Centers of Fate - Stray Kids

Chapter 7 - Fate

The week came and went, and Chan was only looking forward to seeing Jeongin again. As nervous as he was, he hoped he hadn't ruined too much between them for it to be super awkward. He heard that reunions weren't always the smoothest, but at least his friend was willing to give him a chance, which is all he could ask for. He tapped his toe rhythmically on the sidewalk outside the front door of the library they used to go to. It was one of the few places Chan was allowed to go without permission. He could wait inside, but he did like the fresh air, and getting out of the apartment for the first time in a week or so was nice.

"Hi Channie! You look great." The familiar voice sang out as Chan started to blush.

"Hey!"

Chan wanted to run up to Jeongin and give him the biggest hug, but he decided to respect his boundaries. He was wearing the same outfit he wore the day of his Final Evaluation, his sky blue jumper and black shorts. The same day they both found out they were in love with each other. His black hair was disheveled, but still looked adorable. Chan made the effort to take a shower, so his damp brown curls were out in full force. He wore his nicest black hoodie with black gym shorts. He wanted to look presentable for Jeongin to let him know this meeting was important to him. This was his version of dressing up. It was much better than the sweatpants and sweater he wore for days on end when he stayed at home and didn't want to leave the apartment.

They scanned their key cards and walked into the library. It reminded Jeongin of library drawings he saw in old books, which is why it was his favorite despite having access to better ones. Brown carpet, brown walls, comfy couches to sit on. The younger hadn't been here in a while since he was busy with work. The breakup affected him as well. His way of coping was to pick up extra hours at work and exhaust himself to the point where he didn't have to think about being alone in a strange place and not having his boyfriend next door to cuddle with. Chan did visit his apartment when they were together, but the bus rides back and forth took a lot out of him.

"Do you want to go to our spot? Or is it too soon?" Chan asked, resisting every urge he had to hold the boy's hand, who was now the same height as him, which weirded Chan out.

"No, that's fine." Jeongin looked at him and smiled. "Don't be so scared. I'm happy to see you again too."

Jeongin looked past Chan and noticed a new face behind the counter. A tall boy with a mop of brown hair caught his gaze, and Jeongin quickly looked away. He didn't want Chan to think something irrational as he tended to do. There was something mysterious about his aura, and Jeongin felt a pull towards him that he couldn't explain. It wasn't romantic at all, as Chan was still his only love, but he couldn't figure out what it was.

"You okay, In?" Chan asked when he noticed how distracted Jeongin was.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just a weird thought, but don't worry about it."

Chan laughed. "That's kind of what I do though."

They found their old couch in the far corner by the non-fiction section and sat close to one another, legs barely touching. Both of them wanted to hold hands, but they were too scared, despite Jeongin reassuring Chan that he shouldn't be. It wasn't like seeing each other after so long was awkward. In fact, it felt very comfortable. Despite their difference in mental health rating, they often felt the same way. It made Jeongin wonder how reliable the whole system was. Either that, or Chan was stronger than Sub-Standard, which, Jeongin thought, of course he was. He felt like the boy at the counter was watching him, but he ignored the thought.

"So..." Chan's brown eyes held the sadness they always did, but not as hidden as it once was.

"You went to a therapist." Jeongin reached out his hand to Chan, and he instantly grabbed it with both of his and held on tight.

"Yeah. Mom needs money for bills, so I need to get a job."

"Was it because of me?"

Chan stared down at a spot on the carpet. "It was my fault, so it couldn't be you. I kept turning you away. Please don't be mad at me."

"Channie." Jeongin paused, feeling his heartbeat speed up. "I can never stay mad at you for long. I love you."

"Even after how I've treated you?"

"I loved you when you didn't love me back. Actually being with you can never be as bad as that was."

"I love you too. So much." Chan looked up at Jeongin, tears welling in his eyes. "I'm so sorry. I should have been more brave for you. I blame myself every day."

Chan went back to staring at the carpet, but this time put his head on Jeongin's shoulder. They sat like that, hands clasped, for what felt like forever. Jeongin took this opportunity to look back at the front desk, but the mystery boy was gone. He was angry that he wasn't putting his full attention on Chan, but it was kind of awkward. He knew they were being watched, but he didn't know why. Maybe he'll come back by himself and investigate further.

"Hey Chan?" Jeongin desperately wanted to get out of his thoughts. "You want to find a book and read together like we used to?"

Chan nodded and reached his arms to the sky, his hoodie riding up to reveal his toned stomach. Jeongin started to laugh before he could stop himself, and Chan instantly pulled it back down.

"Sub-Standard attractiveness, huh?"

"What else am I going to do if I'm alone all day?"

They both laughed and started searching the many aisles for a book to read. When they reconvened, Chan had a romance novel, and Jeongin found a book on the history of national parks and protected forest land. Jeongin thought romance was too cheesy and unrealistic, while Chan thought Jeongin's book choices were always too serious. They would usually tease each other about their reading preferences, but today, they just enjoyed each other's company. After a long while of peaceful reading, Jeongin hesitantly asked a question.

"Do you want to go back to my place?"

"I would love that."

"Cool, let me know whenever you're ready for it."

Chan playfully looked over the top of his book and smiled. "You didn't mean tonight?"

"Well, yeah, tonight would be fine. I just didn't want to rush into things."

"I need you." Chan said quickly.

"I know, sweetheart."

They decided after a while to put their books down and leave the library hand in hand. They walked out to the street, the air with less smog than normal, and enjoyed the heavy gray clouds dusted with brush strokes of lavender and pink. Jeongin took one last look over his shoulder, and saw the door open. The tall brown-haired boy caught his stare, bowed his head ever so slightly, and then walked the opposite direction.

What could he want with Jeongin?