Questioning//BILLIE EILISH

26

I shakily navigate my phone to Mia's contact, ready to call her. Whenever I'm this afraid, I always call her, needing comfort and calm words to remind me that I am safe. I never felt comfortable asking my family for such help, and Mia was always there.

I stare at her contact, remembering the argument we had, and I begin to cry. I let out quiet sobs, not wanting to wake up my family, but too afraid to fall asleep. I stare at her contact, trying to wipe away my tears with the back of my hand, and wishing I could click the 'call' button without hostility coming through the speakers.

I think to call Billie. I'm so afraid of her, but I feel so safe with her. I wish she wasn't so darn pretty so I wasn't so nervous whenever I'm with her.

I slowly navigate to Billie's contact, unused. I've never called her, and our text conversation is blank. The name is simple, just, 'Billie'. I chew the inside of my cheek as my tears slow down, and I take a deep breath before clicking the 'call' button.

A couple rings pass by, and the tears begin to form again.

She's sleeping. You'll wake her up. She didn't kiss you, why would she want to talk to you?

"Dez? What's up?"

My breath hitches as I hear her voice, and I try to speak, but all the comes out is a sob, a loud one.

"Oh, sweetie. What's wrong? Are you okay?"

I take a few deep breaths, trying my hardest to calm my sobs.

"Yes, good job. Take some deep breaths for me. It's okay."

I take one last breath, now able to hold back my tears, "I- I- th-there's a mons-ster trying to get me."

My rational brain knows there isn't actually a monster, but I can't seem to convince myself otherwise.

"Oh, honey. Is that all? I can help you."

"A-and you didn't- you d-didn't k-k-k-," I let out a frustrated sob, "I'm sorry," I cry out, surely waking up my family now.

"Oh," Billie says lowly, "I'm gonna come over, okay? Is that okay?"

"Yes," I choke out.

"Okay," she pauses, "I'm going to hang up now so I can drive. I'll be right there. We're gonna have a little sleepover. Does that sound fun?"

"Mhm. Bye, bye."

"Bye, bye, Sweetheart. You're safe."

She hangs up, and my sobs slowly calm down as I continue to take more deep breaths.

"Dez?" My mom cracks the door open, "Are you okay?"

I sniffle, "Yes, Mom. Sorry for waking you up."

"What happened?"

"T-the movie," I chuckle awkwardly, "It freaked me out."

"Oh, I see. Do you want me to come in?"

"Sure."

My mom fully opens the door and she walks in, "I can sleep on the floor in here with you. Would that help?"