Oumasai Fanfic

Chapter 65- Promise me

That's not-

Your fault. It is your fault. All of them, Kaito, Maki, Miu, Naoko, Eiko, Rika, Yua, Diachi, Himari, Akio, and Kuero. Dead because of you, some you could've been there. Others, you were but did nothing. You piece of shit.

All the thoughts I'd been holding in, he spat at me without any kind of restraint or hesitation. My heart beat was rapid, my breathe quickening. It was difficult to breathe, as the scenes I'd seen, the ones I imagined of their deaths played out in front of me. Tears cascaded down my face, silently panic setting in. Terror, guilt, sadness, anger, all of those emotion intertwined as I cried watching the replays.

The last one, hit hard.

A memory of my mother. Her weakened state in the hospital, smiling with sadness in her glassy eyes. She held my cheek telling me it would be okay. She'd pull through and live on with me.

Of course, it was a massive lie as us Oumas are known. Her funeral, dark and dreary, only me and a social worker attending the service. I pounded on the casket, begging for her to wake up but there was silence. I was so young then.

I never wanted to see Shuichi in that same state. Unable to keep going because of something out of his control. And me? Being the direct cause, I wouldn't be able to handle the guilt.

The scene returned of him in the bed. The monitor beeping every so often. Before- before it went off. My face was covered in my own tears, I walked over to his bedside. Looked at the dead boy on the bed, Shuichi. It's my fault. I held his hand and squeezed it, hoping for a response only to receive no such thing.

New tears emerged, I didn't hold in the sobs that time. My fault. I should've just stayed away from you. I'm sorry. Damn it, why couldn't you just stay away!

I woke up, being shaken awake by the person whom I'd been so afraid of losing. He pulled me into him, where I continued to cry on his shoulder. I was so scared, but he was right there all along.

If he stays there, he'll only get hurt.

I c-can't deal with you right now.

I'll be back, I am you afterall.

I was terrified, but he held me tightly while I clung to him. He didn't ask any questions, just sat in the room with me. Letting me, let everything I'd been holding out for the first time in a long time. They were gone, gone and not coming back. But he was still here. Anyone could die at any moment, so I had to stop thinking about the possibility. Everyone dies eventually, what is it they say? Cherish the moment? That seemed right.

I calmed down enough for him to pull away and look at my face. Snot and all. He wiped my tears away from under my eyes and I held that hand. I smiled slightly at him.

"Let me grab some tissues," He reeled back to the restroom. "Here." He held them out to me.

I grasped a few, blowing my nose. "Ew! Snot! Get it away from me Shumai!" He smiled at my statement and grabbed the tissues from a snot free area. Then threw them in the garbage.

He sat back down next to me, "You okay to talk about it. You were shaking, crying and mumbling in your sleep."

I stared for a few minutes. I wanted to talk to him about it, but if I did-

That guilt may be justified.

Y-yeah.

I locked eyes with him. "T-they're dead, and it's my fault." Such a simple statement for all the feelings I'd been embodying.

His eyes widened, "It's not your fault- none of this is! I'm sorry I blamed you- Maki did what she did. A-and Miu chose murder, I'm sorry-" My eyes welled up. "I'm so sorry-" He enveloped me in a hug once more.

"Y-you don't get it!" I screamed. He held a shocked expression. "Everyone I care for is dead. All gone! DICE is gone, my mother has been gone, all the friends from our game hated me. Miu tried to kill me, Eiko is dead, Sachio sees me as a pest, everyone else just tolerates me!" I pushed him away and cried into my own hands. I sounded so dumb, idiotic even.

Reminded me of a certain astronaut. He stayed quite, looking at me with pity it seemed. But also trying to piece something together.

I wiped my eyes. "You know, you're the only one who acts like they care anymore. I'm just a lying little bastard who should've died a long time ago. Only wish I'd realized sooner. I would've kept you far away, keep you away from all my issues. But I've got you way more involved than anyone else.

"If only Kaito hadn't invited me that day, or if I'd said no. Or have waited for the later bus. I would've got you in my mess of a life."

Tears fell silently from his eyes. "I-I wanted you in my life. So don't take all those times away! They may be gone but there are still people who care about you. T-the night y-you fell asleep in my lap during the movie, when you comforted me in the middle of the night. The ferris wheel, you remember? We rode it all the way to the top, watching the sunset. A-and the fireworks!

"Our dance in the cafeteria when we took a tour here. The night where we all celebrated being discharged. A-and the radio in your room in the hospital. When we sung together. Don't apologize for any of it. I won't let you apologize for it."

I leaned forward. "Then promise me Shumai." He nodded, "We'll go on that wheel again."

He rubbed his eyes, "It's a promise."

...

A/N

Woo day early update! I have a con tomorrow so I probably wouldn't remember to post this lol, hope everyone is doing well. 

Also, any theories on the mastermind? I love seeing your comments whether I laugh or they influence the actually story, their a delight to see.

(For Example the science lab wasn't original planned to be there and someone commented about how it would probably be important to the trial, thus poison)

Hope you're having a good day/night or whenever you're reading!

~silliesgirlz out