Emily: So are we having to be in your presence. You scare away the grim reaper with that face of yours.😹😹😹 L
Hotch: Why'd I punch foyet to death when I could've just showed him Strauss. He would've dropped dead on the spot.
Rossi: Kiddo..
Derek: VIOLATED HER AND HIMSELF AT THE SAME TIME HELLO??💀💀
Y/n: let's all blame Strauss for Haleys death 😍😍
Hotch: It's true I saw her do it
Strauss: Excuse me? What.. all of you knock it off right now. Aaron explain what's going on right now.
Rossi: They're rebelling because you forced them to add you
Derek: Rossi using that wrinkly brain of his🥴 fuckkk I'm hard
Strauss: You all are very inappropriate. Aaron Hotchner I expected more from you yet I'm not surprised somehow.
Y/n: I'll break your jaw if you talk about him like that again.💋💋👎
JJ: oh
Emily: PURRR 💃🏻 YES BAEEEE
Strauss: Do you all value your positions inside this bureau? Because your behavior begs to differ.
Reid: I love my job very much! 👾
Strauss: What is that.
Hotch: Pardon? We all tend to think that same thing when we see you yet we remain civil so that's really funny now that I think about it
Derek: FUCK YEAH HOTCHIE CROTCHIE MODGIE PODGIE 💖💖💖 TELL HER
Y/n: never thought I'd ever see him act this way I think we broke him tbh 🤤 #submissiveandbreedablehotchmoment
Strauss: ...
Rossi: I think we all just lost our jobs
Garcia: judging by the look on her face.. yeah.. :[ guys..
Derek: mm no I don't think so I don't leave this job till I want to not when she says I do #differentbreed‼️‼️💯😋
Y/n: Straussy Waussy don't fiwe us🥺🥺🥺 pqease??? 🥺🥺🥺🥺
Hotch: She won't fire us all.
Strauss: Yeah you're right. I'll just fire you.
Hotch: oh
Y/n: hotch leaves I quit
Emily: nah me too fr:/// Strauss you'll lose the BAU and never find anyone better.💋💋‼️
Strauss: You're all replaceable.
Derek: nah friendly fire is off now 🤨
Derek: listen here you stinky ass sticky crusted up shit talking bitch you look like wet wrinkled newspaper and cottage cheese had a shit show of a baby and you wanna blab that jaq of yours?? We're replaceable?? Yeah okay. I know your breath is kickin like dumpster fire and depression, your kids hate you and so do your subordinates because you wreek of misery and alcoholism and your so damn intolerable that your ex husband can't stand to be within 10 feet of your cobweb infested cooch. I know damn well your mama wish she swallowed your sorry power hungry ass fuck you, disrespectfully if you think you can fire Hotch because you forced him to add you to something that doesn't concern you I hope you go home to your empty house with nothing but pure hate for yourself <3
JJ: oh my god.
Y/n: this is why we love you D 😍 ❤
Strauss: ..remove me and we will forget this whole thing happened.
*'Hotch' removed 'Strauss' from the chat*
Hotch: oh my fucking god.
Y/n: the way that you're smiling is kinda cute rn ngl🙄🙄
Hotch: that was so funny I never thought I'd ever act that way let alone to her
Derek: NAH BC U MAKING A DEEZ NUTS JOKE >>> FUCKING PURE GOLD IM DEAD😭
JJ: I really thought we were about to lose our jobs I'm not even kidding thats why I was so quiet 🙃
Garcia: ^ Me too I cried:((
Emily: Penny our precious angel we'd never let you get fired plus you know too much I think they're too scared to fire you 💋💋
Garcia: That's true!! <3
Y/n: IT FELT SO GOOD TO JUST NOT HAVE A FILTER AND GO OFF ON HER AND DEREK ABSOLUTELY SNAPPING?? AMAZING SHOW STOPPING 10/10 GORGEOUS YOU LOVE TO SEE IT 🙀🙀🙀‼️
Emily: NO BC THAT WAS SO FUNNY IDC I WAS ON THE FLOOR ROLLING 💀💀
Reid: We all saw!!
Emily: y/n when you threatened to break her jaw I fr thought that was it for us ngl but then it just got worse💀😭😫😫
Y/n: No one talks about Hotch's dumb self like that but me he's my idiot she deserved to get threatened with worse.
Hotch: ...thank you..?
Y/n: you're welcome dumbass 💖
JJ: 💀 he's so whipped
Emily: hotch goes submissive for coochie after ex wife fucking dies (real, not clickbait)
Y/n: IM HOLLERING, ENOUGH😭😭
Derek: ugh I miss bullying Strauss already 🙄 add her back I'm not done ⏳ 😔
Hotch: as fun as it was I do value this job and I'm afraid if I instigated something like that again she'd ruin my life
Y/n: Okay and then I'd turn into the next unsub and kill her problem solved ❤
Rossi: kiddos my blood pressure can't handle this
Emily: it can't handle this cock #strapon😔
JJ: what the fuck 😨 😳
Y/n: acting shocked as if you don't know.. this bullpen has seen too much bro💀💀
Derek: is Rossi really having a heart attack rn? Really? In front of my fucking salad?? Grow up.. or grow down.. old man 👴🏻 🙄 #dontpissonmeforspeakingmytruth 😧👎🏾👎🏾
Emily: #Dossi #derekgetsagoldenshower #twink
Hotch: actually maybe I do want to get fired.
Chapter idea suggested by 1fckedurhoe
YOU ARE READING
BAU groupchat + Reader
Fanfictionhow I think the BAU team would text eachother except you're also on the team dealing with their antics Some stuff is out of character and I exaggerated their personalities for comedic value, enjoy!
