Seasonal Scrawl | Collection

04E| Shivi OS: Zaroorat ✓

It was a considerably warm winter night as compared to other freezing cold nights of December. Wrapped in a warm mahogany shawl, she stood at the window watching the lone moon in the starless sky. Her face was expressionless but her eyes held a certain melancholy.

He walked up to her wrapped in a grey shawl and stood beside her. He gazed at the moon for a second after which his gaze landed on her and there it stayed. He watched her, yearning and angst prevailing in his orbs for one long moment before he sighed. He had to ask her this even if he dint want to. He had to ask her this even if he'd rather live in a bubble like he had done so far. He sighed again and took a deep breath.

"Are you sure you want to give us a chance?" he softly asked, still looking at her, who hadn't moved her gaze away from the moon.

"Does it seem like I don't?" she answered gently, still looking at the moon.

He looked away from her face and swallowed the lump in his throat. Why did loving her have to be so difficult?

"Take a step ahead holding my hand only if you can hold it for a lifetime, my reflection being the only thing reflecting in your orbs when you look at me. If not, don't do this! Don't do this if you can never give me a place in your heart! Let go now before we get so deep in this that we can't entangle ourselves out of it! Let go now, else I wouldn't be able to later" he uttered, his voice heavy with emotions, which were a minismal of how he actually was feeling from within.

She remained silent, her pools filling up with tears. She did not turn towards him nor did she utter a word. The pain and yearning in his voice hurt her just as much but she still remained silent.
He waited for a few brief moments but her silence and his own overwhelming emotions felt suffocating to him and so he walked away, tears escaping his eyes. It was then that she turned towards him, her eyes filled to the brim with tears even as she watched him till the last of him disappeared.

"I wish I could let go but I can't!" she whispered and finally let her tears roll down her eyes.

Seated in the balcony awaiting her, she rested her head against the wall behind and closed her eyes.

"Tired?" her care-filled voice made her open her eyes with a smile forming on her face automatically.

She shook her head and extended her hand towards her. She held it and sat down beside her. She rested her head on her shoulder while her grip on their entwined hands increased. They stayed like that in the cocoon of their love and in the blanket of comfortable silence surrounding them.

"I'll have to leave by tomorrow" she uttered

She looked at her, tears filling her eyes and a strange trepidation coursing through her. Dread in a higher intensity filled her even as her words registered in her mind. She shook her head and pulled away. Why was it so hard even after all this time? It wasn't the first time she was leaving then why did this particular time feel like her last? Why did it feel like she would never see her again if she let her go now?

"Raavi....." she began in the same tone like each time, her hands stretched ahead to hold her own but before she could reach out to her, her phone rang out loud. She immediately picked it up and her eyes widened at whatever was conveyed to her.

She was watching her with the same exacerbating trepidation when she heard her say
"I'll leave right away!"

No! She couldn't be leaving right away! She wouldn't even get a few precious hours with her if she were to!

"Raavi, the situation is getting out of hand at the border. I'll have to leave right away" she held her by her shoulders and said. Before she could respond in any sense, she kissed her forehead and rushed away. Somehow, it felt like her last goodbye and she collapsed on the floor crying.

And it was four days later when she received the news that wrecked her entire world! It had indeed been her last goodbye!

She sat down by the window, pulling her legs towards herself. She had left a void in her that she just couldn't bring herself to fill. Yet she couldn't remain all by herself, holding onto the memories she made with her. She couldn't live by herself, live with the void she refused to fill. She couldn't follow her as well and she loathed what she was. She loathed her inability and her cowardice but more so, she loathed her selfishness. She was too selfish to move on from her but was also too selfish to let him go! She needed a chance to 'them' even when she knew she could never love him the way she loved her or even the way he loved her!

She was no fool. She had not been unaware of his feelings towards her. Yet his unwavering and genuine support in the unusual relationship she had been pursuing without a word or thought of judgement had made a place solely for him in her heart! His unrequited yet selfless love for her had brought in feelings for him in her heart as well. And so when her world had wrecked, she had turned to him, for support, for care and for her feelings towards him which were also present in her heart. He had then embraced her with open arms, given her everything she needed without any expectations and now, she couldn't let go of the one reason she held onto, to live!

It was then that she felt a warm hand caress her cheek and she looked up to meet his dark orbs. They reflected his love, his concern and his acceptance. She hugged him immediately, sobbing in his arms while he rubbed her back soothingly.

"I'm so sorry Raavi! Main ek pal ke liye khudgarz hogaya tha! Ek pal ke liye apne saalon se saware pyaar ke liye swaarthi hogaya tha. But I promise, ab yeh phir nahi hoga. Raavi, main tumse bohot pyaar karta hun aur iske badle mujhe kuch bhi nahi chahiye. Tu bas mere saath rahe, mere liye wohi kaafi hain. Yeh faisla tujhpe hain! Tu dost banke bhi meri zindagi me hamesha ke liye reh sakti hain. Relationship aur shaadi zaroori nahi hote!"

Raavi hugged him tighter. His words had increased her respect for him by manifolds and at that moment she knew she needed him even if she couldn't give him what he deserved!
She pulled away and looking into his eyes said,

"Khudgarz tum nahi, main hun! Main tujhe kabhi woh mohabbat de nahi paungi jo tu deserve karta hain! Par main tujhe jaane bhi nahi de sakti yaar! Tu zaroori hain mere liye and you are the reason I need to live. I need this chance at 'us'! Bolo, will you give it to me?"

He smiled tearfully and nodded his head. Pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead, he pulled her into his arms again. And that was all they needed for now!

Okay, so this had been a half-written draft which I completed just now. I hope you'd all like it but more so, understand it as well. Your views are always welcome.

PS: I'm open to title suggestions!!

Love,
Pratyusha