Fear of Intimacy

Chapter 2....

"Yes mom I am." I heard her scoff through the phone, making me grind my teeth together. And this is why I'm glad we only talk a few times a year and rarely see each other in person. I could clear as day picture my mom sticking her nose up and glaring down at me.

"Well make sure your schedule is clear for the 25th." Her tone leaving no room for argument. I was going whether I liked it or not. "If you bring someone try and bring a suitable date." This time I really had to clench my jaw together to stop from saying something.

A few years ago I took Josie with me, needing someone by my side, and one look at her my parents immediately deemed her unfit. She didn't come from a wealthy family or a family of status so in their eyes she wasn't good enough to be my friend. Or be in attendance of the gala. It had taken everything in me that day not to say anything.

"I have to go. See you in a few weeks." Not even waiting for a reply back my mother ended the call. I pulled my phone away from my ear and stared at my screen until it turned black.

Always a joy talking to my mom. It was basically a call telling me I better be at the gala in a few weeks. Not once did she care to know how I was doing or anything in my life.

Tears pricked the back of my eyes. I wasn't sure why I still wanted their love and acceptance. I learned long ago that it would never happen, yet I still had a small part of me that hoped one day they would. I should know better than to get my hopes up about anything having to do with my parents.

Blinking back tears I downed the rest of my wine and stood up. Grabbing my clothes I got to work on folding them and packing, needing to get my mind off of the phone call with my mother.

I really did need this vacation.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"You girls ready to go on vacation?" Sydni said as she walked out of the kitchen carrying another bottle of wine.

"Ugh yes. I need to be sitting on the beach drinking a margarita." Lydia groaned.

"With Landon ogling over you." I teased.

"There will be no ogling." Sydni, Josie and I shared a look. Yeah right. Those two were fighting their feelings so hard for each other and didn't even know it. Lydia refused to acknowledge whatever she felt for Wyatt's older brother, Landon. Hell she refused to even tell us what happened between them over 6 months ago. 

"Did you pack skimpy bikini's?" I asked, smirking over the lip of my wine glass. Lydia went silent making all three of us howl with laughter. Thought so.

"I can't wait to sit on the beach and relax." Josie practically moaned as she wiggled her feet in my lap. We all needed this vacation. Just a few days away to relax before coming back to reality.

All of us girls were currently hanging out at Josie's apartment while the boys had their monthly poker night. We may be leaving the day after tomorrow for our trip, but the guys wanted one last night before we leave. Us girls were more than happy to let them have their night while we hung out. It's been a little bit since all of us have been busy with work and life.

I loved our girl wine nights. To meet up with everyone and catch up and gossip with. Growing up I didn't have anyone to do that with until I met Josie in University. The moment we met I gained a sister for the rest of my life. 

Lydia I met a few years ago when Josie started working for her magazine company, Fushion Weekly. She was a few years older than us but I swore sometimes she acted younger than Josie and I. 

Sydni became apart of our group a few months ago. The moment we met we instantly connected and she became the fourth part of our circle. She was dating Bryton, Wyatt's team mate, so it made even more sense that we would all be friends. While Josie and Lydia had more of a...'mature' air about them, Sydni and I were definitely the crazy ones of the group. 

"I tried to pack one of my favorite swimming suits and Bryton literally snatched it from my hand and hid it in our apartment." Sydni said with an eye roll. "Apparently it's too 'skimpy'."

"Wyatt tried to do the same thing to me but little does he know I have multiple swimming suits." Josie said with a smirk. I shook my head smirking, these poor guys had no clue what's gonna hit them.

As the girls talked I sat there silently sipping my wine. I was still replaying the conversation I had with my mother yesterday. In only a few words she still manages to make me feel like a little kid. A little kid that would do anything for their love even though I know I won't get it. I am a grown woman and yet here I am still striving for my parents acceptance.

"Hey you okay?" Josie sat up, nudging me with her knee. "You've been quiet tonight."

"Yeah I'm good." I sent her a fake smile, one she clearly saw through. The look she sent me had me nodding. We've known each other for so long just one look and we knew what was going on. My nod was enough for her to know it was my parents.

Every time my parents have called or forced me to attend some event for them, Josie has been by my side. There to cheer me up and make me feel better. Without her I'm pretty sure I would have gone crazy.

With a small sigh she untangled her legs from my lap and moved to sit next to me, leaning into my side. Josie really was my ride or die. The moment I met her freshman year the two of us bonded like no other. We were 'ying/yang'. Where Josie was more relaxed and was more of a rule follower, I was the opposite.

Part of why I liked to...push the boundaries sometimes was to get a reaction out of my parents. To see if they paid enough attention to notice the things I did. One of the only times they noticed was when I dyed my hair bright pink before some event they wanted me to go to. All I got was one look before they left, leaving me home without another word.

Josie and I just evened each other out. I got her out of her shell a bit and she kept me in line. Josie did a good job of curbing my irrational ideas...usually.

Not wanting to focus on my parents anymore I forced them to the back of my mind. They didn't deserve to take up space in my head. Not when I'm surrounded by people who actually do care about me.

"There is one thing I for sure want to do while we are on vacation." Sydni said a few minutes later. "I looked up a dance club a few blocks away from our hotel that we have to go to."

"Oh a dance club." Lydia perked up.

"We can make it a girls night or drag the boys but it looks really fun."

"I'm in." Josie grinned next to me. She softly nudged my shoulder.

"Me too." I grinned. A dance club was exactly what I needed. "Let me propose a toast." I sat up and lifted my wine glass. "To an amazing vacation we won't forget."

"I second that." Josie clinked glasses with mine.

"To an awesome vacation." Sydni and Lydia tapped their glasses against ours with wide grins.

"And possibly getting dick!" Lydia cheered. Laughing loudly we all clicked wine glasses and cheered. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

So I'm not sure how I'm going to update this book yet. I won't be posting all the chapters at once like I have before. I do have a few more chapters to write so the book is fully done yet, but make sure to add the book to your library so when I do update you'll know! And of course follow my Instagram to know as well :)