A North Carolina Autumn

Holding on to Hope

3.15.2022

This had to be a dream. Something like this couldn't happen to Rylie. My Rylie. The sweetest girl in the entire world, the love of my life. Even though nearly an hour had passed, things still felt unreal. My mind didn't want to accept that this was reality.

As Jeremy holds me tightly in his arms, my sobs slowly fade away, but the tears continue to fall. I wonder how I have so many tears in my body. "I didn't get to tell her yes." My voice breaks. "She doesn't know that the only thing I want in this world is to marry her. I only want her." I cry. My heart hurts, tightening as though being crushed by a fist.

"Shh..." Jeremy says into my hair. "She does know that. And you'll be able to tell her when she wakes up." His voice is soft, soothing, but it does nothing to soothe the pain in my heart.

"If she wakes up." Another voice says. I can't even argue with it, because it's what we're all thinking.

"Josh, really?" Alyssa says in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just... it looked really bad." Josh explains apologetically, and I can hear the sadness in his voice.. The other Salty Christians are gathered close together in the waiting room, holding tightly to each other as we wait for news on Rylie. News that we're not sure will be good or bad.

"Do her parents know?" Austin asks quietly from beside me. He and Jeremy hadn't left my side once in the hour that we'd been at the hospital, and I was thankful.

"I called her dad on the way over. He should be here soon. I assume he called her mom, so she'll hopefully be here soon, too." Jeremy pauses for a moment. "I called your mom too, Aspen. I hope that's okay. She said she'll be here as soon as she can."

"Thank you, Jer." I reply before removing myself from his arms in order to grab a tissue and clean up a little bit. I keep the tissue box close by since the tears don't seem to want to stop.

"Did someone grab her stuff from the beach?" I ask, suddenly remembering her bag.

"I did." Sydnee says before passing Rylie's dark blue backpack to me. I take it gently and clutch it to my chest as a fresh wave of emotions hits me. Without hesitating, I grip the zipper between my fingers, slowly pulling it down until the backpack opens, revealing the contents. It's not much, just a towel, sunglasses, sunscreen, and her mint Chapstick. I pull the Chapstick out and hold it tightly in my fist. Even though it may not be much, it's Rylie's.

"Thank you." I tell Sydnee, and she gives me a small smile.

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The minutes seem to drag by for the next 30 minutes until finally, Rylie's dad arrives. He's wearing green swim trunks and a T-shirt, combined with tennis shoes that look like they were tied in a hurry. He was a surf instructor, and I figure that's where he's coming from. Brad's blue eyes are wide and rimmed with red, but the moment they land on mine, a small amount of relief flashes through them. He crosses the rest of the room in three big steps before pulling me into his arms.

"Are you okay?" He asks, pulling back to study my eyes. I can only shake my head, but he understands. "Yeah, me neither."

He pulls a chair into our little circle, and I sit back in mine before pulling my knees up to my chest. "Is there any news?" Brad asks in a shaky voice.

Jeremy is the one to answer. "No. A nurse came out a while ago and said she still wasn't breathing on her own, and they couldn't get her body temp back up."

"How long was she..." Brad stops, unable to ask the question.

How long was she gone for. I finish his question in my head, hating the way it sounds.