Daisy Chains and Grass Stains

Chapter 1 - Newbie

Chapter 1

- Newbie

My hands are shaking as I pack the final things into the giant suitcase sitting on my bed.

Behind me, my Dad's aching presence clutches at my heart and I cast my head down. I was breaking him and I didn't know what to do.

"Callie..." his voice is crackly like that from an old radio. He'd been crying.

I slowly turn to look at him. He's standing in my doorway, hands clutched together in front of him as he watches me. Over the last few months, his hair had begun to turn grey, his face more wrinkled than normal and his eyes had faded from their cheerful bright blue, the colour of which Cameron had inherited, to a dull, lifeless grey. Much like mine.

Though through everything, his lips still curled up in a small smile whenever he looked at me, as if my very presence still being there brought him joy. Even if my presence was more ghost like than physical.

"Oh Dad. It'll be okay. I'll be okay," I assure him with a whisper.

The look on his face told me otherwise but instead of saying anything, he spread open his arms, beckoning me over for a hug.

I throw him a small smile and throw my arms around him, burying my face into his chest. His arms tighten around me and pull me closer than my comfort zone allowed but I let him hold me. I let myself breathe in his comforting smell because I knew that this could very well be the last time I ever smelt it. I could feel tears building in the back of my throat, like a river ready to burst its banks. So with a gulp, I swallow back the rising waterworks and break from the hug.

"I'll be back soon. And you can come visit." I look up at his tired face and send him a weak smile.

Dad smiles, the wrinkles like cracks in his tanned skin. Those wrinkles were my fault. I was toxic.

"Alright Pumpkin. Let's get your bags to the car."

Without another word, he grabs the large suitcase from my bed and lugs it out the door.

I sigh before picking up my carry on, taking one last longing look around my room before heading out.

~

Cameron was silent all the way to the Institution. Every so often I would catch him glancing over at me but as soon as he caught my eyes he would glance away.

However no matter how fast he turned away, I always caught the same look in his eyes.

Worry.

He was worried for me and I had no idea what to say to make it okay. To make everything ok.

I reach out and grab his hand, giving it a small squeeze before letting it drop and re-folding my hands on my lap.

I hear him sigh quietly so I glance over. He looks older than ever. Instead of that usual cheery smile, his lips were pressed together in a straight, unsmiling line. Dark shadows graced his under eyes and made them look sunken, dull, clouds in the sky on a moonless night. This wasn't my brother. This was a shell that I had created. And he was empty.

"I'm sorry Cam. I'm so sorry," I whisper.

He sighs again and catches my eye. "Cal don't."

I shake my head at him. "It's all my fault that this family is falling apart. I'm so sorry."

Cam looks out the window. "This family was already falling apart before this Callie. If you get through this, I have a feeling this family will be stronger for it."