☆ trapped under ice ☆

☆ nine ☆

tw: mentions abuse.

allys pov. the same day.

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when i saw james he looked rough. his eyes were bloodshot. his hair was messy. he looked really tired.

i was standing in the doorframe. "oh shit...ally" he mumbled. i decided to let myself all the way into his bedroom.

i shut the door behind me and walked over to him. i sat next to him on the floor.

he looked at the ground and asked "cliff told you what happened?".

i nodded.

he said "i don't want you to think that i like vanessa or anything...she's a fucking bitch".

i looked over at james. my eyes filled with tears just remembering the situation.

i knew i had to forgive james because it wasn't his fault but also another part of me thought, if this happens again i don't know how i would cope.

just because he drinks himself senseless. so drunk he can't stop someone from kissing him.

im just worried that next time it might lead to more.
all these doubts filled my head as i sat there next to him, not saying a word.

he noticed the tears running down my cheeks and said "i hope you understand i wouldn't do that shit intentionally".

i wanted to believe him. i really did, but something just felt wrong.

maybe it's just because of my past exs.

i didn't know how to feel, but i definitely know i needed more time. acting on emotion i quickly stood up and walked out of his room.

hurriedly wiping my tears on the way. james confused, said "ally! wait!".

when i was just outside of his bedroom he grabbed my arm.

i cursed as his hand gripped some of my scars. i tried to non suspiciously get my arm out of his grip.

he noticed i was uncomfortable and let go. he looked down at his hands and said "ally you believe me right? you know i wouldn't do that".

unable to answer i tried to speak but it just came out as a stutter "j-james..".

i looked at him and someone in his eyes changed.

...he changed from looking tired and sad to full of rage.

he got closer to me and yelled "you honestly fucking think i did that!".

this was a side of james i had never seen. he was beyond angry.

i just covered my mouth with my hand trying to stop the sobs. he pushed me backwards. i was so unbelievably shocked he would even touch me in an agressive way.

i would do anything for this to stop. even lie. so i said "of course i don't think you purposely kissed another girl..".

his look still didn't change.

"good.." he spat.

i wiped my tears and said "i should get going".

he looked down at me and said "stay.".

i tried to reply "i should really go shannon is in the ca-".

he cut me off with that same angry look as he said "stay." again.

i nodded and he took me by the hand back into his room. we both layed on the bed, the whole time i was extremely uncomfortable in his presence.

this was not him at least not the him i knew.

after few minutes pasted and i gained enough confidence to say "shannon is in the car, i should get her home before her dad gets angry".

he rolled his eyes and said "whatever..".

i let out a sigh and slowly walked to the car.

on the way to the door kirk stopped me and said "you alright ally?".

i  remembered i probably had more mascara all down my face.

i looked at him and lied "yes".

he looked away knowing i was lying and he gave me a hug. Ai happily accepted the hug and blinked a lot trying to stop more tears from falling.

we eventually pulled out of the hug and said goodbye. i walked out of the front door and to the car. i saw shannon asleep in the seat.

i shook her side and she got a little scared but remembered where she was. she looked over at me and said "how'd it go?".

i nodded and lied "it was good". she thought nothing of it and we kept chatting. i dropped her off back at her dads house and said goodbye.

i slowly drove home trying to think about what just happened.

i can't leave him because what if he gets angry and does more than push me?

i was scared.

i made it home and walked into the house. i went into the kitchen and sat down at the table. i just sat there watching the window outside, watching the cars pass was something i liked to do which always helped me relax.

i didn't get much sleep that night. i mainly just laid down on the bed still trying to believe what just happened.

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