tongue tied - jake kiszka

20.

I curled my toes up in the grass, looking down at the chipped blue nail polish. "You smell like sunscreen." Jake mused, bumping his shoulder against mine softly to get my attention. "You do too." I said, glancing over at him. He did- he smelled like sunscreen and water and sweat.

And it smelled good. Comforting almost.

"Your hair is still up." I pointed out when we got quiet again. "Yeah," He began, "I like it like this. But you've got to show me how to put those little clips in."

He touched one of the little hair clips I had put in my hair in an attempt to keep it tamed. I reached up and took one of them out, careful not to mess up my already messed up hair. Jake watched me, his face puzzled.

I scooped up the couple strands of hair in the front of his face that had escaped from his bun and clipped it back for him. It looked a little funny, but he didn't seem to mind as his lips twitched, threatening to break into a smile.

"Do I look as pretty as you now?"

"Hush." I said, pulling out another one of my clips to do the same on the other side of his head. I didn't think about my own hair that time, I was too focused on getting his fixed for him.

His eyes scanned over my face and I let myself do the same to him. With his hair out of his face, I could see all the details. His tanned skin, his high cheekbones, his brown eyes that didn't look so dark with the sun hitting them.

"What are you looking at?" He asked quietly, pulling me from my thoughts. I turned my head quickly, already feeling the heat in my cheeks. "Nothing."

"If I didn't know any better I'd think you were checking me out." I could hear the grin in his face and it frustrated me. "You were looking at me too." I retorted accusingly.

"Yeah but I actually was checking you out." He let out a goofy laugh after he said it, but I had already heard the nervousness in his tone. "What are you doing Jake?" I sighed. I didn't say it mean or bitchy. I just felt worn out.

"What do you mean?" He was playing dumb. He knew what I was asking. We'd been doing this back and forth since we met. "You know what I mean."

"You..." His voice faltered for a second and I could see the pink slowly rising to his cheeks again. He was flustered. "You interest me. You have since the day I met you."

Jake fiddled the strings on his swimming shorts, struggling to find his words. "No matter how hard you try to push me towards Dawn, I just-"

I waited for him to say something. Anything.

"I just keep getting pulled back to you."

"You know you can't." I murmured, suddenly feeling like I was at a loss for air. The sun felt hot. Too hot.

Jake snapped his eyes up to mine and I was surprised by the look in them. He wasn't staring longingly or needing. He looked tired. "You can tell me what to do with everything else, but you can't tell me how I'm supposed to feel about you."

He reached up for the clips in his hair, pulling them out hastily. Before I knew it, he was pushing them back into my palms, his warm fingers brushing against mine lightly.

"I'll play the part of your friend, but it'll never just be that. Not for me."

He stood up quickly, the few strands of hair falling back into his face as he did. "Dawn keeps looking over here. I should probably head back."

   "Okay." I managed to get out, unsure of if I should leave it at that or try to come up with something else to say. He was already making his way back to the water though, leaving me staring down at my chipped toe nail polish again.

   I interested him.

   I knew that though. He'd been open with his flirting since I'd met him, no matter how hard I tried to get him to stop. I guess deep down I kind of sort of liked it.

   I knew I couldn't though. Dawn liked him and she liked him a lot. I wasn't even sure what I felt about him. He was soft and kind and a little infuriating. Not my type at all. I didn't do boyfriends anyways. But there was something.

   No.

   I was just hot and hormonal and he had been confessing some sort of feelings to me. That was it. Him and I were friends and I was still Dawn's biggest advocate.

   That was my role to play and I was going to stick to it.