Breaking The Boundary | A Doah Story

Chapter 59

Dixie's POV: (A week or so after)

Rose was finally home, something we weren't expecting for a while. I'm still not sure why or what happened. Noah had been wrong, I guess I didn't expect that either. Charli was not back to normal. She's a good mom or at least tries to be. As her sister, I can tell there's something wrong, just by the way I look at her.

"Hey" Noah said, trying to bring my attention back towards him. "Are you okay?" He asked again. I looked up at him and smile. "Yeah, sorry. I'm fine." I said, smiling again. We were at my apartment; Charli was here with the baby too. She set up a little room for Rose, in the same room that my future baby might be in. Noah and I agreed to move before the baby was born.

Noah sat next to me on the bed, pulling me closer and getting rid of the distance between us. His legs were around me as I laid my back down on him. Noah began rubbing my shoulders, making me feel incredible. Pregnancy hurts. My head fell on his chest. He smiled; kissing my cheek and neck.

It was getting late and I was entirely too exhausted to stay awake. I feel asleep on Noah, only planning on shutting my eyes for a moment. He laid us down and held me in his arms.

(Dixie's therapy session):

I looked down at my hands and fingers that were all bloody and bandaged. Anxiety. During my episode, my mind drifts off like what it's doing now. Before I know it, my fingers look like a crime scene from picking at them. I hardly have any nails anymore because of how damaged it is. I just can't help it.

He looked over to me, noticing my habit, yet not saying anything. The "he" being my therapist, Johnathon. "Why do you think it's your fault?" He asked, looking at my hands. I tried to stop my movements, maybe so he'd think I wasn't crazy or that I was purposely hurting myself. I looked back up at him. His laptop was out, most likely taking notes on how I act.

The truth to his question is simple, although I didn't want to say it. When the people around you who are involved tell you it's your fault, you can't help but to agree with them. I sat on the couch, trying my best to not let my anxiety take over.

"I don't know." I said. Johnathon raised his eyebrow. He didn't believe me. It hurt too much to say the truth. I was brainwashed so bad by this guy, and I know he lied to me, I've always knew he lied to me, but I will never believe other people when they tell me that it isn't my fault.

A tear fell from my face when I thought about all that he did to me. I don't feel right in my own skin. I'm nineteen and a mom-to-be. It might not be by his kid but I still know that the fetus before this one was his. Noah doesn't know, Charli doesn't know, and I don't know if I'll ever tell Johnathon.

"Alright, then how about you tell me what you think about the whole thing overall. Do you feel like you deserved all of it?" He asked again, almost rephrasing the last question. I looked down again. I knew the answer, I did. It just hurt too much to say it out loud.

My courage wasn't here today. Around Noah, I can make a brave face, but here, I just feel like a turtle trapped in its shell. I spoke softly; barely audible. Johnathon asked me to speak up for him. "Yes." I blurted out without hesitation. My eyes grew open. I can't believe I just said that. Even Johnathon was surprised at my sudden outburst. "I'm sorry." I spoke again, sounding clearer.

"There's no need to apologize. Thank you for telling me." Johnathon said. I started to feel a little better now that I let some of the hurt out. "Do you want to talk about something else; like the pregnancy?" He asked. That was a hard subject too. But, I thought of Noah and I felt like I could handle talking about it.

"What do you think the gender will be?" He asked. "I'd love to have a boy." I said, thinking of my boyfriend again. "I'd be okay with a girl too, maybe a mini me." I said, smiling. He smiled back, knowing that the thought of a child brought me some joy.

We finished up the session, making me feel relieved. This was going to take a lot for me to get back to how I was. I'm just glad I finally got some help, I couldn't do it on my own.

Noah was waiting for me outside. He smiled at me and stepped out of his car to open the door for me. Noah kissed my temple before I went inside. "How'd it go?" He asked. I picked at my fingers again. "It went fine." I said bluntly. He put the car into drive and took off, back to my apartment.

I have work in about an hour. I started last week finally. Work for me is a distraction from reality. I wouldn't be able to do it for long, but it's worth it to try. I took a similar job to Noah. An internship for a nursing collage. I get to help with paperwork and I learn about some of the programs there.

Noah and I eventually got inside. We laid on the couch and talked a little bit. "So when do we get to go on our next date?" Noah asked, winking.