It always ends

thirty-four

As the days went by, she grew happier, I could tell. Smiling to myself with a shake of my head, I reminded myself to stay away. For real this time. Until I'd find a way to fix things.

This isn't where we end my love, I'm going to be right back.

As if by some miracle, it was as though she felt my gaze and looked over her shoulder. With that, I was gone.

I didn't let myself linger there any longer, as much as I wanted to. She would probably kill me herself. Not that I minded.

I leaned against my car, taking out a cigarette and lit it up, placing it between my lips and taking in a drag. A temporary escape from the new reality that I created. It killed me slowly and if I didn't get myself killed first, the pain, the heartache, and the longing would end me.

She got into her car, the pink one she's always dreamed of and sat with her thoughts for a few moments. If I listened closely, I could hear her sobs, calling me to save her. To hold her like I wanted.

But I made no move to help her, trapped by invisible hands dragging me back into a world void of her. "I'm sorry Harper." I whispered, hoping that was enough.

I knew what I signed up for when I agreed with Oscar's plan, I knew how that would effect her and how I wouldn't fucking like it but this, this was pure torture. She was falling apart and I was the one who did the breaking.

I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't handle any of this. Still, I got in my car and drove away from the only person I wanted to go back to.

If things were different, if I was different, this would all be some sick nightmare. But I was the demon of her past and every day, I woke up to a nightmare. And every day, she woke up in a world without me.

This wasn't how I imagined our lives to be. When we were kids, we dreamed of a future where it was her and I, running a bakery/bookshop. She'd spend her day baking away while I poured my heart out onto blank canvases, creating life.

Turns out, that never happened. Once again, I destroyed our world and she was the one that got away.

I glanced over to the passenger seat, dumbly thinking she'd be there. This was my life now and I had to live with it. I didn't want to.

My vision blurred, I swear a tear ran down my face.

I felt like I was dying. My chest tightened, my heart ached. My hands shook. Without her, I was nothing. There's a wound in my heart, a deep wound. I bled out and slowly, I wilted away like the roses she left on my gravestone.

I pulled up to Oscar's house and parked the car then sat there for a few moments, to gather my thoughts. A storm brewed in my mind. The clouds drew in, crowding my thoughts. And as if on cue, heavy rainfall poured down out there, while I was stuck in my own world, without her.

I can't do this.

I felt tears stream down my cheeks, my breathing became ragged. I felt her arms circle around me, her voice whispered sweet nothings in my ear while she held me as I cried. Suddenly invisible hands dragged me away from her.

None of this felt right, I should go back there, find her and finally be home again. But there I was, in my car, crying like a fucking idiot.

"Harper," I mumbled, fighting back a sob. Anger quickly replaced the ache in my chest and I completely gave up. "Fuck!" I yelled, tasting the bitterness of rage consuming me.

My father, his enemies, they were the reason Harper and I would never get our happy ending. They were the reason I had to hurt her, in order to keep her safe. They were the reason she spent her nights crying, wishing she wouldn't wake up, like I've been doing. They were the reason I couldn't hold her and take it all away.