| Oedipussy |

Scene 2

[Enter a bunch of bitch-ass old dudes, who are the Thee Hee elders or some shit]

Choir Bitch 1:

Hey Zeus, horny bitch, why the fuck are you sitting around not doing shit??? People are fuckin dying and what are you doing??? Having sex??? Cheating on your wife??? HA! Fuck you Zeus – you fucking suck

[Choir Bitch 1 is immediately struck by lightning]

Choir Bitch 2:

A-Ayo???? That bitch dead

Choir Bitch 3:

[lowers voice] Just stick to the fucking script, Donald.

Choir Bitch 2:

Fucking hell, man. Uh, anyways – Zeus, my man, my bro, my dude, my friend, my compandre, mon ami, more titles and shit, please come to Thee Hee and, like, end this shit. My heart is doin fuckin cartwheels rn, man – if I don't die from old age, the plague, my arthritis, starvation, or many other health risks I'd probably end up getting a heart attack. C'mon Zeus, my man, my bro, my dude, my friend, my buddy, my pal, child of golden Hope, my compadre, my friend, my dude, my comrade speak to me!

Choir Bitch 4:

AYO, ARTEMIS, I KNOW YOU'RE AT THE MALL SITTING ON A THRONE OR SOMETHING BUT WE ARE REALLY SCREWED, MAN. [brief pause] ALSO BRING YOUR SISTER ATHENA.

Choir Bitch 5:

[clears throat] Ahem. SHAWTY GOT THEM APPLE BOTTOM TUNICCC SANDALS WITH THE STRAPS

Choir Bitches 2 & 4:

[faintly] WITH THE STRAPSSSS

Choir Bitch 5:

THE WHOLE CITY-STATE LOOKIN AT HERRRRR SHE HIT THE MARBLE

Choir Bitches 2 & 4:

[faintly] SHE HIT THE MARB-

Choir Bitch 3:

WRONG FUCKING SONG, GUYS! PHOEBUS – YOUR LINE WAS ABOUT FUCKING PHOEBUS! GET YOUR GODDAMN SHIT TOGETHER, SUSAN!

Choir Bitch 5:

[muttering under breath] Geez, you don't have to be such a bitch about it... Didn't even get to the best part... Fuckin bitch... PHOEBUS, MAN, YOU HAVE FIRE AND SHIT!!! USE THAT FIRE!!! DO. SOME. SHIT.

Choir Bitch 3:

I swear to the fucking gods I hate all of you bitches. [aggressive inhale] O you three guardians against death, appear to me! If before now you have ever driven off a terrible plague such as this, defend our city and banish disaster from its borders!

Choir Bitch 4:

YEAHHHH – DO SOME SHIT!!!!

Choir Bitch 2:

You know this is getting pretty fucking long guys – can we just wrap this up?

Choir Bitch 4:

Yeah.

Choir Bitch 5:

Yeah.

Choir Bitch 1: [from the gates of the underworld]

Yeah.

Choir Bitch 3:

[sighing] Fine.