■ Desperate For You ■ 《1》

kissing and drama

The bottle spun round and round.
It slowed, I thought it was going to land on Lucas, who was next to me. I saw Wren cross her fingers.
The bottle didn't land on Lucas, it slowly kept going.... and landed on me.

Alya slowly stood up and moved to the middle of the circle.
I started getting up too. Glancing at Avery, who wasn't watching, and then at Wren, who just shrugged at me. "It's just a game." She mouthed. I nodded.

As I stood up and moved closer to Alya,  I noticed her more than I did before.
She was wearing a green sequin dress that seemed to light up the room.
She was wearing pink lip stick and eyeliner.
Even though I hated her, I still thought she was beautiful.

"Hi." She said, looking me up and down.
"Hey." I said. "Do we kiss?"
"Yeah."

She grabbed my face and kissed me.
People cheered in the background but I hardly heard it.
The kiss felt different than I thought. I thought it would feel like nothing.
But it felt like fireworks and stars and the sun shining on you. It felt better than any kiss I had ever had with Avery.
I felt bad.
I can't be doing this. I have a boyfriend.
I thought.
But I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop.
I put my hand on the back of her head and kept kissing her.

"HEY!" Someone screamed. "WHAT THE FUCK?"
Someone stepped into the circle and ripped us apart.
It was Avery. He looked mad.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" He screamed.

Everyone in the circle moved farther away. People gathered around, forming a bigger circle. Watching. Even the guys that were making out on the couch stopped to watch the drama unfold.

"What? You said I could-"
"Yeah, well how was I supposed to know you liked girls? How the fuck was I supposed to know that you were going to kiss the girl you hate and like it?" His face was turning red from pure rage.
"I-I'm sorry.. I didn't know that I'd-"
"I'M DONE WITH YOU." He yelled. He pushed through the crowd and stormed out the front door.
He slammed it shut.

I just stood there. I was in shock. 
What just happened? I asked myself. My eyes started to sting.
Wren stood up and hugged me. She didn't know what was going on either. So she just hugged me.

●●●

Wren and I left the party early.
I barely said a word to her as we walked to the bus stop.
We sat on the bench and I simply stared at the ground.

"What's going on?" Wren asked me. I didn't look at her, but she sounded worried.
"I- I don't fucking know Wren." I sighed.
"Do you... Do you like Alya?" She asked me.
I thought about how it felt to kiss her. It was better than any kiss I had ever had. Better than the kiss I had with Avery... "I. don't. know." I repeated. Speaking through my teeth.

The bus pulled up and we got in, both of us confused.
We sat in silence. I covered my face with my hands and and groaned. Bent over in my seat, resting my head in my lap.
The empty bus responded with nothing.
All that happened was Wren put her hand on my back. Not saying a word.

●●●

I dreaded Monday morning. But it was already there.
I sat up in bed. I made the mistake of looking at my bedside table, where there was still a picture of Avery and I.
I snatched it and shoved it under my bed.

●●●

As I walked into school I felt the stares and whispers of people that were at the party. I was too tired to care what they were saying. Thinking.

I stared hard at the floor as I approached my locker. I didn't even want to think about Alya, let alone see her.
She probably didn't want to see me either.

I walked through the halls, looking straight ahead. I dreaded math more than I ever had.
I walked into class without saying a word. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Wren turn in her seat to watch me walk to the back of class to mine.

To my surprise, Alya wasn't in class.
She was usually one of the first people seated, but never later than me.
I sat down. At least I wouldn't have to deal with sitting next to her all class.

●●●

The rest of the school day I didn't see Alya once. We didn't have too many classes together, but I would usually see her in the halls.
Whatever. I thought. We don't wanna see each other anyway.

I walked through the halls alone. Going to my locker. Unfortunately, I passed by Avery. It's not like I could just turn around.
He was standing with his freinds. He rolled his eyes upon seeing me. He whispered something to his friends and they laughed.
"Dudeeee I bet she heard that."

My eyes stung with tears. I turned away from him and ran down the hall. Avery and his freinds laughed more.
I swung open the door of the janitors closet and locked it behind me.
I sank to the floor and buried my face in my hands, sniffling.
"Why is this happening to me?" I sobbed.

I heard a small whimper behind me. I jumped. It was Alya.

"Oh. Sorry." I looked at the floor.
"Its alright." She choked out. Her mascara was running down her cheeks.
"Uh... are you alright?" I asked.
"I don't have freinds anymore." She said simply. "They left me because they heard about the party."
"W-what?"

Alya wiped away her tears and started explaining what happend. "Well, this morning they heard that I went to the party and didn't tell them. Bella was really mad because she wasn't invited and I didn't take her with me. And then..." She wiped her nose with the sleeve of her shirt. "She told all of my other friend that I hooked up with her boyfriend at the party. A-and, I don't even like men."

More tears rolled down from her bloodshot eyes, ruining her mascara even further.
I scooted closer to her. "I'm sorry."
She looked at the ground.
"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that I kissed you and fucked up your relationship with Avery and dragged you into all this drama and for being mean to you that time when you bumped into me and... everything."

I moved even closer to her and hugged her.
She wrapped her arms around me too and buried her face in my chest. She was basically in my lap cuddling me at this point. I hoped she couldn't feel how fast my heart was beating.

"You're not straight... right?" She asked, looking up at me.
I was a bit taken aback. "Uh- no, no, no I'm- I'm definitely not straight."
"Hmm..." She hummed. She reached up to play with my with my hair. Was she... teasing me?

"Do you want me to kiss you?"
Yes
"I-I dont know?" I stuttered. My face turned bright red.
She took that as a yes and caressed my cheek, her face inching closer to mine every second.

It was pure bliss. One hand was massaging my hair and the other was rested on my cheek. My hands were placed on either side of her waist.
I kept my eyes closed, hoping that feeling would never end.

She pulled away.
"G- gotta get to class." She gasped for air.