the gravity that holds me

41

Desperate Much?

too hard on myself
i seek from others
what i should provide for myself

too hard on myself
i seek love from you
when i should love myself

too hard on myself
i seek clarity from the path
while i should walk a clearer road

i wish you could see me now
wailing like a baby unable to speak
unable to comprehend
that i may not have what i wish

you call my love an obsession
how could you forget
you were once obsessed too?
i see no other in the shape of you
no one could replace
how in love i am with you

you see no one, is that right?
cherish me now, before i ruin my life
for you, with you, a thousand times over
i live for love, i shouldn't i know
but what are we in the world
if not alone?
what else should we seek
if not each other?

you and i have what can not be undone
tied by soul, two hearts cut from one
you'll learn to love me again
i know, but this ache in me sits
like an anchor chained to pain
gutting into self-worth
knifed into fear, screeching in my blood

maybe if this wasn't love,
i would leave with no remorse
maybe if you didn't love,
you would leave with no remorse

i sit and listen, laugh,
let my heart fission
into cellular shards of hurt

too hard on myself
i long for you to long for me
as you once did before

this change in you
my arms can embrace
but the thought of you
wanting anyone but me
sends me shredding on repeat
as if my love for you is nothing
i, am nothing

they say you know you love
when you let them go
i have, you see, i let go
but they never tell you
how you go back each time after

they don't teach you
to stop begging, aching for touch

they don't teach you
how to stop praying for them
when all you pray for is them