The Long Road to Recovery

Chapter One:

The first thing I felt this morning was a deep aching my leg. I know why. Yesterday at school I was able to escape class by going to the "bathroom." I was able to go into a abandoned closet, where I was able to do exercises for at least 20 minutes. The teacher was too preoccupied to notice me walk back in. I'll keep that back in my mind next week. But it's the weekend, unfortunately. And I usually can't do practically shit these days without someone watching me wipe my ass. 

I felt my brothers light touch brisk over my shoulder to wake me up. He is now so gentle around me. Not at all like when were kids. I don't even think he likes me. Whatever. He's the one who doesn't even want to do anything to do with me nowadays. Doesn't matter. What does matter is the new exchange program that's coming up. I know that my parents would obviously tell the parents who were responsible with taking me in that I have an 'eating disorder,' but the thing is they don't know all the things I know. My parents do. I can barely even do shit anymore. They won't be so clingily. I'll be able to do what the fuck I want. And that's why I'm so excited. I live in the United States, by the way. A city near the ocean. Never close enough to walk there though, so I've never been one of those 'surfer boys' so many girls cherish. 

Where my exchange program takes place is Norway. I know, I know Norway. You were probably expecting some French town or Germen one. But my school is weird like that, I guess. I've been trying to learn at least a little bit of Norwegian but it's ending up to be a total flop.  I heard those people know pretty good English, anyway. No need to worry that much. I just need to focus on trying to not become to fat until then. Which is pretty hard to do when my family is so messed up with it all. 

Speaking of, I hear my brother start changing, and I open my eyes tiredly. I was always tired nowadays. And if you're wondering me and my brother now sleep in the same bedroom. (Not in that way your creeps.) My parents wanted someone to sleep with me because I did too many 'exercises' at night. One night, my mom walked in on me doing sit ups in my bed, which really isn't that bad. Ever since then I've been sleeping with my wonderful brother. 

Very glorious. 

I get up as well, and pull on a gray sweater with some jeans. I walk downstairs, and wearily brace myself with breakfast. I scan over the food and grimace. Of course it was pancakes. It could never be someone plain or anything. They wanted me to 'challenge myself.' Fuckers. 

I sit down, and decide to not fight it this time. I was too tired for the same bullshit of finishing my meal. Especially sense on the weekends I can't say 'I'll be late to school' when I refuse to eat little to nothing. That's why I especially hate weekends. Not freedom, no nothing. Can't even go on the internet with someone watching me. 

I pick up my fork and reluctantly start eating. The syrup makes me gag a bit, and I try to shove it down my throat. After half an hour I've finished. I quietly get up and walk over to the living room to watch anything. Every time I finish a meal I have to be watched. They, again, learned this the hard way. My dad falls into the familiar recliner, and I grab the remote control slightly agitated. I decide on a show that I've heard recently called Pitch Perfect. It immediately starts, and the buillshity musical plot begins. I broadly watch the screen flash with its colors.  Then a girl gets on the screen. She's so large. (Btw I don't enforce or mean any of the things I'm writing. I'm just writing this from the person's perspective. Nothing I'm saying is truthful or inflicting on how I think of people who are plus size or anything of the sort.) It's disgusting. She's everything I don't want to be. She's so loud too. Why isn't she embarrassed? I watch in a trance, amazed by the girls attitude. So confident, so cocky. How? How could she live like that? I hear my mind give so many disgusting comments on her, and while the show progresses, all I can think about was that. I couldn't become that way. I would not. I absolutely refuse to. When the show ends, I am still thinking about it. 

The way she looked, and the way I looked. I felt pretty good to be honest. I felt really good about myself. I then decided to absolutely refuse to eat lunch. What were they going to do if I don't? They should know by now that I just don't care. 

By this point, nothing made me satisied but thinking about this. I don't really care though. It's a very important subject. It's all about what you're like, what you look like to other people. What they thought about you. I kept sitting on that couch, sitting. I wasn't going to eat lunch. I couldn't get fat like that. I would never. 

And that was that. 

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{913 words} 

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