Of sweet and sour - poetry book

╰─▗ ▘➤𖥸 Styx

·˚ ༘ ➳〔I can't breathe underwater, just so you know, life〕 ࿐ ࿔:🖇

I always had this weird attraction to water in all of its states.
I lived all my life just next to it, I can't understand how someone hates
The fluidity of water or the somehow familiar cold of ice
Or the heaviness of the steam that falls in your lungs; it feels so nice.

It seems like it always called to me in a strange way,
Bringing me back from where I left when I'd go astray —
Dead waste of my soul floating in the cobalt blue...
We are all swimming in this huge cauldron, searching for what it's true.

It's crowded here, between ashes of sentiments,
Screams of frustration, muffled by your own hands —
Such polluted water, yet still we toss there more,
More of the tears and memories, trying to build a shore.

But I was attracted to it, the sea, the powerful feeling I'd have
When I would stand up, refusing to kneel in front of a wave,
And then I'd look for anything that would resemble the treacherous water,
Even the bathtub, trying to drown myself in bubbles of bitter laughter.

I'm oh too familiar with death and how safe it sometimes feels,
With its skeletal hands sometimes my conscience peels,
Leaves me naked in my bathtub, naked of my truths and lies,
Who cares anymore about what the heart says when it cries?

But I guess death might really hate me because every time
I decide to try again, I stop before I can step over the line,
And I don't really understand what keeps me tied,
To the useless, filled cauldron of my young and disturbed life.

I'm left breathing fine underwater, fighting to drown myself,
Such a feeling no one can dismiss, I can't do anything with your help...
Let me go, you are holding onto me by the tips of my thumbs,
There's no reason to push up someone who wants to not just feel like she drowns.