I don't want to feel better

Idek whats happening anymore im just crying

I took a deep breath and grabbed onto the wrist of the person infront of me. I still couldn't make out who was who but there was only two people so it has to only be Tubbo and Ranboo. Within a minute or two my senses came back to me as I sat on my bed being hugged. Tubbo was the one still holding my wrists apart from each other as Ranboo puts more bandages on the cuts I reopened and the small ones on my neck.

"What time is it..?" I asked after a bit.

"It's 4 am right now but this all started around 3." Ranboo replied and gave me a hug.

"Sorry for waking you guys up." I say and yawn.

"It's okay Tommy, just lay back down and get some rest. It'll be alright." Tubbo laid down next to me and Ranboo turned the lights back off. I took a deep breath as I laid in bed. I'm not going back to sleep. That was too scary.

I was so scared.

It felt like I was dying. Im so tired but I don't want to sleep. What if that happens again? What if I can't breathe The next time? What if they kick me out? I pulled out my phone after a bit of struggle working around Tubbo but I eventually was able to listen to music.

I closed my eyes with no intent of actually drifting off to sleep. I let the shivers of cold then hot run through my body while I was still recovering from panic. Tubbo held me close to him while he rested.

"Tommy go to sleep." Ranboo whispered to me from his mattress on the floor.

"You're not my mom, I do what I want." I whispered back.

"Just get some sleep man. It's late." Ranboo said and rolled over so he was no longer facing me.

"Whatever." I closed my eyes and listened to my music wishing I could just disappear. I was so tired but I couldn't risk falling asleep.

Maybe I should text someone to talk. To keep me awake. I opened my phone and went to my text messages. Who is probably up right now? Umm definitely not George, or sapnap. Maybe Karl, Karl always stays up late and wakes up early. It was about 5 am at this point so I think it'll be fine.

Me
Hey Karl, you awake?
(Read 5:03 am)

Karl
Yeah, do you need something? It's pretty early.

Me
No I just need someone to talk with cause I can't sleep
(Read 5:08)

That was kinda a lie but whatever. At least I had someone to talk to now. Me and Karl chatted for a while before the sun started to rise. Of course everyone wouldn't be up at the crack of dawn but by the time the sun started rising people like Karl, Puffy, Ranboo, Dream and Quackity wake up. It's strange cause they are the ones always staying up the latest. They all also seem to have to take 'power naps' very often.

After a while I heard the door to our room open the close. It was 6:30 so that was most definitely Ranboo waking up on his own little alarm clock brain.

I wasn't going to get up before Tubbo did seeing as he had a death grip around me so I guess I'll just have to lay here till he gets up.

I heard slightly more noise from downstairs so I assume more people were up.

After a while Tubbo had woken up and moved away. I turned over in bed so I was facing where tubbos bed was. The way the room was set up we had three mattresses on the floor (we are yet to buy bed frames) mine in the middle, tubbos to the right of mine closet to the door and then Ranboos on the left of mine, closest to the bathroom.