APRICITAS [ENG] || Johan Liebert || Monster

Chapter 23 - The Decision

'And me.' She felt as if she could read in his eyes. Even now, his voice was strangely comforting, perhaps because it had lost some of his inseparable coldness.

"I wasn't going to... I just..."

"I haven't slept all night. I thought about everything you told me and I decided..." At this point Johan stopped for a moment, unexpectedly raising his other hand and brushing it through his hair. Although this gesture was so common to all people, in his case it showed how much emotional anxiety he felt within himself and the girl silently stared at him, for she had never seen him like this before. It made her forget about the pistol that was still pointed at her. Even more - amid all this absurdity, she wanted to comfort the man standing in front of her.

"It's okay, Johan. It's okay..." She whispered, and he took a deep breath. This time she had no doubts, her eyes could see it clearly - his hand holding the gun was clearly trembling.

"I concluded that you are right. There is another way. After all of this... I will kill myself. Just like you suggested to me. This will be my gift for you..." Young Tenma's eyes widened in surprise... until she remembered with real horror that she had actually suggested him to take his own life by himself.

"No, Johan!" She started to protest almost desperately. "I don't want you to-"

"You have to know one thing. Well..." The next words were uttered by the young man softly, even in a whisper. "I did not push you away yesterday... and you probably already know why..."

"Would you stop with this if I was with you?" This thought so sudden, so unexpected? No. Now she fully understood that the answer to his yesterday question was so simple, she knew what she should have done, what should have said... everything. There were so many things she wanted to say to him...

"Johan... listen to me... there is nothing wrong with... you to feel... it's nothing wrong..."

"Be quiet, Emiko."

"...there is nothing wrong with the fact that you exist... Because for me... You are the man I want to save... I..."

"Be quiet!"

"...I want to create a Paradise for you."

"SHUT UP!" Johan pulled the trigger, but due to the trembling that inexplicably refused to leave his body, he mis-aimed and the bullet, instead of piercing one of her vital organs, injured her left arm. Almost at the same moment a trickle of blood flowed from this wound, but Emiko didn't seem to feel pain, because she realized that he must have felt much bigger inside of him, since his childhood. She smiled a little, remembering such an important thing that she had to say, especially if it was really her end...

"Even... if you kill me here... we'll meet again... there on the other side..." The young woman with a slight smile and tears in her eyes looked straight into his own, so beautiful, reflecting a huge, immeasurable ocean. "...And then, what will you do?"

'...Ah so much I would want to tell you how much I love you...'

Suddenly there was a soft sob and the sound of a metal hitting the floor. After that, the man left quickly... He left the hotel apartment, where he would never go back again...

****

Emiko was still sitting in the park, staring at the view that spread before her eyes, feeling incredible sadness at the same time. She couldn't come to terms with everything that happened to her... with Johan's decision that wasn't right. She knew that after all this, she wanted to save him. Really wanted to save him.

She covered her face with her hands, unable to hold back the tears. It didn't matter to her that it was the middle of the day and there were people walking in the park... She herself felt as if she was in a secluded dimension, away from mere mortals. She felt an incredibly strong inner struggle inside of her... about things she had to do and things she just wanted to do.

'...Johan...'

She sat there all day, lost in thought and still looking for answers to the questions and doubts that swirled in her. She felt as if she was walking through distant galaxies, traversing her way through the stars trying to lead her to something... On some path at the end of which she would meet the light of wisdom and heart, evenly connected to each other.

The girl slowly raised her head, directing her gaze towards the sun, but to her surprise, instead of the setting sun, she saw only a glow after it - the sun went down, leaving a rose-gold tint on the sky.

"When you're in the darkness, you only sink deeper into it. Keep the light shining. Tomorrow will surely be a better day..."

A glow began to appear in the eyes of the young woman, mixing with the shades of the sky - she remembered the words of her brother that she heard from him so many years ago... Slowly her face began to brighten with a gentle smile, and tears flowed from her eyes again... This time, however, they were mixed with happiness that slowly began to spread over her entire body.

Emiko already knew what she would do when the right moment came again. This knowledge... This unwavering faith that she will get one more chance from fate made her feel that hope still lives in her... Quietly... in the most secret recesses of her soul, like the most precious treasure.

She knew that if she opened the chest that currently hides it, there would be a chance that the least expected miracle might happen.

(art by me)