End Of Passion Play - {James Hetfield/Metallica}

Chapter 27 | Weakened, Blackened, and Breathless

Me and Blair drove off into the rainy spring night, headed to Lars' place for a jam session. It had been days since Sarah's dad died, and she still wasn't ready to leave the house, but I respected that.

"Y'know what my favorite song right now is?" Blair asked me, looking out the window as we drove down the hill that met up with the highway.

"No, I don't. What is it?" I asked.

"Fade to Black.".

I glanced at her, concerned. She was only twelve; did she really feel suicidal?

"Hey, hun, are you worried about mom?" I asked her.

"Mhm." she replied, still looking out the window. "I have a gut feeling like something really bad is gonna happen.".

My heart skipped a beat as I remembered my last night with Cliff. That was one of the things he'd said to me after the gig. I'd just passed it off as him worrying or being anxious at the time, though.

All I could do was hope that Blair wasn't right. But, somehow, I felt like maybe she was.

When we got to Lars' house, him amd Kirk were a little surprised to see Blair with me.

"Where's Sarah tonight?" Lars asked.

"Well," I sighed, setting my amp down on the basement floor. "Her dad died.".

"Oh no…" Lars gasped.

"Fuck, oh god, I'm so sorry you guys." Kirk said. He pulled me and Blair in for a hug. "How's Sarah holding up?".

I looked down at the floor as Kirk released us. "She's… not doing well." I said.

"She hasn't left the house once." Blair added.

Kirk nodded, pacing back and forth. "Yeah, I'm not surprised. She was really close to her dad, wasn't she?".

I nodded, sitting on the couch and tuning my guitar. "Yup.".

"Would it be alright of I came with you tow after to check on her?".

"Uh, yep, that would be fine." I replied, tuning my high E string and hoping it wouldn't snap. It was almost high enough when it popped off the fretboard. "FUCK!".

"String snapped?" Lars asked.

"Yes." I sighed, rolling my eyes.

***

It was quarter to eleven when we came up the street, a sliver of the moon shining brightly in the night sky. It seemed like a normal night. But as we got closer, I noticed something weird with Sarah's car.

There was some sort of hose hooked up to the exhaust pipe at the back, coming in through the window. The windows were sealed off somehow, too. And Sarah was in the front seat.

"Dad, what's mom doing?" Blair asked me as I parked in front of the house.

I didn't answer; I hopped out of the truck and ran up the driveway. The car was running.

I pulled on the door handles, but all of them were locked. I knocked on the window, but Sarah was unconscious. Her face was pale, her eyes were shut, her plump lips were slightly parted, and her body looked limp and lifeless.

"Is she dead?!" Kirk asked, peering into the window.

"I don't know!" I replied.

"What's happening?!" Blair asked, on the verge of a breakdown.

"Blair, go inside and get the car keys! Quick!" I instructed her. She dashed up the walkway and into the house.

I tapped on the window again, but it was useless.

"I should've married her." I said, tears forming in my eyes.

Blair came running back, the keys jingling on her hands. She handed them to me and I unlocked the door.

I shut off the car and took Sarah into my arms, looking down at her lifeless face.

"Oh, babe." I sighed, stroking the side of her cold face.

"Is she dead?" Blair asked me.

"I… I don't know. I… also don't know CPR.".

"Oh, I do!" Kirk told me. "I can do it if you want.". I looked down at Sarah, and then back at Kirk.

"Okay." I nodded, gently setting her down on the grass.

Kirk got onto his knees beside her and tilted her chin up, then breathed into her mouth. I felt Blair grab my hand as we both watched, hoping that Sarah wasn't gone forever.

Kirk was working hard to keep her alive, panting heavily as he gave her chest compressions.

I should've asked her to marry me… I'm such a fucking coward. I told myself. Maybe she wouldn't've done this if I had asked her. Now I may never get the chance.

"Dad?" Blair whispered. "How will we know when she dies?".

My heart was thumping rapidly in my chest. I really didn't think Sarah was going to survive.

"Kirk…" she moaned. "What the fuck…".

Kirk's eyes lit up. "Sarah!" he exclaimed.

Sarah's p.o.v

"Oh, mom, you're okay!" I heard Blair shout.

I sat up, on the grass beside Kirk, not knowing what happened. "What?" I asked.

James kneeled beside me. "Babe, you're okay!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms around me.

"I… I didn't want… to be okay." I replied, hugging him back not because I was happy, but because I loved him.

"We thought we were gonna lose you!".

"That was the idea.".

James grabbed my hands and stared deeply into my eyes. "I love you." he sighed. "I'd miss you so much if you died.".

Kirk placed his hand on my shoulder. "I'd miss you, too." he told me.

"Me too." Blair said, sounding like she was close to tears.

"I'm a selfish fuck who doesn't deserve to live." I stated, wishing my suicide had worked. "I'm a mess, and I'm way too good at ruining stuff, including myself.".

I curled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on my knees, rocking back and forth.

"I wish you could see how truly amazing you are." Kirk told me, letting out a long sigh.

"I'm not. I'm a… I don't even know what I am anymore.".

James picked me up and took me into the house, Blair and Kirk following behind him. He took me into the bedroom and let me out of his arms.

I stood in front of him, not moving, like a fucking sex doll. He kissed my forehead, then slid my jeans off of my legs. I put my arms up and let him slide my shirt off, and unclasp my bra.

He put my nightgown over my head and I slid it over my body.

Sighing deeply, he picked me up and set me down on the bed. "You are loved." he told me, pulling the covers over me.

"So are you, James. Especially by me." I replied.

"I'll be with you in a bit. I've gotta make sure Kirk gets a taxi, though, first.". He slipped out the door, smiling at me before he went down the hallway again.

I don't deserve James. I thought. I don't deserve life.