Matters of the Heart

Chapter 4

Waking up with an unbearable headache had become the norm lately. What with all the tequila she had been consuming every night, a headache was just the natural way for the body to scold you. What hadn't been the norm was feeling a warm body next to her. For a split second she felt like the happiest person in the world until the previous night came crashing in along with the sleepy grumble from her person. It was Cristina next to her, not Addison.

See tequila was great and all, numbing the pain at the moment, but the tolerance her body had built towards it always brought the memories right back. She remembered the teasing about clothes and the drinking. She remembered confessing her fantasies to the redhead and the pain it brought her. She remembered the tears in those beautiful jade eyes once she said she knew she had broken her. But most of all she remembered saying goodbye again.

Turning over to look at the ceiling she let the tears that had worked themselves to her eyes out. When Addison had said she was about to make it messy she hadn't been kidding. It hurt, everything hurt. The pain reminded her of when she woke up after almost dying. Breathing had been such a hassle with broken and bruised ribs. It felt like she could never get enough air but breathing in deeply was out of the question. This pain though, unlike that pain, had no end in sight.

Addison was leaving. She hadn't said it out right but she was and Meredith knew. She knew the days of seeing the redhead that brought her a sense of security, the one that had looked at her flaws and not given a care about any of them, the one who loved her like nobody else had, those days were coming to an end.

A whimper escaped her and she felt her person stir next to her. She wanted to stop. Wanted to be quiet. To stuff all of her pain deep down as she always did but try as she might she couldn't do it. She couldn't hide it right now. She couldn't put it away.

"Mer?" Cristina's voice heavy with sleep rang next to her.

"S-sorry." She hiccupped and heard her person sigh.

"Have absolutely no idea how you managed to hide that from me. You remember last night?" Cristina asked.

"If I remember correctly she told you not to remind me." Meredith muttered, wiping at her cheeks.

"Right." Cristina muttered back. "How long?"

"Long enough to hurt." Meredith chuckled sadly.

"Why?" Cristina asked and she knew what she was referring to already.

"Because I wanted it to be only mine." She simply replied.

"You ashamed of it? Of her?" Cristina questioned.

"I would never be ashamed of Addison." She snapped and sat up.

"Calm down. I just want to understand why you hid it." Cristina frowned.

"I just told you." She replied coldly.

"Fine." Cristina shrugged.

"Fine." She shrugged back.

"Are you going to keep crying? I don't do tears, Meredith." Cristina looked at her and she sent her a glare. "See that doesn't have the same effect if it does with a dry face." Her person continued and she only glared some more. "Fine..." Her person huffed, crossing her arms. "so , you ready to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about. She's leaving." Meredith felt her eyes sting some more.

"Why?" Cristina asked.

"Just because, Cristina. It's what's best. I don't know." She grumbled.

"That's a lie." Cristina replied, looking at her.