The Love of a Crow - Wesper/Crows Fanfiction/AU

34. Kaz

It wasn't Jesper's fault. The boy had merely become too attached, just like they all had. He had fallen into the flytrap, and Kaz feared it was too late to fish him out. But in that moment he needed a punching bag, and who was the one throwing insults at him?

Kaz was almost surprised when Jesper responded with just as much venom, slamming his fist into Kaz's chest, winding the thief as he tried to escape his grip. Kaz whacked Jesper hard in the jaw, reaching for his fallen cane, but it was too far away. They rolled across the ground like animals, brawling and scratching and mauling, until finally they were pulled apart.

Blood gushed from Jesper's nose and he clutched his bruised arm, whilst Kaz nursed a head gash and tried to fend off the agony in his leg.

"You made me like this!" Jesper yelled as Inej dragged him away. "You ruined us all!"

Slowly Jesper's shouting faded as they left to find one of the carriages that would be parked somewhere in an alley. Kaz fought to no avail to shake off Matthias's strong grip, but in the end it was Nina who pried them apart, seeming to sense Kaz was back to some state of sanity. But he wasn't. Not at all. He had just attacked one of his own, and not just anyone, but Jesper. Of all the people he could have fought with, and he chose him.

"Come on, Kaz," Nina said tiredly. "Let's go back. You know Jesper didn't mean it."

"No. He meant it, don't worry about that."

"You didn't... you didn't really contact Van Eck, did you?" Matthias asked regretfully.

"Of course I didn't, you big oaf," Kaz snapped, feeling the unfamiliar anger flare up again. "I don't go back on my word unless I have no choice."

"There's always a choice." Whispered Nina.

Kaz sighed as they made their sorry trek back to the carriage. Great. Every single one of his Crows were mad at him. He wondered how long that would last. He couldn't blame them though; he was angry himself. Angry at being tricked by Van Eck, angry at letting Wylan go, and angry at his sorry Barrel self that even his own team couldn't trust.

They boarded the carriage and Kaz reviewed his memory, picking apart the tiny details to figure out where he went wrong. They had all arrived in the correct positions; that much was confirmed. The gunshot. It hadn't come from any cheap pistol or rifle the Barrel had to offer, and it was rare enough to attract the attention of all of them. Van Eck must have fired it to lure them in. But how had he known they were there in the first place?

Maybe Van Eck had known that Scales's appearance would draw him in, and the thought of the filthy merchant crawling around his head made him shiver as Kaz stared out at the blurry street.

He had been desperate. Van Eck was armed with eight men, all covering the main exits, and Wylan was already tied up. Kaz was ready to perform the deadliest rescue mission he could when something Van Eck said caught his ear.

"...I have eyes in the sky, Brekker."

At that moment, the fog had seemed to come alive, snaking its way around his ankles as if it were water. Being a merchant with hundreds of assets and weapons was one thing, but controlling the weather? What was that about?! Kaz couldn't compete with that, no matter how much he tried, and he couldn't, wouldn't, watch the rest of the Crows kill themselves just to save one boy, no matter how much it ate at him.

So when Van Eck had struck up a deal Kaz's hands were tied. He had tried to give Wylan some mercy, sorting out a code before they had left the Crow Club to give Nina the signal to kill Wylan. Unlike the others, he assumed Nina, with her spying and kidnap experience, would also understand and respect being given the option of an easy death. But even that had failed, and now Wylan was halfway across the city, being marched into what would become his death.

As the sky lightened into a musty grey, and the pockets of people emerged from their hovels to catch the early shift into work, Kaz allowed his conscience to hate them. He hated the oblivious workers, the still-sleeping tourists, the high-and-mighty merchants. He hated brave Fjerdens and sassy Heartrenders and girls with long plaits that made his heart beat painfully in his chest. He hated boys with smooth, dark skin and loathful grey eyes that looked at him with shattered hearts, but most of all, Kaz hated himself. He hated himself for being weak; for allowing himself to become attached to the twisted souls of human beings. He was a monster, after all, and a monster did not like his prey. But giving up Wylan had been one of the most difficult things Kaz had ever done. It was like... like...

Like letting go of a corpse, knowing you would never see them again once they sunk between the soft folds of the murky waves.

What have I done? 

A/N: Well, that didn't help at all, did it? I never usually say this, but I'm sorry this was slightly shorter, it is all part of my grand plan, hehe. I hope you have a good day/night! Bye!