Questioning//BILLIE EILISH

9

Billie squeezes my hand, "we?"

"Yes, we," I clarify, "I still wanna get to know you."

Billie looks at me for a moment before bending down and leaving a quick kiss on my cheek, "let's go then."

I am frozen in place, only staring straight ahead. My whole body tingled when she kissed me, and tingled all over again when I thought back to her lips on my cheek.

"Dez?" Billie asks, and I can hear the smirk in her voice.

I just blush and look to the ground as I lead us to the table.

As we approach campus, I let go of Billie's hand. The corners of my lips slightly turn down as we lose contact, but I don't want anyone getting any ideas.

When we make it to the table, Billie sits beside me instead of across, our shoulders are slightly touching and I can't stop thinking about it. That, and the fact that she literally just kissed my cheek.

Her lips were sooooo soft oh my god. I'm literally not okay. And the fact that she called me adorable!? What the actual fuck.

I replay the scene at the crosswalk over in my head a few times as I stare down at the table in front of me.

"What are you thinking about in that little head of yours?" Billie asks.

In that moment, a thought passes through my head. Not a coherent sentence, but really a feeling that means something. I can't describe it with words, but it was terrifying.

I remain in the same position, unresponsive to Billie. None of my thoughts are coherent sentences anymore. They are just jumbled feelings that I can't quite make sense of.

"Dez?"

I slowly look up to Billie, but when my eyes make contact with hers, I quickly look down, leaning into her shoulder to hide my face.

"Wanna talk about it?" she asks.

I shake my head as it rests on her shoulder and she hums softly, bringing her hand up to stroke my back as I take deep breaths. I push down my feelings and slowly sit up. I move a little bit away to encourage Billie to stop touching me, which she does.

"S-so, uhm, you- why, uh, how- sorry. Um, what do y-you like to do?" I didn't exactly stutter out of nervousness (well partly I suppose), but at my inability to gather my thoughts.

Billie picks up on the subject change and goes with it, "I love music and riding horses." She says it gently, almost as though her tone, if said too harshly, could shatter me to pieces.

"That's cool."

I find our awkwardness almost comedic in nature, as I can tell we both want the conversation to continue, but can't think of the words to do so.

It's cute.

"What do you like to do, Dez?"

My heart patters at the mention of me and I respond, "oh, well, I don't really have interests. I mean, I like making friends? That's it honestly."