If only } finnick odair

Chapter 13 ~it stings

I look at my hand that's severely burnt from the fire.

13 left. Almost halfway done. I pick up the knife I used to slit Owens throat and the knife he tried to kill me with.

There's blood on my knife that gets on my hands. I don't care.

I dump some snow on the fire and walk back to the cave processing everything that just happened.

My neck bleeds from Owens scratching. My hand burning from the fire. My whole body numb from the cold and the fact I was almost raped before my own death.

My legs fall weak from underneath me as I break out in a fit of sobs. The train of guilt finally hits me from killing all of those innocent people when I was almost just killed myself.

I think I deserved it. But I'm only doing these kills to save my life Sylvie's and Dariel's. Sylvie and Dariel.

They probably think I'm dead. I finally find the strength to get back up and continue walking.

I hear the sound of a parachute flying towards me. I stop for a minute and open it. There's a note with it that I pick up first.

You can do it. Keep going Pigeon. Love F.

A smile comes over my face. I look at the gift that was sent. It was a cream for my hand and neck. I look up and whisper thank you to Finnick.

Almost all of the careers are dead but one. How hard can it be to find him?

I make it back to the cave with the squirrel along with my note from Finnick and ointment for my wounds.

I hand Sylvie and Dariel the slightly overcooked squirrel. "Aren't you gonna eat?", Dariel asks. I shake my head no leaning up against the corner of the cave.

I begin to apply the ointment. "What's that?", Sylvie asks. "There was a fight. I won but got a little hurt. Finnick sent me this." Sylvie smirks, "Of course he did." "Are you okay?", Dariel asks.

I don't know the response to his question.

"I've been better but I'll be okay." Dariel hands me a part of his squirrel. "It's okay you eat it I'm not hungry." He nods and continues to eat.

The Panem anthem begins to play again. Sylvie crawls out to watch this time.

"Girl from one and two boy from 4 and the girl from 12." All were my kills.

I don't tell them that. They'll be scared of me. I wouldn't blame them. I'm scared of me.

I will say I probably put some relief over most of the arena for killing off almost all of the careers.

Camden wouldn't strike alone would he?

"Who all is still alive?", Dariel asks. "Us, one from 3 one from five, the two from seven, the boy from my district. All of nine. The boy from ten, and the girl from Dariel's district.", Sylvie replies.

"Should we hunt for them?" "No.", I say almost too quickly. "How many have you killed?", Sylvie asks.

This was it. The question I was dreading. I hesitate before answering.

"Everyone from today. And the two at the bloodbath." Somehow their eyes go more widen and they scoot back from me.

"I'm not gonna hurt you guys. I killed them out of defense. The girl from 12 was walking to our cave this morning. The rest were careers or attacked me first."

"The fight. How did it start?", Dariel asks.

"The boy from my district? When I was cooking the squirrel he tackled me to the ground. We fought for a good while. I ended up winning."

"You won't kill us right?", he asks. I shake my head, "No, not even if we're the final three." They relax thankfully. I don't want them to be afraid.

"At least all of your kills were self defense.", Sylvie perks up after a few minutes of silence. I nod fiddling with the necklace Finnick gave me.

"I know someone who would be proud.", she says motioning towards my necklace. "How did yo-" she winks. "I'm observant remember it was one of my skills." I laugh.

"I'll watch again tonight. I don't think I'll be able to sleep." They hesitate, but end up giving in and use my legs as pillows.

I take the note from the parachute Finnick gave me and read over it again and again. Sylvie said he would be proud of me. That felt good to know, but she didn't see the kills. I was there and I wasn't proud. Finnick seen them and I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't proud either.