perf*ct (boy × boy) ✔

forty: anger management issues

solar clarke's pov:

Everything between the moment I saw Nicholas pushing Nathan to the ground and me grabbing Nicholas' collar for it was a blur. I wasn't even thinking what I was doing at that point, because all that had room in my mind was the instinct to protect and go in for the kill.

Nicholas was pressing his palm against my chest, trying to push me away. His face was splotchy and he had narrowed his eyes, looking like he couldn't wait to introduce my face to his fist. It all must have happened in a matter of seconds, but I felt like everything was moving ahead in slow motion.

I lifted my clenched fist and was waiting for the contact of a jaw or maybe a cheek against my knuckles, but it never came. Instead someone grabbed my wrist, hard.

"S-stop it, both of you!" Nathan warned, simultaneously keeping my fist from meeting Nicholas' face and Nicholas' fist from meeting mine. He turned to glare at Nicholas, his eyes wild and brows furrowed: "We're going to talk about this when I get home."

"Whatever, I'm out." Nicholas pulled his hand free and backed away from me and Nathan. Then he opened the car door and slammed it shut before speeding away.

"And you." Nathan's eyes drilled into me. His chest was heaving and I couldn't tell if it was because of panic or anger. "Don't ever do that again. I-I don't care what Nicholas does to me, it doesn't entitle you to hit him. I can take care of myself."

Then he let go of my wrist, turning on his heels and starting to walk away. I leaped to him, seizing his hand. "Hey, wait, you're bleeding."

"So?" Nathan snapped and when he turned to look at me, his eyes were brimmed with tears. He tried to keep his face deadpan, but I could tell how upset he was by his trembling lower lip. 

"I'm sorry." I rushed to apologize and pulled him into a tight embrace. "I'm sorry. I saw him hurt you and just lost it. I promise it won't happen again."

My words finally took the tension from Nathan's shoulders and he buried his face on my chest. I could feel a shiver running through his body, before his uninjured arm clutched around my waist. We stayed like that for a long while, until Nathan stepped back with a sigh.

"I still need to go to work." He explained reluctantly. I offered to take him and he followed me to my car, his shoulders slumped and dragging his feet. Then he slumped on the passenger seat and closed the door, not waiting for me while I tried to gather something I could use as an emergency kit from the back seat. 

"Give me your hand." I told him once I had found the little I had: a bottle of water, tissue paper and some colorful band aids. Nathan tucked out his hand, with similar reluctance than he had walked to the car, and I started cleaning it. There was road rash covering his palm and it looked ruddy and swollen, but I got it patched up in no time.

"PAW Patrol, really?" Nathan let out a small chuckle when he examined the patterns of the band aids.

"Yeah.." I muttered, smiling goofily, and scratched the back of my neck. "I wasn't paying attention when I bought them."

We drove to B&C's in silence. There were about a million things I wanted to say, but the less than ten minute drive there didn't feel like a long enough time. Besides, I had a feeling Nathan needed some time to calm down for work.

"You can wait inside." Nathan offered and even though it was going to be hours, I didn't really mind. I had the LOTR tome in my bag and enough homework for a small town. I could see Nathan working from my corner table though, and that didn't do good for my concentration. 

Then, twenty or so minutes later, Nathan walked to me, placing a tray on the table. On the tray was a heaping plate of fries and a tall glass of milkshake. 

"How did you know I like fries?"

"Wouldn't you like to know that?" Nathan patted his eyes innocently, before adding, with a professional smile on his face: "We have the best milkshake in town."

I sipped the drink, letting out a sound of approval. Only then I remembered something: "How much is it?"

"It's on the house." Nathan's cheeks tinted red and he turned away swiftly, making his way back to the counter. 

During Nathan's shift I got a little homework done, read about twenty pages of the book, ate all the fries and had two glasses of milkshake. Most of the time I spent looking at my hopefully soon-to-be boyfriend: how he took orders, cleaned the tables, talked with the customers and the older couple who owned the diner. He seemed timid around the kids from our school, but comfortable around his bosses. 

The later it got, the more nervous I became. I needed to explain my anger management issues to Nathan and not knowing how he would react was freaking me out. Big time. At least I hadn't gotten into any major fights or troubles lately because of my temper, which I hoped would work on my behalf. 

Then, after Nathan's shift was over, we were sitting in my car in the parking lot of C&B's, and I braced myself for the conversation I really wasn't eager to have. Yet, for Nathan, I was ready to do that and so much more.

"There's something you should know about me." When I said that, Nathan turned to look at me. In his eyes I could see curiosity mixed with nervous anticipation. "When you asked me what you were helping me with, there was something much bigger than passing chemistry with flying colors."

Nathan stared at me, a small 'oh' escaping his lips, but he didn't ask what it was or rush me to continue. 

"I'm, uh, I guess you could say I have anger management issues. I don't always think before doing stupid things, I just let my anger take control. It's gotten me into so much trouble at school and at home, but I haven't been able to stop myself.." I took a deep, shaky breath. 

Just remembering how I had once hurt Nathan, was enough to make me spite myself. My brows knitted together and I lowered my gaze, feeling that anger towards myself filling my every nerve. But then I felt Nathan's hand on top of mine, and all the anger dissolved. I looked up at him.

"But ever since I got to know you, I've been feeling calmer somehow. I'm not angry all the time. And when you're around, even if someone does something frustrating, I can hold myself back. I guess it's because I don't want you to have to witness that side of me." Then I felt a small smile tucking up the corners of my mouth. "So, yes, you too have helped me more than you know."

"Okay." Nathan smiled briefly, before it turned to a frown. "B-but today.."

"I know." I sighed and stumbled to find the right words: "It's just that when someone hurts you, all I see is red. Like today. I didn't even care if it was Nicholas, I just wanted to make him pay for what he did."

Nathan wrapped an arm around my neck, hugging me closer. It was a little bit uncomfortable when he was still sitting on his side of the car and I on mine, but it didn't matter. I embraced him back like there was no tomorrow, inhaling his familiar scent.

"I said something stupid, but I r-really didn't expect him to react that way. Nicholas has hit me only once before, with a baseball bat —"

"What?" My eyes almost popped out of my eye sockets when I heard that. 

"By accident." Nathan rushed to explain, letting out an awkward chuckle. He touched the faded scar on his chin. "Anyway. He isn't usually like that, not to me. So I'm seriously starting to worry."

Nathan told me how Nicholas had started to sneak out at nights, and how defensive he got when Nathan asked him where he was going. How he had been together with Audrey Grace forever, but once they broke up, he hadn't said a word about it. Instead, he had started acting out.

"I think he might be pushing himself too hard, always getting the perf*ct grades and all that.. So, I don't know. Would it be such a surprise if one day he just couldn't keep that up anymore?" Nathan sighed, shaking his head slightly. 

"No, it really wouldn't be." It all made so much sense, actually. If you keep demanding yourself more and more and ignore the signals your body is sending — screaming to you "STOP!" and "NO MORE!" — at some point something has to give in. Whether it is your body or your mental health, it's all the same.

"But I can help you find out what it is, if you want to. We can find a way to help Nicholas together."