He sighs exasperatedly "Seriously, stop it."
At that, I turned to look at him straight in the eyes "What? Stop what?? Huh? You want me to stop WHAT?" I snapped. He sucks in a small breath, clearly slightly taken aback. He's probably just as stunned as I am at the fact that I could no longer keep this in.
"I want things to stop too, okay!" I continue, raising my voice more and more. At this point, I'm full on yelling at him "I want it just as much as everybody else! Just as much as you!"
I shut my eyes tightly and grip my hair in my fists, tugging them as if they're the ropes to my sanity. I grit my teeth "I want to stop!". My face is wet now. I hadn't realise when I even started crying. "I want to stop! but everything. keeps. MOVING!"
Now I'm starting to feel everything I've been suppressing these past few months. Everything, all at once. I'm bawling my eyes out, my head is pounding, my heart is racing and I can't breathe. Dear God, I can't breathe. I lean back on my seat and grip my shirt, yanking on the fabric. I look up and gasp in air in between choking sobs.
Then I felt his arms circling me, pulling me close to him. I wanted to push him away, tell him I don't need him to do that, that I can manage this alone. Instead, I found myself completely disobeying and melt into his embrace. I ball the front of his mustard sweatshirt in my fist and bury my face in his chest.
Somewhere between hiccups and tears blurred vision, he starts to stroke my hair. I exhaled and closed my eyes. The sound of his rapid heartbeat hums in my ear, calming me.
He held me like that for a while. Neither of us saying anything. We just sat there.
I wish we stayed there.
