Love or Rainbows (Twenty-five Twenty-one Fanfic)

On This Side of the Rainbow

(In which Baek Yijin confronts his demons and acknowledges his drive for a long time has been Na Heedo)

Yijin woke up to the ticking of the metronome in his therapist's office. Dr. Jang had recommended hypnosis to help him sleep better and this was their first session. Trying not to be startled, he searched out of the corner of his eye, trying to find the table clock... 3:14pm. Well, he had to hand it to Dr Jang, he succeeded.

Yijin had the day off from work; he had rearranged his schedule to suit his doctor's recommended recovery plan for his PSTD. In the last three months since his break-up with Na Heedo, Yijin realized how much time he spent worrying about her. By his calculations, it summed up to 6hours a day. Then again, it could be way more than that.

He found himself wondering; hope she understands her mum a bit more now? Did she get to chat with Yurim often now that the fencers were on a break? Hope she didn't catch a summer cold? Did she have reason to turn on the tap upside down recently? These questions kept running around in his head.

Sunbae had asked him at dinner the other day; there have been so many changes in your life the last 5 years, you never went to therapy for it. Why now? Is it to be a better version of yourself? Or is this really about New York? Or because of her? Are you trying to get better because of her? Because you can't get better because of her without her...

Yijin caught himself; he said he will try to keep a handle on his thoughts. Later today, he was expected to take the news at 10 so he had to go into work by 7 in the evening at most. That meant he had to leave home by 6:30 but his mum will complain if he skipped dinner. Well, he could stay another hour here and go straight to work, but he will have to leave a message from a payphone because his mum was paranoid about handphones. He wondered if Heedo's message from that time was still saved; also had she left the sports village.... There he goes again.

Dr Jang for the life of him, did not bother to interrupt the young man's thoughts. From his diagnosis, he had realized that Yijin was clinically depressed; and the root cause was definitely not traceable to the trauma he had experienced it was more than that. Dr Jang watched as the young man sighed unconsciously once again; in the 15 minutes since he woke up, he had sighed 4 times.

From his experience, this was a relationship matter, and his young man was far from done with that relationship. He personally believed that he will get better if he spoke about it but Dr Jang was professional and knew to respect his client's privacy. What ever it was, he hoped things get better.