Remember me...

38. I feared him...

Blood. It was blood. Zhan could feel the wetness beneath him and the metallic scent surrounding him was making him sick. He stood up in the dark room and using the wall as his support walked around the room in search for the door. His heart was pounding, his knees were trembling and his throat was hoarse as if he had been screaming and was trapped in the room since days. Zhan's fingers came in contact with something cold which turned out to be the doorknob and Zhan opened the door, the white light before him blinding him for a moment. Zhan saw a figure in front of him and he rushed into the man's arms. "Yibo", he breathed the name and smiled as his arms went around his lover's waist. "I am here", Zhan heard Yibo say and burrowed further into Yibo's chest but the arms around him tightened suddenly and they kept caging him until Zhan had difficulty breathing. Zhan patted Yibo's back, silently telling him to loosen his grip but froze when he felt something cold placed at his temple. "You should have taken his words as a warning, Baobei. He told you I have hurt people before. You should have believed him." Zhan tried to free himself but he couldn't move, his limbs freezing in fear just as a cold, evil smile embraced Yibo's lips. Zhan tried to speak but his lips wouldn't move and he could only beg with his eyes for Yibo to let him go. He shook his head, tears brimming his eyes but Yibo didn't listen and he pulled the trigger.

"ZHAN!!!" Zhan woke up heaving, his back drenched in sweat and his form quivering. Zhan felt hands wiping his forehead and soothing pats on his back but his ears were still ringing with the gunshot he had heard in his dreams and when his eyes raised to his lover's, there was fear them. "Don't hurt me", he whispered, frightened and still trapped in his nightmare. Zhan didn't realise how Yibo's hands froze at his back and how Yibo's eyes had widened after Zhan's words. Zhan found himself getting embraced and his fingers gripped Yibo's shirt, his tears flowing freely.

Yibo had never thought he would live to see a day like this. He had been holding Zhan's hand as his baobei slept because he knew Zhan would get nightmares tonight. Yibo had mentally prepared himself for it but he wasn't prepared for the fear in Zhan's eyes. That fear was of him. Zhan feared him. It would have been easier if Zhan had just ripped Yibo's heart out from his chest. That pain would have been nothing in comparison to the agony that he was in now. The words his baobei had whispered were still echoing in his head and Yibo's heart was in shambles. He should have tried harder to keep Zhan away from his dark world. "I will get you something to eat", Yibo said woodenly and gently moved Zhan's hands from his. He stood up but frowned when he saw Zhan also removing the sheets from his body as he tried to stand. "You should stay in bed, Zhan." "I can't. I need to take a shower", came the throaty whisper and Yibo understood Zhan's need to wash the violence and horror of the day away. He thought of supporting Zhan's form but then, stopped himself. If he touched Zhan and his baobei flinched at his touch, it would kill Yibo. Yibo stood silently as Zhan walked slowly to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. Yibo walked out of the room and reheated the few things he had ordered. He had ordered a range of light food items because Zhan had said something about the sick feeling in his stomach due to the drug he was given. Yibo's hands clenched around the brown package, the flashes of the day making him angry but he snapped to the present when the door of his room opened. Zhan slowly made his way to the kitchen counter and Yibo handed him the plate he had fixed. "Eat a little. You have been without food for too long." Zhan silently picked at his food, eating a few bites and the silence around them was killing Yibo.

"What did you dream about?", was the first thing that left Yibo's mouth and Zhan stiffened in his chair. "Nothing." "We don't lie to each other, Baobei." The words slipped off Yibo's lips without much thought and Zhan raised his eyes to Yibo's. "I was in a dark room, there was blood. Y-You had a gun over my head", Zhan confessed after a few minutes on a shaky breath and Yibo's hands tightened into fists. "I can never hurt you, Xiao Zhan. I would rather cut my arm off than harm a hair on your head. Tell me you know that." Yibo saw Zhan close his eyes a few moments and Yibo's heart sank knowing what was happening. "I..I want to leave this place for a while, Yibo", Zhan said but what Yibo heard was, 'I want to leave you.' "I scared you, didn't I?" When Zhan didn't respond Yibo moved to Zhan's side, kneeling before him. "I am sorry, Xiao Zhan. I just...back then you were not here with me. I made some stupid decisions and got involved in that world. I wanted an escape from the constant pain I was in. I didn't remember anything, didn't remember you, all I knew was that someone was trying to hurt me...I wanted to find out who was trying to kill me. Zhan, I will never let that darkness touch you. I will never hurt you. I...I will do whatever you want. Anything, Zhan. Just don't leave. Please. Without you, that darkness will consume me. I don't want to lose you." Yibo didn't care how desperate he sounded. Yibo would agree to anything...anything if Zhan stayed his. He would leave all of this behind and start anew. He stared at Zhan expectantly but Zhan pulled his hand away from his, leaving Yibo cold.