A North Carolina Autumn

Chapter 6

My mother and Brad talk quietly a few chairs away, but I don't try to listen. They were good about including me on the important things, so I wasn't worried.

Finally, after what feels like another hour, Jay reappears with Rylie's new doctor by his side. I uncurl myself from my chair and stand along with Brad and my mom.

"Aspen, would you like to go see her?" Jay asks, and I nod eagerly. The other doctor leads me down the hallway and into her room before leaving me.

I was finally alone with Rylie for the first time in what felt like weeks. It's less of a shock to see her this time, although still painful. I slide into the chair to her left, instantly slipping my fingers between hers.

Machines beep quietly on the other side of the bed, and my eyes follow the endless cords, trying to find where they end. Some are connected to Rylie, but not as many as I would've expected.

Rylie's face is calm, making it look like she's only sleeping. Like she could wake up at any moment. The bandage around her head had been replaced, and the new one looked smaller.

That's good, right?

She still wasn't breathing on her own, so a ventilator mask still covered her nose and mouth, breathing for her.

"Rylie..." I start, but a wave of emotion suddenly hits me, and my voice breaks. "I miss you." Tears begin falling, but I don't bother with brushing them away. "It's only been a little over a day since... since I saw you on the pier, but it feels like weeks have gone by." Soon, my pent up guilt begins flowing out, in time with the tears.

"I'm so sorry, Ry. If I hadn't let you go, if I had given you an answer right then, maybe this wouldn't have happened? I shouldn't have let you walk away. I'm so sorry." I sob, clinging to her hand.

"I would have said yes. I don't care how you ask, I would say yes no matter what. And..." I pause, finally wiping the tears from my eyes. "I was actually going to ask you." A small, watery laugh slips from my mouth, and it feels really good. "I was worried you would think it was too soon, but I was going to do it anyway. I just wanted you to know that I was planning on loving you forever."

Maybe, if I had been focusing on her hand in mine, I would've felt the slight, almost nonexistent movement in her fingers. But the movement is too small, too quick, and I don't notice it. Instead, I continue on, feeling some comfort as I let out the words I'd bottled up.

"They don't know why you can't wake up. They don't know if you will wake up. Hell, I don't even know if you can hear me, but if you can, please wake up. I need you, Ry. Please come back to me."

This time, I do notice the movement. My eyes snap to our joined hands, and I wonder if I imagined it.

Did she move? Or was it just a random twitch?

Before I have time to think about it more, the door opens and Jay and Rylie's doctor walk in. Their faces push the rest of the thought completely from my mind.

"What is it?" I ask in a small voice. Jay senses my fear and hurries to explain.

"Nothing is wrong, don't worry. It's just time to go. We're going to runs some more tests tomorrow to check out the brain function, but nothing is looking any worse, okay?"

"It's not looking any better either though, is it?" Jay's eyes meet mine, and he pulls his lips into a tight line before shaking his head.

"No. But we'll figure this out, okay?"

I swallow hard before nodding. "Okay. Thank you." I stand to gently kiss Rylie's forehead before releasing her hand and following Jay out the door. My mother and Jay follow me back to my apartment, and we say a quick goodnight before disappearing to our separate rooms. Normally, I would be grossed out at the thought of my mother and Jay sharing a bed... but I didn't have the mental energy to focus on that. Or any energy, actually. I was exhausted.

I quickly throw on some pajamas but freeze when I see the bag on the bed. The one I'd intentionally left alone, because of its contents. I grab the bag, intending to set it on the small chair in the corner of the room, but without my permission, my fingers unzip the zipper before pulling out the teddy bear.

"Oh..." The moment the word slips from my mouth, I break. I climb beneath the covers and roll over to Rylie's side, resting my head on her pillow as the tears flow from my eyes.

I clutch the bear against my chest and burry my nose in it's fur, only feeling my heart threaten to break even more as Rylie's smell tickles my senses.

How is this fair? Why did this happen to Rylie?

"Please," I plead with whoever is listening. "Please don't take her from me. I need her."

I don't know how long my cries continue before I finally, mercifully slip into a restless, dreamless sleep.