Questioning//BILLIE EILISH

18

We say our goodbyes, hugging for the gazillionth time. Billie leaves again and my mom enters the room with a curious look on her face.

"Did she find her phone?"

"Yeah."

My mom remains in my room for a moment and my heart rate picks up. I'm not sure what she meant when she told me not to be gay.

Would she be unaccepting? Would she be sympathetic?.. Both???

"Okay," she says awkwardly, dragging out the word, "I'm going to head to bed."

I fake a smile, "Goodnight, Mom."

"Goodnight."

She leaves and I let out a large sigh, finally deciding to go to bed as well. I shut my door and change into something comfier, heading to the bathroom to do my hygiene.

I find myself getting excited for tomorrow, when Billie will pick me up for school. I can't believe she's famous, and so talented.

I stalk her a bit more on my phone, watching a short interview before lying down to sleep. I imagine what could happen tomorrow with Billie as I drift off to sleep.

When I wake, I get out of bed quicker than usual, eager to see Billie. I quickly get dressed (in yet another skirt) and head downstairs to make breakfast. I have more time than usual before I leave, driving a much faster mode of transportation than walking, so I whip up an omelette and little sausages to eat.

As I eat my way through the food, I look at social media and like my acquaintances' posts, commenting encouraging things underneath. I then put in my ear buds and play one of Billie's interviews.

I don't want my parents to know about Billie's fame because she seemed to keep that private, and I'm willing to respect that. I keep my screen facing myself and gush at the girl in front of me.

Half-way through, I pause the video. I realize I'm learning more about Billie through interviews and other media more than I am just talking to her. There may be things she doesn't want me to know yet. That, and I don't want to form a fan-like obsession with my potential girlfriend.

One thing I did notice, she identifies as straight to the media. I am glad to have found that out, as I wouldn't want to accidentally out her.

I hear the doorbell ring and butterflies swarm inside of me.. the good kind. I quickly grab my bag and rush to the door, fixing my skirt before opening it.

"Woah," she laughs, then pauses, "Aww, you look so cute."

I blush heavily, "Oh my gosh, Billie."

She chuckles and steps out of the way so I can exit the doorway. She takes my elbow and leads me to the passenger side, opening the door for me.

"Thank you, Billie," I gush.

"Of course," she replies.

She gets in the driver's seat and I watch her hand dutifully wrap around the gear shift, almost drooling at the sight. Before I can be caught, I tear my gaze away and focus out the front windshield.

Billie drives us to school, and her car rumbles every time she steps on the gas. I slowly close my legs for some reason, and focus on less strange matters for the remaining duration of the ride.

When we arrive, Billie instructs me to stay, so she can open the door for me again. I thank her with a smile, and we walk into the school.

The day is pretty uneventful, I spend most of my time thinking about Billie, and we eat brunch and lunch together, talking about everything except our admissions from the night before.

It seems after that night, Billie became a bit softer with me, and more loving. She looks into my eyes with this attentiveness that sends me into a spiral of stutters and she holds my hand whenever it's free. It's sweet how we are: in this phase between 'just friends' and actually dating. It's fresh and exciting. She seems excited too.

When the end bell rings, Billie let's me know that she can't hang out at my place, but seems curious about my after school plans.

"I'll be at home all day," I shrug, "Mia and I haven't talked in a while, so I guess I'll take this chance to rest."

Billie seems satisfied, "Sounds like a nice day," she slides her hand in mine, "let's get you home then."

I blush at her mere existence and follow her lead to her car, "I love your car," I say absentmindedly.

Billie chuckles, "She gets me laid."

I laugh awkwardly along, not actually sure what 'gets me laid' means, but not willing to admit it. Billie helps me into the car, this time leaning over me to fasten my seatbelt.

Billie turns to look at me before leaning back out of the vehicle and smiling, tilting her head slightly. I blush as she admires me, and hold in a breath when she leans in to quickly kiss my cheek.

My face falls into my hands as Billie gets into her side of the car. It was a noticeable reaction, but Billie pays no mind, allowing me to recover.

I pick up my face, cheeks still red, but composure regained, and feel the cool air on my face. I honestly love how Billie and I are right now. It's full of shy glances and awkward touch; of blushed cheeks and contented smiles. I can't get enough of it, I can't imagine anything better.

I absentmindedly gaze at the passing cars until I feel an apprehensive hand crawl over my thigh. I quickly look down, but don't entertain Billie's action, keeping my body still, anticipation aching in my chest.

Billie flattens her hand around my thigh, and the urge to close my legs befalls me again. I'm not sure what it is, and I resist the urge in case Billie does. She seems to know everything, from my budding sexuality to what 'getting laid' means.

I feel so ignorant when she talks, but in the most wonderful way. I just want to hear words spill out of her mouth until there's nothing left but a measly drop, a secret maybe, resting on her tongue. I want to know that too, of course.

One day I will.

A/n:

Someone sit on my lap and do my makeup plzzzzz I'm so gay

ALSO BRO?? Who's Lesbian Shakespeare today? How did I write something so good just then like that took 10 minutes max.