EAVESDROPPER

CHAPTER 1 (I LOVE BUSES)

It is funny, how the best place to source for topnotch gist is in the bus, well apart from when you sit close to someone with body odour and you find it difficult to breath, much more listen to other peoples conversations. Reminds me of a beautiful Monday morning in a bus going to school and I had to sit close to a man carrying meat in a stainless bowl, dripping cow’s  blood, jess, still haven’t being able to deduce why an extra-school bus would allow a man carrying meat that I can swear have stayed in the slaughter house for 3 days to sit with students going to classes in the morning red eyed and pained and then subject us, this time me, to such punishment, oga have I ever dealt wrongly or even rudely  with you before?. 
Anyways, it was one of these mad afternoons, the hot soon, everybody’s sweaty, thankfully nobody’s smelling or rather I haven’t met anyone smelling afternoon. I had to visit a friend who I would collect some novels from, I love to read especially when it is about love, I believe in love I promise, but after 2 years in the dating market , I have come to accept yours sincerely needs a break, Benin boys don too do me.
“Sapele, Sapele”
“2 chance, 2 chance”.
Which 2 chance conductor is it not only me and two other women that are in the bus, I didn’t say this out though, years of transporting in the popular 'tuketuke' red and yellow buses in Benin have taught me that, this is how things are done here. I had been in the bus for 5 minutes and nobody had entered apart from the two women I met in the bus before I entered, one was with a child of about three years who would not stop carrying that the conductor had to shout
“madam, abeg control your baby, the cry dey pain me for ear”. The heat is too much abeg, I would do the same if I was tied tightly to anyone’s back with no source of fresh air. The  mother had to lose the wrapper which the child was tied to her back with and release her.
“Sapele, Sapele”
“How much?”
“oga na 200 where you dey reach”
“high court”
“Oga, 200”
“No be 150, na 150 I get”
”boss fuel don cost, you no know how much be one liter, na diesel this motor dey use”
The man resigning from the argument entered the vehicle and said somethings under his breath,  I could hear words like “100, before, Nigeria spoil, Buhari, lower class, get to where” I could fixed these words into a sentence that would correspond with the sentence he made, I understood his pain seriously, I had a sentence of similar context in my head when I was told how much the trip would cost, I had taken a bus from this same park two weeks back to the same court and it was N100.
We were four already in the 10 sitter bus that would be accommodating 12 people, 13 if the baby counts.
“Iye don already know before”
“na you be tell her?”
”no oo, na when he come my house e take see iye , come introduce himself as my boyfriend”
“where una dey go?”
‘’KADA”
“na 200 oo”
“We know boss”.
This exchange was what happened between two female young adults and the conductor, they sat close to the lady with the crying baby(though she had stopped crying this time after her mother gave her a plastic can of iced pepsi that she could barely wrap her hands around), one wore a red, short and tiny hands gown, she was fair and from the redness of the face, I could tell and even you the non judgemental folks and ministers of minding thou business would not be able to say otherwise, that this fairness was birthed by the reigning organic creams of  the year, I did not say she bleached her skin mind you, just that the fairness she wears was forced out, that is what happens when you allow a cream do a year work of good food, healthy night rests under a working AC and applying a good cream for just three weeks. The other lady had an orange colour T-shirt and a jean trouser and had a short fringe wig on, from the look, it was quite expensive.
“so he be don come una house, meet your iye na em e still follow girl come your compound?”
“i just did not understand,he introduced himself as my boyfriend, ate the food iye gave him that day, iye even pray for am say e hustle go pay,he go live long, he gave iye money, I think 20k before he left that day”.
  In as much as I don’t eavesdrop  on other people’s conversation, okay, that’s a lie, I am always eavesdropping, where do you think I get my gist from?, this one I did not have to listen secretly, just listen was all I had to and who am I not to?.
Two other passengers entered the vehicle, and it was a girl and a boy, another guy took the front seat, and a lady joined immediately, a chubby, sweaty lady making a phone call, speaking Esian, she was holding a carton of fish, I pitied the fine dude that would ticked the TDH boxes, but I thanked God that it wasn’t me, It could have been me you know?.
We were 10 already inside the bus, as the the conductor was still outside shouting the “sapele road, sapele road, sapele road 200, two chance to go” anthem , taking a quick glance at him he was dragging a lady with the conductor of the other bus loading the same direction, he held her left hand the other held the right hand and her bag with his other hand. The lady had a tiny voice and was shouting “leave me alone, leave me alone I am not going”. they persisted and I pitied her, if you have stayed in this Benin for at least a month and you’ve had to take one of these buses, you would have been in that same position, irrespective of your gender, age and dressing. All you have to do to be a victim is to just be a passenger, most times not even a passenger but a passerby. If not for the mama selling Bole(roast plantain) beside the park, that struggled would have continued for a minute longer, she sent them curses and even hit one of them with a plantain peel and they let her be, I saw her eyes as she turned to walk off, there were tears filled and she looked embarrassed, who wouldn’t?.
“that day when I came back, iye was asking me if I was the side chick to Osahon,  e mi Becky, side chick, I asked her while she was asking me the question, na em she come narrate Osahon gist gimme o, she say Osahon no even greet her self, him and the girl just dey laugh enter room, she say them stay there for about an hour before Osawese come tie towel go baff.” it was the lady wearing the red gown sharing her experience and everyone in the bus was listening,I would bet 50 dollars on that, even the baby that was initially making sounds common amongst her age grade, sat on her mom’s lap and was quiet, the ladies  though saw nothing wrong with the environment or sensed anything was out of placed and continued.
“i no know wetin I wan even talk for the matter, I be like Osahon oo, I no know say e fit behave like that at all, you don talk to am since them”,
“the matter never end, when Iye tell me I no even know whether make I cry, I was about to leave to his house and talk to him sharp that evening, but Iye come hold say make I no go, I come go knock for Osawese room, but she no dey, that one na first Ashewo, she go don go Igbague junction go work”,
“you wan be follow her fight?, no be hustle she dey hustle”.
“na on top my man, she dey hustle”
“na Osahon you go blame, Osawese no know your boyfriend na”
“anyways, I waited for her, for about three hours, when she did not come back that night, I slept off, I no even bother to cry , just some kind thoughts occupied my mind”,
I was proud that a female has the sense to hold the guy responsible, unlike lots of my gender that I have met, they wouldn’t even let the thought that the guy has his own share of irresponsibility slip pass their mind, it is always if she no seduce am nothing for happen.
Wait a moment, when did the bus get filled, I did not know but conductor was already talking a seat at the “popularly called attachment”.
“iye come wake me the next morning around 8, I still dey sleep that time, she woke me up and asked me again if he was my boyfriend or we were just hanging out
i told her that I am the only girl he is dating, showed her the post he made about me that evening , I even remind her about the day he came to our house na, his friends dey call me my wife anytime I come around”,
“that one no matter, don’t you already how these guys behave?”.
I found their switch from English to pidgin very interesting, especially the way the English was spoken, one could easily tell these girls weren’t illiterate, and the Iye was surprising me, if I am correct, Iye is what the Benin people call grandma or a female much older than one’s mother, my grandma would not take it likely with me having a boyfriend, am I mad?, I would have to be dead first before a guy would come and introduce himself as my boyfriend, I don’t live with her, but the few times I have stayed at her place during the holidays has me understanding what I can and cannot do, you need to see the meeting she called because of a late night call I had received and it wasn’t even 11pm yet.
“iye come advice me make I go him house, dress well say na normal thing for guys to follow other women,as far as I am the main girlfriend and he is treating  me right there is no reason for me to be really angry with him”,
               “but your iye self, it was done in her present at least she shouldn’t have advised you to go back to him, she said he didn’t even greet her”.    
     Have I declared my love for the lady in orange?.
      “OGA TAKE AM EASY”,it was the lady with the baby and she was talking to the driver, the driver had taken a mad turn out of the the park and used one way, instead of going round so he enters the proper side of the road and had almost hit another bus coming, At least someone was watching,
“anyways, I come bath o, dress well, I wear that black gown wey I order online wey the back open, as the mumu that I am, I even carry food, na Iye cook the food gimme o, pepper soup with better goat meat something she wouldn’t cook for me even if I am dying, I sha took the food, I order taxify na go em house”,
     “getting to his hose na, his friends were around, two of them, you know that one that was toasting you when we had my birthday party at the club”
“yes, the one with gold hair”
”exactly, you no go know the other one, his name is Richie, they were like our wife, mad people I was even smiling self, so we enter room, I wanted to talk about the whole thing before anything oo, but you know Osahon, kissing don enter and we just do small something”.
  There was no shame on her face and at no point did she reduce her voice in this discussion, even I felt a bit embarrassed about the whole thing, for sake’s sake everyone was listening,
“so when we woke up, I asked him about coming to my house the other day, I was approaching everything calmly o, you know wetin this boy talk?”
“what did he say, I no go shock for any nonsense wey e release for e mouth”
“he said where my house dey”
“Ewoo, no be he dash your iye money”
“the thing weak me, I come tell am where my house dey, u needed to see his face”
Taking a break from listening, I looked at the road and noticed that we were close to the court, which is where I am suppose to take a stop, Ifeanyi would be waiting for me there, where are the hold-up and traffic jams where one needs it,
      “he did not think it wise to apologize, he said he forgot that I live in that place, when I come ask am say why e go forget he said, if I did not know that he is a man with many things on his mind and he simply cannot add one of his girls address to it”
“one of the girls, Jesus, Becky e open e mouth tell you that word, you no slap am”     “slap who, I no even think am, I say two of his friends dey living room, that one wey be Richie, if you see when he dey beat he babe you no go even think go that side, na me dem wan gather beat”
“I understand you sha, what happened afterwards?”,
“he told me that, I should understand all these things already, he even asked me why I was so mad at him, that the girl in question is just a one night thing and it was not as I was his main chick”    “Jesus, I need to slap that boy, no be two years una don dey date?”
        “ehen na , two months from now it would be two years, I always knew he was cheating na,I dey go him house steady and sometimes I go see condom sachet and stuffs like that but I no dey confront am, na normal thing for them to cheat, yahoo boys na” “which kind mumu normal thing, the boy na bastard abeg,
“if you have stayed long in this Benin you suppose know say loyalty no dey, it is just to occupy main position and flex life, love no dey the state, but what annoys me the most is that I thought I was being cheated on not knowing that na me them dey use take cheat, for almost two years Blessing” “this generation children”, it was the man sitting close to me, the same man that complained about the increase in fares and I couldn’t help but laugh, not loudly though, but I swear, if there was anything in my mouth at that moment, I would have splashed everything out, the man’s look was everything while he made this comment, he seemed so baffled that these stuff happens. As if on cue the little girl that has been silent since the gist started that I even forgot about her presence started crying.
             This was the break our story tellers needed as they stopped talking and glanced through the bus, I said a silent prayer at this moment that that ladies continues, for I might slap that baby not minding her cute face and  collect  Becky’s, number, yes her named had stuck, and I will chat her up so she tells me the full story,I hate nonsense.
             “as I was saying” and I couldn’t help it and I said “yes o, as you were saying”, I wasn’t loud but the lady with the baby heard me and laughed, she sat before me and I would have been surprised if she hadn’t heard, I had sat up earlier, and my face was four inches away from her neck all to listen to the ladies who sat beside her. Her child was quiet already and I sent her kisses from my heart immediately, she already had a discerning spirit at her age.
“he tell me make I no really vex, say e forget say na my house be that, that he thought it was one of the ladies he hung out with a long time ago, I did not even know how to feel, he was so unbothered ehn, I still no know how to cry for this whole issue”.
“omo, omo, omo, omo” I would be speechless too, so I forgive the lady on orange for her excessive use of the word omo.
“he even asked me if I no dey follow other guys too and then I felt stupid, na because of the mumu I no gree date your brother o, person wey beg me tire” “Na this one me no go put mouth, two of una matter no dey allow me talk put” “as he said this one, one kind spirit of anger enter my body, I curse am eh, he was not even bothered infact he was helping me look for my bra”, “I felt so used ehn, when I was about to leave he gave me 10k as transport” “you collect?”
“why not, I took the money, the foolish boys wey dey the palour don open the cooler dey chop the pepper soup wey dey inside, I collect the soup, pour am for that e chair wey e say na from italy e from come, carry my cooler dey go house, I no even hear wetin the mumu dey talk when I……..” “driver court oo”
When did we get to the court abeg, I immediately calculated how much was with me so I know if I had enough money to come back, I must hear this gist finish oo, and thankfully I had enough, the man coming down from the bus caused a pause to the story, we had to wait for about two minutes after he was out of the bus, the conductor and the man were going on about the payment and his change.
When he finally entered the bus, the driver questioned him about his focus.
“you no know say you suppose don collect money since Brosky, no dey dull me abeg, wetin you dey think wey make u no know wetin you suppose do”
“boss no vex ee, something just dey man mind” “abeg collect my money for me”
Nothing was on man’s mind, the gist has all of us losing focus, and some of us forgetting our direction.
“when I come reach house, Mama Esohe first see me, my eye dey red and everything, she come ask wetin sup, cause she knows Osahon, na front of her store he dey always drop me for junction, sometimes e dey even buy indomie and egg for her hand”
“That woman wey dey always comment about my nyash”, I did not look at it, making a note to remind myself about observing the ass, I continued listening.  “yes, that one, I told her everything, you know we are close and guess what she advised” “I will not be shocked with anything she says ”
“she said I for no talk to the boy about anything but continue till my birthday, so e fit throw like that party wey e throw last year before I do anything”
“mtchewwww, I am not shocked, but she said something interesting if you think about it”
“Exactly, I mean get my last package before I get out”
“money for front, money for back”, the conductor finally came back to senses, I thought they said guys don’t like gossip”.
Stretching out my hands to pay, I saw the KADA building upfront, they’ve not said the Iye’s take about the incident oo.
      “driver KADA oo”it was the lady on red, the narrator of the whole incident sending me a reminder that it was time to get back on the road, sadly.
“wetin your iye come talk about the whole thing” at this moment I blessed her,
“when she came back I told her everything, she did not even say much at first, just said something about me not being the main girl and how disappointed she is that I am not the main girl, that evening when she asked me about her pepper soup you needed to see swear wey she swear for Osahon, say e yahoo no go pay am, police go arrest and stuff like that, but that night she come still meet me when I wan sleep….. DRIVER STOP” “oo”I murmured, and it  was not only me that this sound came out from.
The ladies came down from the vehicle and I did my assignment, THAT ASS, I would throw a comment anytime I see if she was a close person too, her  tummy seemed so flat, just how?.
Coming out from the vehicle, the sun sent it’s greetings with a hot hug around me and it wasn’t welcoming at all, It did not stop me from thinking about how some people are privileged to experience events like this, I’ve had few break ups but none of them are because of such exciting occurrence, crossing the road so I take a bus back to the court, “shit”, ifeanyi will kill me, but downloading this gist to him will bring about forgiveness.