5SOS Preferences

Commitment Issues 2

Calum: He hadn't acted as awkward about the situation as you thought he would. Though he wasn't speaking to you anymore and although you were sure he was going to be angry with you, it turns out that Calum was happy with his new girlfriend, Amaya. You weren't jealous, you weren't angry; but you were incredibly confused. You thought that when you broke up with Calum, you wouldn't feel as shitty as you do, but you felt like there was an anchor in the pit of your stomach that was pulling your heart down with it. It felt as if you'd completely ruined something, and you weren't even sure what it was yourself. Had you ruined yourself by breaking up with Calum? You had issues that needed to be resolved, maybe you could've stayed with him and he could've helped you resolve them. Maybe if you hadn't been so selfish and stupid, you would be the one making Calum happy instead of Amaya. "Fuck," You mutter through gritted teeth as you crawl over to the other end of the couch and grab your phone, going through your contacts until you found that familiar number that had ignored your calls so many times before. You'd hoped tonight would be different and he would actually talk to you, you needed to clear things up with him more than you thought and it was killing you knowing that Calum wasn't speaking to you anymore. "(Y/N), I thought you got the message-" He answers and was already preparing to hang up, but you cut him off mid-sentence and take a huge breath, trying your hardest not to ruin it before you can even truly begin. "Calum, let me talk. Please, just give me five minutes to explain myself and then you can go." You whisper. There's a ruffling sound on his end of the phone before he lets out a breath. "Fine, you've got five minutes. Only because Amaya's gonna be back with our pizza in those five minutes." He says, but you're so glad that he's giving you the chance to speak that you didn't even mind he'd said it in a sassy tone because he was annoyed with you. "Calum, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I led you on and I'm sorry that I let us get into a relationship that I was ready for-" Calum cuts you off, "Yeah, why did you do that, (Y/N)? I really liked you, and then you went and did something like that. I tried my hardest to be understanding and thoughtful, I gave you space and I didn't push affection on you like a normal boyfriend would've done!" He shouts, and you can tell he's finally letting out the frustration he'd been feeling towards the situation out into the open. You take a deep breath and close your eyes, not knowing well how to reply to that, but you knew the answer. "I have commitment issues, Calum. I know the right thing would've been to let you help me through them, but I just couldn't. I've never been in a real relationship before you, and... I ruined it for myself." You blurt out, the tears warm and stinging your eyes as you grip the phone tighter in your hands. How could you have done this? You were both ruined and wrecked, but there was nothing you could do about it now. "I've gotta go, (Y/N)." Calum suddenly speaks. "I'll call you sometime later, okay? Bye." He says, and with that he hands up. Fuck, you ruined it even worse than before.

Michael: "You still talk to him?" Your best friend asks as you sit down at the diner table with her. You nod your head slowly and sigh, not feeling up for having the same conversation you'd had with people for the past three weeks. You and Michael weren't hooking up anymore, but you still talked and had friendly-ish conversations daily. Just because he'd insulted you and made you feel as if you weren't worth the time anymore didn't mean you had to be bitter and not talk to him over it. Of course, the first few days after he'd said that you didn't talk to him; but he showed up at your house and you ended up sleeping together again, and that sort of ruined the silent treatment for Michael. "(Y/N), that's bullshit! That boy has done nothing but hurt your feelings since the day you two agreed to do this stupid hooking up shit." She barks out, loud enough to where a couple at the next table could hear you. You sighed and shook your head, not realizing that you'd been the center of attention. "What's the big deal, anyway? So what if I wanna talk to Michael? We've been friends for too long to let some silly little thing like that get in the way." You speak, causing your best friend to laugh and shake her head at you, putting her fork down on the table as she covered her plate with her napkin. "What if it was me that said that to you? Would it be okay then?" She retorts. "Well, no-" You start to say, but she interrupts you yet again. "Just why not, (Y/N)? We've been friends for a while, too. Isn't it the same for you and Michael?" She asks, but she wasn't looking at the main part of the problem. You were way too attached to Michael to let him go that easily, regardless if he wanted you in the same way or not; where as she would apologize right after she said it. Why was Michael so different to you, though? He'd done nothing but treat you like shit, she was right, but you still wanted him to be part of your life for some odd reason. "Maybe I just need to talk to him about it." You say softly, and she nods her head slowly. "I'd call him." She whispers, and you nod your head as you excuse yourself out of the restaurant to go and call Michael. You stepped to the side of the building and held your phone tightly to your ear, the breath in your throat catching as he answered on the first ring. "Hello, (Y/N)!" He cheers happily. It makes you smile to think that Michael was happy and in a good mood, he deserved to be happy all the time. You shook your head of your thoughts and let out a sigh. "We need to talk." You spit out, and the other line goes silent for a moment. "About what?" Michael nervously asks. "What you said to me. Michael, that wasn't okay. It wasn't okay of me to take your apology by sleeping with you, either. What did you mean when you said that to me?" You rant out, a new found anger and confidence taking control over your mouth as the words just kept spewing out as if they were some sort of word vomit. Michael sighs on the other line of the phone and you know he's thinking hard about what he was about to say. "I can't be in a relationship with someone that wants a serious thing, and someone who knows what they're doing, (Y/N). You know what you're doing and you want something serious with emotions and such, and I don't want you to be let down because I can't return that." He explains thoroughly, your heart deflating inside of your chest. "Why can't you return that?" You whisper out, sliding down the side of the building and hugging your knees to your chest as you rest your chin on top of your knees. "I have commitment issues, (Y/N). That's why I didn't want to call us any form of a 'ship', because I knew I'd fuck it up. Are you happy now?" And with that, Michael hands up and you've finally got your clearance.