The Light In Her Eyes

Bitter Sweetness

This is crazy... What am I doing anymore?? I stood in the bathroom, hands in front of the sink. The mirror reflected my face, stained with makeup and tears.

I can't do this to Ky... I can't do this to myself. She doesn't know. She couldn't know... Ky would be heartbroken.

"Vivian, you alright in there?" Her soft knock echoed in the bathroom.

"I-I'm fine..." I sighed.

"Viv, you haven't spoke much since last night- What did Cody do to you?"

He made me feel like I was flying. "We... talked..."

I heard her shift her weight outside the door. She then sighed, and put her back against the door.

"What did you talk about? I can tell you're shaken up about it- I swear if he hurt you-!"

"Ky!! He didn't hurt me at all! I am actually quite happy right now it's just that... I have some stuff going on..."

"I'm worried about you Vivian... But I respect your space. Come downstairs in ten minutes for fruity waffles, okay?"

I didn't answer.

She sighed and walked away, probably towards the staircase.

"I don't want to hurt you... You don't understand." I said out loud, barely in a whisper. She couldn't hear me, but it didn't matter. You won't understand it Ky. You will be crushed and broken. I can't do that to you... I can't put you through this. I'm sorry.

AsI sat in the bathroom, I started to cry. The stress of friends, the worry of not going to school, the war against myself... I need to go to school. I can't just sit around here, living with my thoughts.

This could go badly, and Ky ends up crying, or I can put on a smile and everyone is happy. I sighed. A smile is my best bet.

"Coming Ky!" I yelled as I adjusted my face into a smile. If it was an awkward smile, I could say I took sleep pills so I would sleep better. Those always made her laugh... the way my emotions all tangled together. She said I seemed drunk.

"Oh good timing! Just putting on Cool Whip on the fruit-a-licious waffles!!

I laughed and sat at her table.

"No, we are sitting formally at the couch. We shall watch ALL THE NETFLIX! Squeee!!" She threw her arms in the air and spun around, sending Cool Whip off the spoon in her hand in all directions.

"Ky!!" I giggled.

"What? Ooof!" She laughed nervously. "You got a little... uhhh.." She pointed at my forehead and laughed. "You got some Cool Whip."

I took the napkin and wiped it off. Maybe this will be a good day.

~~~~~

We sat out in her backyard, the trees of the forest leaning over the clean picket fence. The freshly trimmed grass was bright green in the afternoon sun.

"What do you want to do today?" Ky was laying down, staring at the clouds.

"I... I don't know," I laughed, hoping I didn't sound depressing.

"You sure you're okay? You've been shaken up since last night with Cod-"

"I'm fine, really!" I replied, a little too quickly. She eyed me, curious.

"Alright, I believe you... I mean, why would you lie to me?"

Did she know?

"L-Lie to you? What do you mean?"