The Babysitter

~5. Opening up again.~

A/ N please have in mind, that this story deals with mental health issues, such as suicidal thoughts, depression, sh etc.

"Cate, please don't." I whined with closed eyes... "It's too much!" ...

"It's not that long!" ...

Goddamn, it's been about a month, since I started working for Cate and it has never before been more stressful. Even that week, when all the kids had gotten sick, was more relaxed. The whole planning and making calls was hell, at least everything was settled for today. And the restless sleep...

"Roman, Iggy did you change your shoes?!" I called into the hallway. My voice echoed through the whole staircase and I received two muttered yeses.

"The boys appreciate that you're coming with us." Cate smiled, as she handed Edith her purple cardigan. "So do I." She added.

"Thanks." The girl said and walked outside the front door.

"Well, I feel honored to be joining you." A grinned quickly, whilst I picked up one of the bags, barely looking at her.

It was rather.... let's say awkward, between Cate and me the last month. I had left her bedroom, when she told me what I did. Even though, the blond said it was absolutely okay and she felt flattered, I couldn't feel anything positive about that thought. I didn't want to let myself to be in that situation ever again. Not knowing what I did or what even happened. Cate was an absolute angel, throughout the previous weeks, though. She didn't make any comments about what had happened and, in general, it seemed as if she was trying to make an effort into making me feel better. Yet, I was avoiding her mostly, at least when ever it was possible. Actually, it was possible all the time, since she's out working over the whole week, except the weekend, to my fortune. It did not make me feel any better, but knowing I wasn't making anything wrong around her brought me somewhat close to being at ease.

Not even five minutes later, we were all inside the car and on our way to the location. Roman wanted to go climbing, for his birthday and the others seemed to be found of the idea as well. Iggy was already hyper. The only one who was rather unimpressed was Dashiell, which was understandable, though. He's the oldest and he would probably rather do a million other things.

I glimpsed outside the window on my side. Warm sunlight shone onto my face and arm and suddenly I noticed a hand on my thigh. It wasn't that Cate had just placed it there, when I noticed it. No, it must have laid there for longer and I couldn't make out how I didn't notice it. Was my mind drifting off so much?

"Mom, that's your song!" Iggy squealed from behind and the soft laugh from Cate reached me. Something inside of me warmed at the noise...

Footloose, by Kenny Loggins started playing. The same song, Iggy told me about when we were in the car as well. The song Cate dances like crazy to. She turned up the volume, almost to the maximum, causing everyone to clutch their hands to their ears for noise canceling. And even though it was a bit painful, everyone was still somehow laughing, as they watched the blonde dance. However, I didn't want to give in on this feeling, that so desperately begged to get out.

An almost sad look was thrown at me, when Cate had turned the volume down again, but I guess it was only ever in my imagination, because the next moment she was looking just as always. Half an hour later, we reached the location. A few cars were parked on the dry parking lot ground. It seemed as if it was going to be quite dusty, as we drove further over the ground. Clouds of sand and dust came up.

Well, let's just hope this wasn't going to trigger my sensitive nose and eyes. People would think I am crying?!

"There's your father." Cate said in a neutral tone, as we all walked to the check in. The kids ran towards Paul, whilst Cate and I walked a little behind. I felt her eyes on me, but I couldn't keep it anywhere near professional, when I'd look at her now. Too many thoughts were circling inside my head and I feared to spill them, when looking into her eyes. Her pinky barely slid along mine and I felt my cheeks blushing lightly.