"Hurt people, hurt people. But healed people, heal people. Don't and never expect love from people who can't even love themselves. Healing is difficult, but you know what else is difficult? Resentment and constantly blaming yourself for something you can't control,"
That's what my therapist said when I finally brought myself to open up about me, blaming myself for what happened to my family. If I don't only love someone as broken as Mikey, maybe nothing of this will happen. But then, my therapist also said that..
"It's not your fault that you tried loving someone broken anyway. You tried to heal and help them. It's not stupidity, Y/N, it means that you have a big heart and you give it your all. And not just because you give it to the wrong person doesn't make it stupid, it just show how much you are able to love someone, even if it means ruining and breaking yourself.
I heard that at first, you don't want to go under therapy since you're worry that the person you love will stay broken as you build yourself. You're so selfless and it does not make you weak. It makes you who you are today,"
Her words hit me so badly. I realized the things I did for Mikey and eventually surprised that my love for him was able to break and heal us in a different way. It's been years since I last saw him, I wonder what he is up to. I want to see him again but Hinata, Takemichi and Naoto won't allow me. Even after finishing my therapy, they did not allow me to look for and see him.
"Are you sure you're going to apply to that job?" Hinata asked me, she's the one taking care of me while I'm still healing.
I look at the paper once again, it's a flyer from a cafe that's looking for a waiter. The salary is good and my therapist said keeping myself busy will help me to take my mind off things.
"I think I'm ready, and I don't have things to do here except cleaning, cooking and other chores," I said. "I also need to help you financially,"
"I told you, you don't have to worry about the money, we're doing this as an payment for what happened to your father," Naoto said. "Care to fix my necktie for me?"
I rolled my eyes before fixing it for him. "Get going, leave the keys, I'll lock the door, I'm going to check this job," I gestured the flyer. They nod before leaving together.
I cleaned the house first before taking a bath and get myself ready. I wore a white polo and jeans, like the office attire. I smiled when I saw myself at the mirror. It's too formal but I look so professional. I fixed my polo before leaving.
"UHM.. EXCUSE me.. I'm here to apply for this job," I showed the flyer to the staff, working at the counter.
"Oh.. you're early," she said. "You can start now, you're hired," she offers her hand. I accepted and shook it, confused.
"Now..? As in right now?" I asked.
"Yes.. this cafe will have a lot of costumer later, I can't handle it alone, my other waiter is on leave, so.." with that I understand. "You can wear your apron, it's at the pantry,"
"Oh, thank you," I smiled.
"Can you start wiping the windows?" She said. I nod before doing what she said. I also wipe the tables and mop the floor. And like what she said, we will get a lot of costumer. My first day on my job will be exhausting.
MANJIRO SANO
I WATCH Y/N wipe the windows, standing feet away from her. I want to show myself, I'm afraid that I might trigger her trauma. I don't want to make her remember the things she wants to forget the most.
"You look like a creep,"
I did not bother to look back when I heard Takemichi's voice behind me. "Why aren't you with your girlfriend?"
"Why aren't you approaching her instead of standing here, looking and admiring her from afar?" He looked at Y/N.
"Then what? Make her remember the things happened? Nah, I'm good here," I said.
"She wants to see you," I look at him because of what he said. "She tried looking for you but Hinata asked his brother to stopped her from doing so,"
"Can't blame them" I shrugged my shoulders. "But will she be okay if she sees me?"
"It's been years, Mikey. The two of you have finally become the better versions of yourselves," he tapped my shoulders. "I guess it's time to cut the chase,"
I took a deep breath before walking towards the cafe. I did my best not to be obvious. I want to surprise her in a good way, not to give her panic attacks. I sat on the chair looking outside the cafe.
"Y/N, please ask his order," the staff called for her.
"Coming!" My heart almost jumped in joy when I heard her voice. She sounds so happy, it makes me scared. What if seeing me will make her sad again? "What's your oder sir—"
I knew it. Y/N stopped talking the moment she saw my face. I nervously look at her. I was expecting that she'll be scared and run away but I saw her.. with tears in her eyes.
"W-why are you crying?" I look around, thankfully, there are few costumers. But her crying, is enough to get their attentions. "Did you miss me that much?" I tried to sound cool before hugging her, tap her shoulders to calm her down. "It's okay,"
"What took you so long?"
"Huh?"
"Are you okay?"
"I'm trying to do okay," I answered. "How about you?"
"Still healing myself," she smiled. Then her smile faded when the staff call her. "I think I need to get back at work, let's talk later," she was about to leave but I stopped her.
"I only came here to thank you," I said. "Thank you for bringing out the best of me,"
Y/N smiled at me again, this one is the brightest smile she has gave to me.
"You're welcome, Mikey,"
--
:☽
