Where Two Sides Meet

"Oh my God"

Dear Diary,

I didn't rush out of bed when my alarm went off. Of course, I knew I was going to miss the bus but a part of me wanted to. But then again, my parents will have me walk to school instead and I don't like walking to school.

When I walked into Freeman High, nothing seemed different. At least I didn't think so.

People seemed to forget the incident yesterday because nobody was laughing at me as I walked down the halls.

I heard a voice behind me. "Hey, Felix!" Rowan walked toward me with his head down.

Dang, it! I was kind of hoping I wouldn't see him today. My shoulders tensed as he came over. Was he going to talk about that kiss? What if I say something wrong?

I could tell he was trying to act like everything is normal.

I quickly ask him what class he has. Luckily, he wasn't in mine and so I walked past him with my head down. But from underneath the hoodie, I gave a relieved sigh and smiled, thinking about Rowan's face.

Now don't get me wrong I like Rowan, but everything was just so awkward after that kiss. I want him to kiss me again but after the way I just ran away, I wouldn't be surprised if he never wanted to kiss me again.

I thought about telling my parents that I was gay, but why would I? They never need to know, they never need to find out. Rowan would be the only person to ever know but that was all I needed.

I'm... gay. I just can't seem to wrap my head around it. It felt so foreign, so... alien.

Ugh! Boys are so complicated! Am I this complicated? I thought about how confused Rowan must be.

The bell rings, I realize that I was just standing still in front of the classroom door. People were staring at me, I let out a nervous laugh and walked to the only open desk; It was at the very front of the classroom. This was going to be a long day.

It felt like a billion years before I walked out the school doors and the brightness of the sun almost blinded me.

I didn't feel like hanging out with Rowan. It wasn't because I was mad at him but I just felt like playing video games for the rest of the day.

About 2 hours later, my mom walked into the living room. "Felix, somebody is here to see you?" she sighed, looking at my video games, "Is it that boy you have been hanging out with lately?" she added.

I scoffed. I mean, I didn't mean to do it so harshly but I really didn't want to see Rowan right now. I just wanted to relax for once and do my homework or something.

Rowan stood at my doorstep, looking at his phone.

He looked up when I opened the door and shoved his phone in his back pocket. "Hey, Felix."

"Hi, you can come in," I say, tiredly.

"Ok boys, you can hang out at Felix's room." My mom said and left to go to her home office.

Rowan sat on my bed and sighed, "This is kind of awkward, isn't it?"

I sat on my bed next to him. "A little bit," I mumbled. He heard me but I didn't really care.

"Are we going to talk about that kiss?" He asked.

My jaw clenched, "If you want to, I guess."

Rowan started to fidget with his fingers and his breath was a bit shaky, "Ok well, I'm very sorry that I kissed you. I know I shouldn't have but something got over me and I couldn't help it..."

He continued talking and apologizing but I got lost in his eyes and the way they were shining at me. It's like his words were drifting away.

"...and I know you are mad at me and I am sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you but-"

I have no idea but a sudden rush of adrenaline shivered through my body. I cut him off and pulled Rowan in toward me and kissed him.

It was the best kiss ever. But of course, SOMEBODY had to interrupt...

"Boys! I have some cookies for you guys!" My mom opened the bedroom door. "Oh my god!" she exclaimed as she saw me and Rowan kissing. She dropped the plate of cookies and it landed on the ground with a clatter.