■ Desperate For You ■ 《1》

Crying and anger

My heart felt like it had sank into my stomach.
"What?" I nearly yelled. I looked at Alya. Tears were sparkling in her eyes. Thankfully it was too dark for anyone else to see.
I saved myself quickly. "I-its just that, Alya and I have talked so much, I thought she would've told me."

We sat there in silence once again. I pushed my pie around with my fork. I wasn't anywhere near hungry anymore.

A tear slid down my cheek and I was a second away from full blow sobbing.
I stood up abruptly. "I... I have to use the bathroom." I briskly walked through the kitchen and into the bathroom, closing the door behind me and nearly collapsing onto the floor.
I wept and tried my best to be quiet.
I was devastated. Absolutely devastated. But I was also mad. Why hadn't Alya told me? Why did I have to find out like that.

I used toilet paper to dry my tears, and after it seemed like all my tears had run out, I leaned my head against the door and listened to what they were talking about.

"Should someone go check on her?" I heard Marigold say.
"Uh, I'll go." Alya said. I groaned. For the first time in forever, I really didn't wanna talk to her.

She knocked softly on the door.
"Riley... can I come in?" She sounded sad too.
"Yeah."
I moved away from the door and leaned against the tub.

She walked in and closed the door behind her. In the bright light of the bathroom, I could see that her face was streaked with tears.
I looked at the floor and didn't say anything. She sat next to me and did the same.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, still refusing to look at her.
She took a deep breath and hesitated slightly. "I don't... I don't know. I didn't know how."
I stayed silent for a couple seconds more.
"How long have you known that you were going to move?" I asked in a whisper. I didn't want to know the answer. Not really.
She replied in a whisper as well. "Three months. She told me the morning after we went to that party... where we had our first kiss."

I buried my head in my hands and let out a sob.
"Are you serious?"
She layed a hand on my back.
"I'm sorry.... I'm so sorry. I wish I could stay more than anything."
"I- I can't believe you." I said, my voice growing more and more angry. "Why the fuck wouldn't you tell me? We could've... We could've taken advantage of the time we had."

"I'm-"
I stood up. "I'm leaving."
Her eyes widened and she stood up too. "What? No!" She grabbed my arm. Pulled away from her.
"I'm sorry.... I love you." That was the first time she had ever told me that she loved me. At the time I didn't think a thing of it. I was just mad.
I shook my head and glared at her. "I don't care."

I left and closed the door in her face. I walked into the living room and tried to act normal.
"Mom, uh, can we go home? I'm getting really tired, and I have school in the morning."
Mom nodded. "Yes. We need to get going anyway."

We all said our goodbyes and expressed our gratitude for their hospitality, but Alya didn't come out of the bathroom. I didn't care, I didn't even wanna see her.

On the whole ride home I was quiet as a mouse. My parents occasionally spoke to each other, but it was mostly silent. And long.
We finally pulled up into my driveway. It was around 10:30 at night and the street was dimly lit by street lights and the light spilling out of windows.

We stood in the cold while dad fumbled with the keys as he tried to unlock the door.
"Alright... got it."
I walked inside of the house and ran up to my room.

My bed was soft and warm, I would usually enjoy this, but it reminded me of Alya's bed... and how soon, too soon, the bed, and her, would be gone.
I squeezed my eyes shut and groaned loudly into my pillow. "Urgh!!!" An angry tear slipped out of the corner of my eye.
I cried silently and thought back on what had happened that day. I didn't want to, but it kept replaying. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, like it would make the thoughts slow down.

My breathing has finally slowed, and the tears had finally stopped.
I picked up my phone and texted Wren. I told her everything. As I was typing a several paragraph long rant, I got a notification. It was a text message. From Alya.

Me: she just texted

Besties: what did she say?

Me: "Hi. Meet me in janitors closet after  social studies."

Besties: what? Is she talking about a makeout session???

Me: Idk. I'll deal with it tomorrow.

Wren and I discussed the drama for a little longer, and then I finally rested my head on my pillow and tried my best to get to sleep. I spent an hour staring at the ceiling. I wasn't even tired.
I tried to do some of the sleeping tips mom had told me as a kid. One of them was counting goats or something.

The goats worked. I woke up at my alarm. I was satisfied.
I checked my phone. I had gotten a text from Lucas. It was from 5 minutes before I woke up.

Lucas: Wren told me what happened. We'll give you and Alya space today.

Me: okay. Thanks.

I aggressively layed back in bed and groaned. I didn't need another reminder of Alya. But I was sure I would get a lot of reminders at school. Sitting next to her at math, having a locker near her, and then meeting her in the janitors closet.
I just couldn't wait.