Fuck you for ruining NYC for me (G×G)

I missed you

***

It didn't even take 10 minutes until we were walking alongside the river with the Brooklyn Bridge behind our backs. We were making some small talk on the way here, mostly about Alex, Nina, and Nora, but definitely not about us. Not yet.

"I guess I should explain why we needed to end our last conversation abruptly." Cari started the real conversation.

"You don't need to expla..." I started immediately.

"No, I want to." She jumped in before I could finish my sentence. "I have been working hard on myself and the way I handle different events in my life. I realized that I get into things without thinking and by the time I realize that it was not the right choice of action, it is too late to get out of it. I wanted to avoid that mistake by stepping back and letting everything I learned sink in first. Now I am ready to make decisions and express myself."

I could feel that she practiced that part of her speech a few times. Maybe alone, maybe with Nina or her psychologist, I don't know but I was happy for her. Realizing these inner attributions that are not helpful for you and intentionally trying to change them is a huge step.

I stayed quiet and let Fletcher express herself. Throughout the years, I learned to appreciate quiet gaps in a conversation and learned that they do not have to be awkward. Sometimes people just need an extra few minutes to collect their thoughts and express them the way they mean to.

"I am really angry at the both of us." Cari started once again a few minutes later. I looked at her but she was looking towards the river.

"At the both of us?" I asked back quietly. I did not expect her to be angry at anyone but me.

"Yes, we were both idiots and we did not communicate well. I thought what happened was 80-20% your fault but I believe it is actually 50-50." She looked into my eyes. I don't know if it was that look or what she said, but my heart started to beat faster.

"Well, I... I am glad I was able to show you some of the events from my point of view. I still think it was mostly my fault and I take full responsibility for it but thank you for changing your mind." I said.

"I do have more questions though." Cari stopped and leaned against the railing while still looking into my eyes. "If you really thought I was happier this way, why did you decide that you want to tell me the truth?"

I took a big breath and looked over at the Manhattan skyscrapers for a few seconds before looking at her once again.

"Throughout the years, I really regretted handling the situation the way I did. Even if it would have ended up the same - with us, broken up - we should have cleared things up. And besides that..." I took a big breath and needed to look away. "Your songs let me get an insight into how you experienced our relationship. I was not a good girlfriend, I realized that much, but I still felt like some of the events happened differently than how you thought and I needed you to know the truth." I shrugged my shoulders, trying to downplay how much her songs actually affected me. "I didn't want you to forever remember us with such a bitter taste in your mouth."

"And what do you want now? That's it? You told me so we go and live our separate lives and nod at each other when we inevitably run into each other?" Fletcher asked and I could hear that her voice was shaking a bit. I had to look at her again. I could not read her mind, but she had something on her face that made me believe that this wasn't what she wanted.

"Cari, I will be completely honest with you." I took a big breath to gather all of my confidence and I turned fully toward her. She also adjusted her position so it was a direct copy of mine. "I would love to be part of your life as much and as close as you are willing to let me. The last 6 years were bloody hard. I hated that I couldn't be there to support you and celebrate your accomplishments. I hated that you weren't there to do the same for me. I feel like we missed out on so many things in each other's life and I would love to change that in the future." I spread out my laps for her to see my true intentions. I didn't care in which way I stayed in her life as long as I could be part of it.

"I don't know..." Cari sighed and closed her eyes but didn't move. "I spent the last few years trying to forget you, trying to stay mad at you. I couldn't stop thinking about what happened, what I have done wrong, and what I should have done differently." I could see that a single teardrop started to slide down her face. "I don't think I can let you close if you plan to leave again."

"I am not going anywhere. I am not running anymore." I stepped closer to her and gently touched her folded arms so she would look at me. "I changed, we changed. We are not the same people who we were six years ago and we don't react the same way to things anymore. I believe I learned a lot from my mistakes and I know what I want from life and what I don't. I promise that I will never leave again without talking to you first." I looked deep into her eyes to show that I meant every single word I said.

"Please, hug me," Cari said quietly. I didn't need another word, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer so our bodies were pressed against each other. Fletcher wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her face in my shoulder while I held her. Her smell filled every little segment of my brain. I was shaking while I felt incredibly hot at the same time. I had a huge lump in my throat while tears were flowing down my face.

I tried to memorize every single second of this hug because I wasn't sure if I will ever have the chance to experience this again. I could feel that she was also holding me tight while shaking. We stood like this for minutes before she decided to take a step back and slowly let go.

"Okay. Let's try to be friends but slowly. I need to get to know you again." Cari offered and a huge smile spread all over my face. "I feel like we will have a lot of hard conversations, but... I missed you.

"I missed you too, Car. So much." I used her real nickname once again which made her laugh gently. "I can't wait to build up this friendship."