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Lavender Lies

after long summer days spent serving strangers saturated by the routine stint of shopping,bagging and tagging domestic lives in brown grocery bags,i walked in to the reeking smell of liquor lurking by the length of our rented apartment

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after long summer days
spent serving strangers saturated
by the routine stint of shopping,
bagging and tagging
domestic lives in brown grocery bags,
i walked in to the reeking
smell of liquor lurking
by the length of our rented apartment.

each night marred
by the stench of inebriant bile
over evening bleached sinks.
each morning impaled
by his acid-dipped words
and my tired out tears.
empty bottles piled
under the frame of our fawn wood bed.

on night-trips to the bathroom:
accidental spills stained carpets unwashed,
down wooden floors circled hollow glass,
and my tepid toes tread
the boarded floors like each
creak was a minefield waiting to erupt
into the angered fury
of the man who had my hand.

when he stopped drinking, i thought
loving a sober man would be easy.
but the uninvited scent of lavender
dances around me as i wash and clean.
"dinner?" "no."
pumpkin eaters never starve.
nights pass in quiet epiphany
as i lay on a bed of black dahlias,
the sheets scorched in flecks of fire,
charred from my indignant fists
clumping petals of infidelity.

but just as his disdain,
my anger buried itself somewhere
deep within the lacerated crevices
of my fickle heart, like a rabbit burrowing
from a hunter's sight.
the twinkle of a jewel
not privy to my touch, and
whispering signs from strands
of hair not my own on a bed i thought i owned
weren't lies, but truth.

there's hardly a toil for hide-and-seek.
my place, i've been put in it again.
but do you leave because
you hadn't been asked to stay,
or do you stay when you
haven't been asked to leave?
a forest burnt to ash,
smoke flushed after rain.


image: Kristin Mccoy, Lavender, www.kristinmccoy.com

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