Void | Depressed Todoroki x Midoriya

33 | Buckle

"Answer me. You are being so disrespectful, Shouto!"

I'm not trying to be... That's not it at all. I'm sorry... I just... I'm trying... Why am I never enough? Why am I only useful for being useless? Why does everything I do prove to me that I'm just worthless? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Endeavor...

"I will give you three seconds to respond. Three... Two..."

Todoroki felt his knees buckle as he collapsed to his knees.

Whook!

The pulsating grip of the impact from metal on bone shook Todoroki's body as his shoulder was struck by the belt buckle Endeavor held. He felt that same pain but in varying intensities and regions around his body again and again and again. He could taste the sour, blood-filled taste of pain circulating throughout his bones.

"Get up. Show me you want me to stop."

I don't...care. I don't care anymore... Beat me for as long as you want, but...I'm not getting up. I'm pathetic... I know you're just trying to bring out the fire in me, but things aren't the same anymore. I don't care... It hurts so much that I want to cry, but I've cried so much that I don't have any tears left. I just...feel empty. And I surrender to that emptiness. I did this all to recover...right? This...has to be the right path, then. This is just what fate decided for me. This is...what recovery is... This is what recovery is... This is what I fought so hard to achieve... I'm happy... I have to be by now, right? Right... I'm happy... This is what happiness is. It has to be...

"Aren't you furious, Shouto? Don't you hate me for doing this? Aren't you tired of hurting? Don't you want it to—"

"'On't...'are..." Todoroki uttered below a whisper.

"What?" Endeavor withdrew the belt rather than striking his son's bruised, bloodied, fragile body again.

"I..." Todoroki closed his eyes. "'N't...care..."

For a while, there was only silence, but then, Todoroki heard the clunk of the belt falling to the floor. He didn't bother to open his eyes, but soon after, he heard the shuffle of footsteps slithering towards him. Then, he felt a warm, robust pair of arms cautiously scoop up his body.

I'm as useful as trash. I just take up space in the world and pollute whatever I come in contact with. I do nothing but harm. I'd rather you kill me than this. I'm not asking you to kill me, but...

"I'm sorry, Shouto."

You're not sorry at all, are you? I'm just your weapon, aren't I? You just want to manipulate me, don't you? Do whatever you want to me. I don't care. But I'm tired of this... I just want to turn off my brain, make the world stop spinning, make still the hands of time, and just...make it all stop. I can't take it... I want to close my eyes, cover my ears, and exit this world to live in my own instead. But...the most painful thing of all is that I have so many reasons to live. Do I? Does anyone really care as much as I've been led to believe? I...

Todoroki felt his uniform shift with his body as Endeavor repositioned him. A jagged, burning sensation scraped at his cuts.

"Why are you like this?"

I don't know... Todoroki thought while shrugging. It's really starting to hurt now. But I don't know why I'm like this. I did it all to myself. I hate myself for being like this. Abruptly, he felt his left sleeve jump from his wrist to his elbow, and it was then that he felt the warm, damp splotches of blood that had seeped through his sleeve. Shit. They reopened from...

"Shouto..." Like a rumbling, boiling glacier, Endeavor's voice singed Todoroki's very soul. "How depressed are you?"

I'm not depressed. And don't say it like that. Self-harm and depression aren't the same thing. Please just...stop talking. Leave me alone.

Todoroki feebly shook his head, but Endeavor continued, hissing, "You have no right to be depressed. Do you understand how privileged you are?! All of this... You're pretending to be depressed so you can get off easy? You are less than human if you think this is okay. You are repulsive. You are inhuman. You are nothing but a mistake, Shouto. If this is what you've become, you never should have been born. Get out of my sight. Until you can be considered my son again, I never want to see you again."

Todoroki felt like he'd been kicked into the depths of an ocean, and only the distorted, ringing insanity in his ears could be heard. He felt like he was falling in every direction, and yet, like he wasn't moving at all. He felt like the ocean was alive in his lungs, but that that was all that existed within him.

Then you'll never have to see whatever I am again, Endeavor...