11/28 by uliaj06

thirteen

Flashback

Summer before sophomore year

Rowan Lane

Tate's dad had a business trip to Seattle, and it's summer so Tate invited me to come with them to Seattle for a week.

He invited four others too.

It's normal that his dad goes on business trips, they go all the time. I just never understood why Tate had to go almost every time he had one even when he was young. Tate said his dad thought it was "beneficial" so he'll have more experience.

I feel bad. His dad literally forces him to understand such a difficult job from such a young age.

He shouldn't have this much pressure put on him.

It's nighttime and we're now staying at this hotel.

We had the option to have our own hotel rooms.

Rich people.

No one chose that though, since nobody wanted to be alone in this place we didn't know. It would've been boring too. We all chose a person to share a room with.

I'm sharing one with Jocelyn.

Tate invited his friend group and Jocelyn is my closest friend out of the group. I wouldn't feel comfortable around anyone else alone other than Ana. She didn't want to come to Seattle though.

It's midnight and I can't sleep.

I don't know why since this is probably the comfiest bed I've ever laid in. It's literally perfect.

Rich people.

The room is really cold too and it feels amazing being wrapped under the heavy covers.

When I tell you that this bed is perfect, I mean perfect.

The blanket is heavy enough to keep you warm and has that comforting weight on you. The mattress feels like heaven. It's soft enough that it sinks you in, almost like it's hugging every part of you.

I love this hotel room. It's really big and spacious for no reason since there are literally only two people here. This room looks like it was meant for a family of five.

Jocelyn has long, wavy, light brown hair and has pale skin. She wears a lot of eyeliner and different clothing. Different as in, edgier and stuff I'd never think to wear. Clothing you don't see most people wearing around here. She really doesn't give two fucks about anything and that's what I love about her.

Jocelyn's really cool and fun. She's reckless and does stuff to get us in trouble every time we're together.

She literally almost got us arrested one time, but she threw a shoe at the police officer's head before he could actually catch us.

She has good aim.

I feel guilty about ordering food because technically his parents are paying for it.

She's taking advantage actually, buying all sorts of desserts so we could "taste test" them, and buying all kinds of food just because it's fun to have someone keep coming up here, and delivering something to us.

We've tried portions of pasta, sandwiches, ice cream, salads, chicken nuggets, donuts, muffins, cinnamon rolls, fries, smoothies, I can't remember.

We only asked for a small portion of it since we didn't want to waste food, and it turns out, they could do anything. We even tried to order one chicken nugget and they gave it to us.

Literally everything we could possibly want is right in our hands.

I called Tate to make sure he was ok with this and he just said he didn't care, and his father probably wouldn't even notice.

I think it's a queen sized bed I'm lying on. There are two, one for me, and another for Jocelyn right next to each other with a big tv in the front.

This hotel room has sections.

Sections.

One section is where we sleep, the bedroom. There's a literal living room too. It's insane. Also, a kitchen next to the small living room and it had two bathrooms. Two!

Like I said, it's way bigger than necessary. There are only two people in this room, and I know we don't need two bathrooms.

It's one a.m. I think, maybe two and I can't sleep.

Jocelyn is already passed out, sleeping on her side, her back facing me.

Probably from all the food she ate.

I decide to take a walk and go around the hotel. Maybe then I'll get tired.

The hotel itself is huge.

And we never really got to explore it yet since it's only our first night here. Might as well explore some parts now.

I slowly get out of bed, careful not to make too much noise so I don't wake her.

It's summer, but it's still really late at night so I put on a jacket. I wear jackets on the regular though, even when it's hot.

I try my best to be silent as I walk out of the bedroom and towards the door. I spot some pepper spray on the counter just before I got to the door. I grab it, and put it in the pocket of my jacket just in case.

Making it to the door, I carefully and slowly unlock it, not wanting to wake Jocelyn up.

I successfully make it out.

It's always so cold in hotels.

I take my time, staring and studying the hallway, and the different art it had up on its walls until I get to the elevator.

I press the button to go down the lobby as I stare at myself on the mirrors of the elevator walls.

The door opens to the lobby and I walk out, looking around to see if anyone's here. Luckily, there are two women at the front desk, both on their phones, one eating carrots.

"Hey sweetie, you need anything?" One of them calls out to me.

They're both of the darker skin tones, probably in their late 30's. They both seem super friendly and nice.

"No, thank you. I can't sleep so I'm walking around." I let them know.

"Well there's a gym, a game room, a restaurant but it's closed, and a pool outside." She suggests.

"Thanks." I smile lightly at her.

I explore the parts of the lobby, the different hallways and doors. I saw the closed restaurants and café, gift shops, vending machines.

I walk around some more to find the gym, but when I got there, I found that I needed my access key to get in and I didn't have it with me.

So instead I headed towards the pool.

When I got to the door that leads to the pool, I found that I needed the access key too.

I make my way back to the lobby to see if the people at the desk can maybe open it for me. If not, I can always just go back to the hotel room.

As I walk to where they were, I found that they were still on their phones, and the other is still eating carrots.

"Hi, I left my access key in my hotel room. Could you maybe open the door to the pool for me?" I ask them.

"Sure." She says kindly. She starts rummaging through her desk to find another white card. "Can I see your hotel card, it's just to make sure you're an actual resident." She reminds me.

I take the black card with their logo on it out of my pocket and hand it to her. She doesn't even take it to make sure, she just looks at it and hands me the white card, noting that it's enough proof for her.

"Give it back to me when you come back, ok?"

I nod, showing her that I heard.

When I walked outside, I notice that it's warmer here than in the hotel.

It's warm, but there's a cool breeze making it so it's not humid. It's pretty dark outside too, there weren't many lights.

I look at the view past the pool, admiring the trees and the buildings.

It hasn't been that long, but I'm starting to get tired.

I was looking at the buildings when suddenly I hear something from the pool water.

Panic courses through me when I hear a big splash. It was the sound of someone coming out of the water.

Well, there goes my sleep.

The sound came out of nowhere and I stumbled back, my hand automatically going down to grab my pepper spray. A figure falls at my sight a few meters away. His back turned towards me, and he was half submerged.

I start getting a little paranoid. I thought I was alone.

Shit I'm gonna get murdered tonight aren't I?

My hands are trembling as I held the pepper spray.

My heart is racing and I'm breathing heavily. I'm still in too much shock to cry. Fuck, I'm terrified.

He turns around, wide eyes stare back at me, surprised and annoyed at the same time. He was soaking wet and fully clothed. Well not fully clothed.

He had on a white t-shirt and his boxers. I automatically look around for his pants because surely he wouldn't have come here in just his boxers. As I presumed, they were at the far end of the pool.

His shirt glued to his skin, completely transparent and I watch him run his fingers through his dripping, wet hair, pushing it back from his face. I notice he's breathing heavily.

"Tate?" I questioned stunned. What the hell is he doing?

My heart rate slows down, and I relax. Thank god it isn't a random person.

"Rowan." He walks closer so that the water is up to his chest, and not his neck anymore. He crosses his arms over his chest. "What the fuck are you doing here?" He says in an irritated tone.

What the hell...

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm sort of in the middle of something, fuck off." He says in an annoyed, snarky drawl. But there's a tone, not quite boredom, but something like that, I can faintly hear. Exhaustion, maybe.

"Why are you in the water with your clothes on?" I asked confused. I start taking deeper breaths to try to regain myself since it's just Tate. Thank god.

"Privacy would be nice." He says in a fake tone, still short of breath.

I start to wonder.

He went into the water with his clothes on.

He's out of breath.

Things are bad with his family right now.

It's 2 am.

"Were you- Were you trying to drown yourself.." I say before I could stop myself. My stomach drops as soon as I said those words.

I start to worry, conclusions and assumptions already forming in my brain even though he hasn't answered yet.

"Kinda rude of you to interrupt." He mutters.

My heart sinks, and I feel as though I can't breathe. "Wait- you.. Tate.. were you actually.." I didn't think that's what he was actually doing..

The more I study him...

He looked exhausted.

Even in the dim.

His family's "work trips" are always hell for him. He hinted to me that he brought us for support in hopes that it'll make it easier for him, and maybe his father won't be as harsh if his friends were here.

"Now, I'd like to continue so if you don't mind, fuck off. Go back to your hotel room, and order all the fucking room service you'd like for all I care, just leave me alone." He snaps. His voice sounds quieter, weak even, making it hurt a lot more.

"What the hell? Are you insane?! You're trying to drown-"

"God, you're so dramatic."

"-yourself! Of course I would mind! I'm not just gonna leave you alone!!" I'm panicking. Panicking so much I can't even show it. I think it's mostly because I'm in shock and can't process what's happening.

"Fine. Don't leave, you can watch." He tries to grin at me, but it just comes off as an exhausted smile.

"Tate." I say more sternly. "You're insane. I'm not going to let you kill yourself. Get the fuck out of the water!" I scream at him.

"Make me."

I huff, looking at him in disbelief. Does he seriously want me to get in the water and pull him out?!

"Seriously?" I look at him to see if he's kidding.

He just looks at me with tired, red eyes, lifeless. He isn't going to get out.

"You are-" I take my jacket off. "Un.. believable." I mutter, taking my shoes off. I take my pajama pants off, luckily my shirt is long enough to cover me.

I walk over to the edge and hop in, not even hesitating since I needed to get him out. I need to.

Thank god there's a heater in here.

I make my way towards him, the water getting deeper and deeper the more steps I take. He's staring off in a daze, like he's not even here.

The closer I get to him, the deeper the water gets, and the more scared I become.

I can't fucking swim.

What are the odds we both die tonight. At least we'll die together..

The waters up to my chin and I can't walk any further.

But I am close enough that I take his hand, and slightly shook it to grab his attention. He's still in a daze.

"Tate." I pull harder at his hand, trying to break his daze and bring him back. Fuck, just- just come back... "I can't swim." I laugh but ended up choking.

That grabbed his attention.

Yay me.

He shakes his head and rolls his eyes. "You're pathetic."

He walks towards the end of the pool where the water's shallow, holding my hand to guide us.

When we get to the end of the pool, I sit at the steps. The water was warm and it was cold out there. I stayed in the water, my chest and below submerged. I'd rather stay here where it's warm.

Tate decides to join me in sitting on the steps.

"If you ever tell anyone about this, I will drown you." He threatens, as we both stare out at the view in front of us.

Only we aren't really staring at the view, we're staring at nothing. Just looking straight ahead in a daze.

"You wouldn't." I challenge him.

I know he won't.

He didn't respond and everything was quiet. We were filled with deafening silence, not fully comprehending what just happened. I don't know if I even want to comprehend it.

"C'mon, there's some towels over there." He points to the rack of towels by the door.

He gets up without waiting for me, and I just stared out at the view I'm front of me. I'm in shock.

What would've happened if I didn't come here sooner..

What did I just witness?

He tried to kill himself.

He tried to drown himself.

What if I wasn't here tonight? If he died, this would've been my fault. No. It wouldn't be. But I'd still blame myself. I'd blame myself every second of every day for the rest of my life if he died.

If I knew I could've done something.

I could've been with him tonight. I could've observed him more. I could've paid closer attention. I could've-

I felt a tap on my shoulder, breaking me from my thoughts. I turn and look up.

He had a towel wrapped around him, and he had his arm out, handing me a towel.

Grabbing the towel, I get out of the water, feeling a cold chill on my body, so I quickly wrap the towel around me to give me some warmth.

I shiver as I walk towards the chairs by the pool. I sit on one of them.

I see Tate following me, walking towards where I'm sitting.

I notice his appearance more now. There's more light in this area.

He's pale. Paler than usual. So, so pale..

His eyes are red, some parts around are tones of purples and blues.

His nose is a shade of red too.

His lips, crusted and blue. Maybe even purple. I can't tell.

His eyes look exhausted and numb.

Before I knew it, he was sitting next to me on the chair.

It's a large chair, it's the ones that people lay on when they're tanning or just laying down.

My heart's still racing, but my whole appearance looks numb.

It's like my mind is racing, thinking of everything yet nothing at once. It's racing yet it's blank.

I don't know how to process what just happened.

"Were you actually...?" I repeat.

"No." He answers, taking a deep breath. "It's a coping mechanism. Though, I wouldn't mind if it did happen."

"That's a shitty coping mechanism."

He laughs, making me smile.

I lean my head against his shoulder. "You can't leave me." I whisper.

I should be crying, but I think I'm in shock.

I can hear the sound of the trees rustling, the water getting blown by the wind, and cars in the distance passing by in the background yet, everything is silent. It's an overwhelming amount of silence that's deafening, yet comforting.

I hear his sniffle. "You're being dramatic."

His voice breaks my heart. It's weak, nothing like I've ever heard before. It's weak, exhausted, and tired.

"You have people who love you. You have friends who care about you so much." I remind him softly.

"You're my only one." He murmurs.

"Only what?"

"Friend."

"You have a lot of friends." I say confused.

"You're the only one I like."

"You need to find more friends then, Mr. Woods." I tease him lightly.

"I'm fine with just you.."