The past and the present.
Two different people.
One's a fool and naive.
Easy to manipulate.
While the other one's rigid.
The one who's eager to get rid of every part of her that reminds her of the picture of the weak one. The past.
It's easy to tell people to never dwell, never look back, and leave the past behind because you can never move forward. Everything happens for a reason. People come and go. Not everyone is permanent. You just have to forgive and move on...
It always sounds easy until it's done.
Seryoso ang pagtitig ko sa aking mukha sa malaking salamin.
My eyes are full of tales. Speaks on mute. Hundreds of whispers are behind my gaze, trying their best to crawl out of the dark hollows. I look different. I feel like I am staring at someone who isn't familiar to me at all.
After all this time, I am trying so hard to change everything about me. My personality, my appearance, my life... then I realised that I was only doing this to change the woman he bruised. The woman who has been left behind. The woman who died.
I pasted a smile on my lips that is currently painted with ruby red. Nananapak iyon.
I never knew red would suit me this well. I never tried to wear this shade of red before. I look like I just kissed a fresh blood scattered in a crime scene.
My mother was obsessed with making my skin young and pretty when I was a teenager. She would take me to clinics every time a weird bump of pimples touched my face. She said it makes me look awful and that boys don't find it so... pretty.
She believed that girls should be girls. Not loud, gentle, dresses appropriately, pleasing, sophisticated, graceful, and beautiful in any way. Image is the only thing she treasures the most. Nothing more.
"Okay na raw po sabi ni direk?" someone called.
Sabay naming nilingon iyon ni Vilma. Umikot ang mata niya at kunot noong minadali ang paglalagay ng kolorete sa mukha ko.
"Done."
I pucker my lips. Simple. It's a skin care brand, that's why. They had to make it look as natural as possible. Except the bold lipstick.
"Did you do what I told you?"
Tumango siya. "Yellow tulips, Madam."
"And?"
Kumunot ang noo niya. "And? Meron pa?"
"I told you, candles!"
Kumamot siya sa batok. "Buti sinabi mo..."
Nilisikan ko siya ng mata at umiling iling.
I went out wearing a nude tube and a fitted jeans. Sinalubong ako ng mga assistant ng director. They told me everything that I had to do. Marami silang sumugod sa harapan ko. I look like a science project, examined by people.
Umirap ako at umilag sa humahawak sa buhok ko. She pursed her lips and signed 'okay' to someone.
Pangalawang shoot ito ngayon. Last day na siguro kapag natapos ito ng maayos. The director is known to be picky and strict. I'll probably be praying for my patience.
"Whenever you're ready," the gay director said while eating something.
I walked and sat in a chair, in front is a white table. Sa aking likod ay puting background. Halos mabulag ako sa sandamakmak na ilaw na nakatapat sa akin. The director was behind it and he was looking at the monitor.
