The Vøid in Yøur Eyes

What the...

John: "Dude I can't hold it in anymore, it fucking hurts! I think I have a terrible case of diarrhea. I'm gonna shit my pants."

Slacker: "No I'm gonna shit your pants!"

"What?"

"Huh? Anyways, got a lighter? I think I've lost mine at Copacabana."

"Copa huh? By the way, this place looks completely unfamiliar to me. Where exactly in America are we right now?"

"Nowhere! This, my friend, is Rio de Janeiro."

"Wait... what?! We're in Rio?! How the hell did we end up in Brazil?!"

"I don't know, ask him."

Slacker pointed towards a monkey.
John looked at the monkey.
The monkey smiled wide at John.
Then he scratched his balls.

"What the... that's a fucking monkey man! How did it end up here in the first place?!"

"I think we picked him up somewhere in Paris."

"Paris?! Just what the hell have we been up to?! Where the hell else did we fucking go?! And why can't I remember any of it?!"

"Acid. And I can't remember anything either. I'm just guessin' based on this Paris postcard I found between my ass cheeks. To be honest, we could've been anywhere really."

"Oh my fucking god, I'm gonna burst!"

"Burst through these packs of methamphetamine, that's whatchu're gonna burst through."

"Nah, I don't think we need anymore of this shit man! Our minds are already so fucked up, we take anymore drugs and we're gonna end up in the middle of the ocean!"

"Doesn't sound so bad. I could go for a swim right now."

The monkey jumped up and down, making monkey noises.
A couple men in guard outfits started shouting at John and Slacker.
They both turned back towards the men and looked at them, simultaneously blinking in awe.
They couldn't tell if the men were real, or if they were just hallucinations.

Gaurd: "¡¿Qué diablos están haciendo, fumando drogas ilegales en público de esta manera, eh?! ¡¿Qué te pasa?! ¡¿Quieres que te arresten?!"

Slacker: "Wha..."

Guard: "¡¿Qué?! ¡¿Se te comió la lengua el gato, pendejos?!"

John: "What is this guy sayin'?"

Guard: "You Americanos? Americanos?"

Slacker: "Yes yes. We are law-abiding American citizens, sir. How can I be of service?"

Guard: "Whatchu doin' smokin' cristal metanfetamina out in open like this, huh? You estúpido? You estúpido, huh? You out your mind?"

John: "Oh no."

Slacker: "Guys guys, there's been a misunderstanding. I assure you, we're doing nothing illegal. This, this is just a... ceremony. A ceremony! Yes, this is a uh... um... a traditional ceremony... that we Americans do. It is completely allowed. In fact, interrupting is very disrespectful, actually. You could get in a lot of trouble for this, so if you could just... go away and don't come back. We can turn a blind eye to this horrendous act of disrespect against... American culture, and... go on about our days."

Guard: "You think I'm stupid?! You think we stupid, huh?!"

Some guards started whispering to each other in the back.

"Estos pendejos probablemente son ricos. ¡Yo digo que saquemos todo el dinero que podamos de ellos, y luego los arrojemos a la cárcel de todos modos!"